Outrider wrote:
It really does feel like healthy minded N.T. girls are just so successful and amazing and it's difficult to live up to their standards.
Yes they are and yes it is.
I also know some very successful guys, successful in both their studies and their careers.
However, I think girls have a natural edge over us guys. Their brains are more efficient then ours. The male brain is like a computer with a big hard drive and 640K of RAM. We can't multitask and we can't switch rapidly between tasks. Switching from one task to another is a slow proccess. Multitasking? Nearly impossible. That's for us guys.
Girls make multitasking a breeze. I remember my maths teacher saying the boys weren't allowed to take notes while he was taking or we wouldn't hear him. He was quite correct. He didn't apply this rule to girls.
The female ability to efficiently run parallel processes like a hyperthreaded computer is not only useful for performing unrelated tasks simultaniously but also useful for solving a multifaceted problem, while keeping all parts of it in mind at once.
Have you ever taken a long time to solve a complex problem because you consider a small part of it, then another small part of it, then another, then you try to consider the first part again but it takes you a little while to remember what the first part was about? This is no obsticle for girls. They see the big picture. Guys have an eye for detail but it can be like having tunnel vision.
The broadthinking female brain also gives them a massive advantage in socializing. They can remember hundreds of people's names and follow the individual social dymanics of everyone in a large group simultaneously. You will never be able to socialize as well as a girl.
There are more female managers at work than male managers and I'm fine with that because honestly, women are just better at management than guys. It lets them use their multitasking abilities and their ability to keep afoot of many different things and mentally switch between them without missing a beat and it allows them to use their supereor social skills in managing the team.
As a guy I can sometimes be a bit faster than girls at performing repetitive tasks, especially ones involving muscle memory. This is only for tasks that I've already had lots of time to get used to. Muscle memory bypasses the ability to think about the task, it bypasses the slower parts of the male brain. It take a long time for me to learn in such depth. The female brain could learn it rapidly through its massively parallel processing.
Also the female brain has a much better work ethic. Boys in high school may think it's too hard and drop out. This is less common with girls. Boys are more likely to procrastinate on their assignments. I know this all too well. Many's the time I've put something off until it was too late, girls just do it. Many's the time I've taken study breaks, which can become both too long and too frequent. Girls just plow through continuously. Slow and steady wins the race against fast and intermittent. They don't get bored as easily either. Unlike the female brain the male brain will protest when given some tedious task.
This partly due to differences in the way girls and boys learn. Did you have to write a lot of papers in high school? DId you have to read a lot of text books? This is fine for girls. Most girls will find all this very interesting. Not me. At work I'm told to read about a new system. I'll read through it slowly and intermittently, being totally bored and not understanding any of it until after I've used the system in practice. My main method of learning is doing the thing. Girls are better at learning from theory.
Unfortunately for us guys education is becomming more theoretical at all levels. I believe this is the reason why more girls get into university than guys. There's a lot of theory work in high school and you need to get good grades at it to get into university. You need to get through large amounts of it without falling into the male habit of procrastinating (although I'm far less likely to procrastinate while performing a practical task). Once you get into university, things don't get any better for us. My uncle majored in software engineering. He said about 90% of it was theory (writing about programming) and about 10% of it was practical (writing actual code).
In the past there were more apprenticeships. These were very much practical. Learning how to do something through doing it. That was back in the days when it was considered ok for only the intellectuals in society to go to university. Back in Kraftie's day. Nowadays everyone is expected to go. I've even heard managers say that if someone has a degree in an unrelated field, they're the prefered job applicant because it proves they have persistance and good work ethic.
Really, it proves they have persistance and good work ethic applied to theoretical learning. This is bad news for the practical thinkers (guys). It used to be a guy could get a factory job or an apprenticeships and so prove he has a good work ethic. Nowadays if you don't have the type of mind suited to academia, employers will think it means you have a poor work ethic.
Also girls have better fine motor skills and so have better handwriting. This helps in primary school when boys can actually be downgraded for messy handwriting. It's a good thing resumes are no longer written by hand. I don't know which sex has better spelling. I know I have awful spelling. I'd be lost without spellchecker.
Girls mature faster than boys in both relationships and work ethic. Many girls realize the value of education in their teens. I realized it in my mid twenties after my rebellian against society in which I did as little work as possible. We are all judged by our accomplishments. Like JFK said, we do these things not because they are easy but because they are hard. An easy accomplishment is no accomplishment at all. In the end, everyone has to deal with two pains, the pain of self-discipline or the pain of regret. Girls realize this at an earlier age.
Young girls are people pleasers. Guys become people pleasers much later in life. Girls study diligently in high school because they're expected to. Guys are more likely to rebel against the idea of education. I did, not because I wanted to be cool but because it all made my head hurt and I just wanted to stay in my room. It still makes my head hurt but now I think, the harder something is, the greater my achievement shall be.
Outrider wrote:
Like I have said many times it is in my experiences most people want to date someone at the same 'level' as them
I know I do. As an egalitarian I think this should apply equally to both sexes, though not at the expense of individual choice. It's not all about the money. I would not like to date a woman with less mental stability than me. That means I would not like to date a woman which chronic depression, manic-depression or BPD. I have nothing against people with depression, I know it's not their fault and it's a very serious disorder but being around them is like being around chaos. It's not fun at all.
Outrider wrote:
so most aspie men and women who are even slightly less successful than the average person seem to have to scrape the absolute bottom of the barrell because people who are unsucessful are a minority and have a higher rate of being lower middle class, subtance abuse, anti-social, suffering multiple mental disorders, criminal types etc.
That could be the reason, or it could be that lack of dating skills (both during the date and getting a date) greatly narrow the pool of datable people for aspies. It could be a combination of both reasons.
Some of the women I've dated were just as desperate for a man as the stereotypical aspie guy is for a woman. But the reason these women were desperate for a man is because they weren't all that great, mentally or physically, if they were, they would have already had a boyfriend before I met them (the gender reversed version of this scenario also applies). I think the biggest reason why I date girls from the bottom of the barrel is because the most desirable ones were taken before I got there.
Why? Because the most describable ones start dating when they're younger than I was when I started and the younger women who have just started dating prefer men from their own age group. In other words, if you start dating at 25, you will only find 25 year old women who don't already have a boyfriend, possibly due to mental instability. Yes, I realize that the reason I didn't start dating until I was 25 was also due to mental instability. Also I was morbidly obese back then. I don't blame women if they're not attracted to obese guys. It's unhealthy. I went on a diet and now I look like a normal guy.
Outrider wrote:
All I have going for me is sufficient bank account though I'm on disability payment
A double edged sword. I've learned the hard way not to boast about one's wealth. It attracts short-term golddiggers and it can even attract burglars.
Some women may be genuinely impressed if you have money and other women may be resentful of it. Not all women want to "date up". Some women can't stand being around anyone richer than they are, just as some men can't stand being around anyone richer than they are. How would you like being around someone who's a lot richer than you? Perhaps you would dislike it. Some women feel the same way. They've told me this. Some women get jealous of wealthier people just as some men do.
Outrider wrote:
I have hobbies and interests, high school graduate and not much else.
Not much else yet. You can add to this. Your life is far from over.
Feel free to think outside the box in improving yourself. You can take traditional or nontraditional paths to self-improvement or a combination of both.
Outrider wrote:
I know it sounds ridiculous for me to be complaining at 17, I know girl's really don't care as much about these things right now, but that's the problem - they will.
Not yet so get a girlfriend now before it's too late.
This might lead to a lifelong relationship at an age before girls care about wealth but it probably won't since most teenaged relationships don't last very long. Even so, it will give you more dating experience, something you have little of at the moment. If you start dating a new girl when you're 25 you'll be very glad you got as much dating experience as possible when you were young enough for girls to not expect you to be experienced. At your age girls think an inexperienced boy is cute. At 25, not so much.
Outrider wrote:
It feels like the rat race has only gotten faster and faster in the past few decades and taking even a year or two off before going to university is a deathwish that will make you fall lightyears behind your former high school classmates.
Yes it has and yes it is. I'm not saying that's right, it's just the way things are.
It's a competition. To win the competition you don't just have to put in a lot of effort, you have to put in more effort than other people who are already trying there very best to put in more effort than you.
Just be glad our work-ethic/study-ethic isn't like in Asia... yet.
Outrider wrote:
I already feel light years behind everyone else my age I went to high school with, even the high school dropouts at least most of them have jobs or are studying alternate things.
And some young people are studying things
and have a job at the same time. And they're about five or so years younger than me. I feel especially behind these guys.
Outrider wrote:
I have however taken steps to overcome my disability but in the eyes of society this means nothing even though I'm doing the best I can taking little steps at a time.
Yes unfortunately for guys like us, trying our hardest to catch up means we'll progress at half speed. As we try our hardest to catch up, the achievement gap gets wider as we get older. We can never catch up because we're still going slower than they are.
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The days are long, but the years are short
02 Oct 2016, 10:07 pm
ADHD sucks
sorry that I'm not a man apparently
