DataSage’s Alpha Male Guide to Meeting Women (JULY UPDATE!!)

Post Reply New Topic

Yes, women are quick to pick up on social facade.

Please do work on your confidence and make me laugh, but do not ever try to establish my dependance on you through put downs or condescension. I will at first be confused, and later sickened. Tone down the cocky. And you'd do well to remember married men live longer.

Informative, cute and funny! This is a great guide for Aspie guys and it makes a lot of sense. Confidence is the bets aphrodisiac.

guides suck!

for starters they disciminate negatively and unfairly against men, secondly they discriminate and treat hetro's unfairly too. "guides" treat you to harshly and they are too wishy washy.

they encourage lies and try to change/cure Autism - it's not good enough!!

As NT girl, I have to say that this guide is great and a guy using it would probably capture my attention but in the long haul, i would feel being lied to (let´s face it, I can recognize fake confidence, even if it´s on third date). I think that self-confidence is very important in every aspect of our lifes (if you don´t care about your image, care about your health, because it´s also influenced by it) and everyone should at least try to gain a little bit of it. And personally, there is not bigger turn on for me than intelligent man who is confident and doesn´t care about opinion of strange people. Than I don´t care about his "quirks" and sometimes they make him even more charming... Its well known that a lots of women falls for maybe tactless, pompous but unique geniuses so I can not understand why men with AS don´t use it in their advantage. Most of the times they excel in their area of expertise (if it is because of their very hard work or just having talent for it is not relevant) which makes us respect them (the most important part). They do things a bit differently (that can come across as being confident and having courage) and their logic way of thinking is very manly which is not only sexy but needed to balance us out as well. And don´t worry, NT men do not understand us women quite often either, the only difference is that they learnt to not question our behaviour. They just deal with it... (sorry for my grammar mistakes, English is not my native language)

I find the "Alpha Male" idea interesting, but not something I agree with entirely. I am a female probable NLDer, who is dating a man who is a member of these boards and a probable ASer. I will not disclose many of the details of our relationship, but for those curious, we have been dating for almost a year and a half, and I would like to offer my take on why our relationship has yet to blow up in our faces.

I realize pretending to have amazing self esteem may make a relationship for some people, but part of what holds us together is our understanding of how f***ed up the other is. I know this is a very bizarre thing to say, but the thing that attracts us to each other is the fact we "mentally vomit" on each other every day. There is no nice, pretty "how was your day, dear" BS, just straight up, gory details about anything and everything. We have philosophical conversations along those lines, and the no restriction style of it makes it extremely meaningful. If you go into a relationship with the idea that you need to cover up the crazy bits, or make yourself not be crazy, you will be missing out on something potentially great an beautiful.

The other side to that however, is to be open minded to an extreme. I understand if there is something about a person that makes the relationship unworkable for you, something that is destructive to you. But I have an odd feeling that a good number of Aspies have things about them that they feel they can't share, and with good reason when people tell them "Be the alpha male! Improve yourself! Cover up the nasty parts!" I feel that if you want a relationship to work, you need to find someone who can tolerate large amounts of mental vomit. Don't settle for anything less. If you want the best, you need someone who loves the worst possible things about you. I would advise exercising caution when sharing the "big doozie" kind of things, but even those need to come out if your relationship has ground for lasting.

I guess I should say that all of the above applies to the long-term relationship kind of thing. If you are looking to get laid by 20 different women and don't really care about that kind of thing, you should ignore anything I just said about mental vomit. I would probably advise the alpha-male approach for one night stands, considering the type you'll be aiming for.

In any of these cases, I wish you all luck with achieving your goals!

I haven't read the reams of material on this thread, I actually registered on this site because of my Aspergers son, but stumbled across this subject. As somebody who has been very successful with women, and who has recently written a very straightforward little e-book to relate the things I learnt, I thought I'd just take a few minutes to share something with you.

Don't hit on women, talk to them confidently and normally. Be yourself, and show sensitivity. I used to be hopeless with women when I was younger. I'm not good looking, I'm not in any way an alpha-male, but I just made some minor changes and my whole life changed too.

I tried to read the guide that started this thread, and my mind was boggled in minutes.

I've more or less identified my problem at last. "Stop overanalyzing things" and the typical advice along those lines (usually paired with be confident,) seemed like something I had consented to but I haven't taken that far enough. The little piece of information that brought it together for me was how our brain handles reading: the same lobe also produces that internal monologue that we probably lay right out as we type up these posts, or more relevantly that one that shows up when we're nervous about performing in some fashion.

Because the section of your brain used in some function can't also do another function at the same time (we've all no doubt seen the trick where you can't trace a circle with your foot in the opposite direction of one you are tracing with your hand or a dozen different variations of that,) this is really the most self defeating thing I could possibly do.

Now, stopping myself from doing that so that I can actually work out that first question I'm going to ask isn't something I've fully worked out but I think I can go much further by just realizing that this has been what was getting in the way. Just like how I start to drive like a moron as soon as I concentrate on some minor detail of the execution I don't quite do as well as I wish I need to make myself stop trying to perfect the execution and let other parts of my brain work on that so that lobe up front (left side I think? Not the spatial one.) can do something much, much more productive.

If anybody wants to see my website/ebook on the topic of how to approach and talk to girls, you can find it at www.talktogirls.net

Why would you want to be something your not? How long could you keep that charade going for? Any woman that falls for that BS is not the sort of woman a aspie would want to be with.

I totally agree. Thank you. That was my main argument with a (sort of) contributor that was around when I wrote my book, and one of the book's main focus points - how to basically build a rapport with a woman, without being somebody you're not. It's refreshing to hear somebody agree, as there is so much crap on the web about how to pretend to be somebody else.

edit.

Theirs hope , this is Australia's most sold car if a car where an aspie this would be it :

www.toyota.com/camry -

Reliable,efficient, yet ultimately boring it would put you to sleep ZZZZZZ, if this car where a body part it would be the brain.

A NT on the spectrum would be a Mazda , a little bit exiting with the very occasional breakdown , if it where a body part it would be the stomach.

A stereotypical NT woman would be an Alfa Romeo (the heart and the soul) exciting, a lot of fun until you get the breakdowns . Would I buy an Alfa ( and your entering dangerous waters buying a second hand one) hell yeah now that I'm about to get off disability and finally get my licence , would I recommend one to a friend (if I had any) "NO"

Trawling through this site theirs seems to be a disproportionately large number of Aspie women who want an Alfa which does not surprise me when you think about it.....

There's a lot of good information in this guide, but I think it's also full of really bad advice. This is a guide to becoming a walking butthole, not to getting (and keeping) the woman of your dreams. Think about it like this:

Imagine you fell in love with the perfect girl, but as the relationship dragged on, she seemed to be slowly turning into someone else. The things you loved about her just aren't there any more, she's nowhere near as bubbly, happy, flirty, what-have-you. Key parts of her personality seem to degrade over time.

Sounds like the way a lot of relationships break down, doesn't it? That's because men and women both follow stupid advice so they can go after partners they're not compatible with, or people they might be compatible with but will never find out because one or both of them are putting on an act.

Now, let's take this a step further. Let's say things didn't just degrade, and you found out that this perfect girl had deliberately learned what you wanted to see and made a strong and persistent effort to fool you into thinking that she was all of those things. Now, it might sound pretty flattering, but if you're at all close to this girl, I'm willing to bet you'd be a little pissed off, even insulted.

The issue I have with this guide is that it suggests dumb stuff like "always being the one to hang up the phone," just because of the effect it has on a partner. There's absolutely nothing wrong with letting her be the one to end the conversation, as long as you're not afraid to end it when you want to. The biggest mistake people make with guides like this is assuming that they can become an "alpha male" by acting like one. That's hogwash. It's pure rubbish. It's like thinking the super high score on rock band means you're a real-life rock star. In the alpha/beta mythology, betas are the ones who imitate, because they want to be like the "alphas" and want what they can get without trying.

What you need to do is start forming your own opinions, learn to be truly confident in yourself and your thoughts, and just as importantly, learn how to admit when you're wrong. You have to be honest with yourself. That's the only "right" way to use the knowledge in this guide: through introspection and personal development.

I think this is far too restricted to some kind of illusion of a railway.
I care not for the alpha thing.
I will just be.................................... me.
I believe the whole alpha male thing just creates a bad stereotype of what a man should be.
Can we not just be creatures beyond this kind of primative competitiveness?

Depends how one pictures reality.