"Just be friendly."

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TwilightPrincess
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21 Jun 2019, 2:28 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:

314pe wrote:

I believe it's unlikely that someone, who is dealing with an autistic child on a daily basis, would find an idea of having another autistic person in the family very appealing.

SOME (though not all, perhaps not even most) autistic adults can relate much better to autistic children than any NT adult possibly could.

In my opinion, autistic adults with this capability (and with sufficient life skills to be able to hold down a job) should be specifically recruited to work in special ed and other services for autistic children. Ideally, in my opinion, services for autistic children should be staffed at about 50% by autistic people and about 50% by NTs, at all levels of their organizational hierarchies, and within the staff of each classroom or other division.

Anyhow, an autistic adult with experience working as a special ed teacher could be an ideal step-parent for an autistic child, it seems to me. Hopefully some single and divorced NT parents of autistic kids would eventually see it that way too, at least once the idea that SOME autistic adults are particularly well-qualified to care for autistic children gets popularized.

Autistic kids with autistic parents can set each other off sometimes, especially if one is sensory avoidant and the other is sensory seeking. That can be a very tricky situation to navigate.

Also, since we’re all so different, various individuals could struggle in ways that we don’t and can’t relate to, so it doesn’t always work out. Caregivers need to have some plasticity in their outlooks to be able to relate to kids that have unique struggles.

Autistic parents CAN be great with autistic children, but they certainly aren’t always.

Mona Pereth
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21 Jun 2019, 3:13 pm

Twilightprincess wrote:

Agreed. But these are all matters of individual compatibility that can be explored if single/divorced NT parents of autistic kids are at least open to the idea of an autistic step-parent in the first place.

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Last edited by Mona Pereth on 21 Jun 2019, 3:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.

funeralxempire
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21 Jun 2019, 3:33 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:

Agreed. But these are all matters of individual compatibility that can be explored if single/divorced NT parents of autistic kids are at least open to the idea of an autistic step-parent.

Not on topic at all, but you have one of the best 'Star Wars character names' names I've ever seen.

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The_Face_of_Boo
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21 Jun 2019, 3:35 pm

Mona Pereth
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21 Jun 2019, 4:30 pm

cyberdad wrote:

marknis makes it hard for himself by dreaming of finding a "nerdy" girl...those types either don't date or are taken...

Actually, as far as I can tell, most nerdy women DO desire nerdy partners, whereas many nerdy men, apparently, do NOT particularly desire (and may even be turned off by) nerdy women. Although nerdy men in general may greatly outnumber nerdy women, it is quite possible that nerdy men who desire nerdy partners do not outnumber nerdy women who desire nerdy partners.

So, I think marknis is actually on the right track by wanting a nerdy girlfriend. Furthermore, although marknis's ideal girlfriend may be hard to find, intellectual companionship can be a very sound basis for a relationship once he does manage to find her.

But I do think he needs to focus on getting other aspects of his life together, including a steady job and a network of friends, before he is likely to find a woman (nerdy or otherwise) who will be interested in him.

cyberdad
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21 Jun 2019, 6:26 pm

Twilightprincess wrote:

Where are you all meeting these people?

There’s certainly something in between traditional values and sleeping around with lots of different people.

But I wasn't sleeping with them? when I was in my late 20s and early to mid 30s I blossomed, partly because I began to get comfortable in my own skin so to speak(not so "anxsty" about what others thought about me) and found it easy to move around social circles and had kind of like a group of friends (much like the 90s TV series "Friends" but a larger group). Honestly best time I evert had although later I found the girls in the group (the Phoebes and Monicas) were sleeping with the other guys in the group and somehow I missed the boat and didn't realise till much later.

Anyway we all started drifting apart in our 30s (as you do) and some travelled some moved inter-state and I found myself on my own.

cyberdad
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21 Jun 2019, 6:32 pm

magz wrote:

cyberdad wrote:

The problem I have with women in this non-traditional mindset (and again don't take this personally) is that there isn't a need for loyalty or commitment on their side when you are first dating them. I remember hanging around with a group of single girls in my early 30s (part of a larger friendship group) and I was hoping that my friendship would make them want to date me but they were constantly dating other men.

I didn't really get it. Did you expect commitment from the first date?

Now looking back I was being naive but the thing is we men are always "horny" and so the frustration was strong (so I kinda know how Marknis feels now)

My expectations back then weren't realistic (I know that now) but even being proximal to all that activity was kind of groovy in a weird sought of way?

cyberdad
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21 Jun 2019, 6:40 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:

You kind off answered your own question....although what an individual male desires is very much based on individual taste. I certainly went through different phases in my teens, 20s and 30s
As a teen I wanted a big breasted girl (that was pretty much my criteria)
In my 20s I wanted Pheobe or Monica from the TV series Friends
By my 30s I was starting to broaden my horizons and became more realistic

An interesting experience I had is that I dated some nerdy girls and they were actually no different in what type of man attracted them to the more pretty/outgoing girls. Infact I do know that from the grapevine I learned that all these "nerdy girls" ended up with alpha "type" males who were sporty/professional types.

Dating is kind of more complex than our own personal experiences and human needs are actually more in common than we like to project/believe.

The Grand Inquisitor
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21 Jun 2019, 8:08 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:

My point is not that everybody must have a great job, great body, great income, etc, to get a relationship. The point is that people with all the flaws I listed above in conjunction with each other are likely going to struggle finding a partner. You have to have qualities that are attractive enough to where at least some women think they could potentially consider you their best dating option to even get your foot in the door. Marknis, as he's indicated multiple times, can't even get a coffee date.

You were able to get into relationships, but Marknis can't. I don't accept that Marknis and virtually all of us in similar situations on the spectrum just so happen to simultaneously have horrendous luck with love and dating. There are observable patterns and parallels to be drawn that make much more sense than any other explanation. Maybe dating was different 20 or 30 years ago, I don't know, but considering that the ratio between women and men having sex within a single year used to be similar, but now it's come out that men are having sex at significantly lower annual rates and women are having sex at roughly the same annual rates, it stands to reason that some things have changed in the last 20 years.

What is your source of statistics on this matter?

https://www.thedailybeast.com/number-of-men-under-30-who-havent-had-sex-in-last-year-tripled-in-past-decade

Quote:

The share of U.S. adults reporting no sex reached an all-time high last year, according to the latest data from the General Social Survey. Nearly 23 percent of adults between the ages of 18 to 29 were celibate in 2018, more than double the number since 2008...

One surprising result from the data was that a much larger than expected number of the sexless individuals were men. For most of the past three decades, men and women in their twenties reported similar rates of sexlessness. Since 2008, however, the share of men younger than 30 reporting no sex has nearly tripled—compared to an eight percentage point increase reported among females of the same age group.

shortfatbalduglyman
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21 Jun 2019, 9:15 pm

Your concept of "friendly" attract, repel, or neither

Autistics tend to have different unusual definition of "friendly".

For example, I hate "friendly" lil dips**ts complimenting me

Judgmental

TwilightPrincess
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21 Jun 2019, 9:33 pm

shortfatbalduglyman wrote:

Your concept of "friendly" attract, repel, or neither

Autistics tend to have different unusual definition of "friendly".

For example, I hate "friendly" lil dips**ts complimenting me

Judgmental

How would you like people to go about dating you (if you are interested in dating)?

cyberdad
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21 Jun 2019, 10:41 pm

shortfatbalduglyman wrote:

For example, I hate "friendly" lil dips**ts complimenting me

Yeah I used be like this. Classic is when an attractive girl talks to you and says "oh cyberdad you have a lot going for you" and then she "friend zones" you when you ask her out on a date or comes up with some crap that she's seeing somebody (which you know isn't serious).

magz
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22 Jun 2019, 2:48 am

cyberdad wrote:

shortfatbalduglyman wrote:

For example, I hate "friendly" lil dips**ts complimenting me

That's exactly why we (women) need to be extremely cautious when being nice to lonely guys.
Girls are encouraged to smile and compliment everyone but guys who have little contact with women easily misinterpret it and start feeding false hopes.

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cyberdad
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22 Jun 2019, 3:45 am

magz wrote:

cyberdad wrote:

shortfatbalduglyman wrote:

For example, I hate "friendly" lil dips**ts complimenting me

Yeah I get it...you don't want to lead them on or give them ambiguous signals...but I thought you ladies would also like to hear things from our perspective as well....

The_Face_of_Boo
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22 Jun 2019, 1:43 pm

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:

Mona Pereth wrote:

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:

What is your source of statistics on this matter?

https://www.thedailybeast.com/number-of-men-under-30-who-havent-had-sex-in-last-year-tripled-in-past-decade

Quote:

But of course what I predict:

- WP women will deny the above, this is a given.
- The media is probably blaming it on gaming, and not on the elephant in the room: the rise of online dating (and "coincidentally" it boomed since 2008) which makes getting sex with super hot men very easy for average women, while making it very hard for average men to even get a date with an average woman.

Mona Pereth
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22 Jun 2019, 2:02 pm

cyberdad wrote:

An interesting experience I had is that I dated some nerdy girls and they were actually no different in what type of man attracted them to the more pretty/outgoing girls. Infact I do know that from the grapevine I learned that all these "nerdy girls" ended up with alpha "type" males who were sporty/professional types.

That is strange, and utterly different from the women I've known over the years.

cyberdad wrote:

Dating is kind of more complex than our own personal experiences and human needs are actually more in common than we like to project/believe.

I really don't think this is a question of fundamental human needs. Women's sexuality tends to be more fluid than men's. See this review of the book Sexual Fluidity by Lisa Diamond.

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