do you find autistic girls attractive?

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AspieOtaku
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26 Mar 2013, 10:31 pm

I dont think guys really care if shes autistic or not to be honest as long as the girl is attractive and sweet thats what matters. Women on the otherhand tend to be judgmental of a guy if hes autitic or not but I could be either wrong or just bad luck is all.


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Tyri0n
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26 Mar 2013, 10:39 pm

AspieOtaku wrote:
I dont think guys really care if shes autistic or not to be honest as long as the girl is attractive and sweet thats what matters. Women on the otherhand tend to be judgmental of a guy if hes autitic or not but I could be either wrong or just bad luck is all.


You forgot one thing: sex. This is a problem for some autistic women (either being asexual or having funny ideas typically only found among very high-status NT women like no sex before marriage) and something upon which most guys--NT's and aspies alike-- will not compromise.



Anomiel
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27 Mar 2013, 1:42 am

Are you talking about physical attractiveness or intellectual attractiveness or overall attractiveness or what? If physical attractiveness it would be ludicrous to claim they were more ugly or beautiful than any other human on the planet :roll: if you mean intellectual attractiveness it's exactly the same as the aspie-guys.
I find this whole subject amusing. Would you like to date that random smart aspie-guy over there into airplanes? Now if he was a woman, would you? :roll: I don't go to aspie-meetings for precisely this reason. I would hate to be considered a potential love-interest just because I am a woman and also autistic. So not interested.


AspieOtaku wrote:
I dont think guys really care if shes autistic or not to be honest as long as the girl is attractive and sweet thats what matters. Women on the otherhand tend to be judgmental of a guy if hes autitic or not but I could be either wrong or just bad luck is all.



It's kind of funny how you openly admit to not knowing much at all about women (not girls) or relationships and then saying s**t like that. So you do not care for the actual humaness or personality of any woman you would like to be in a relationship with. That's 1 guy.
If you want to discuss the ideas that the global culture want to push on women and men alike, then yes, the message is that women aren't humans and are there for the viewing pleasure and sexual gratification of men (something that many fall for, of all genders) and then we could have a conversation. Of all the people - and they have been mostly men - I have ever known that were at some point involved in a relationship, they have never said anything close to that even as teenagers. Except one guy, but he's kind of a slut, so it is not actually "relationships" he's into... Maybe you use a different definition of "relationship"? Do you think that most people - after 65 years of marriage - would agree with your definition?
"Well I dislike her personality but she's really cute!! !". You have to have all kinds of attraction to make a real relationship work.



For anyone else interested in the concept of "attractiveness" there's this brilliant video:
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kMS4VJKekW8[/youtube]



AspieOtaku
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27 Mar 2013, 5:55 am

^^^ Woah calm down I was simply implying that most men are more accepting of women regardless of them being autistic or not, as long as there are compatibilities than most women are, but like I said I could be wrong. No need to bite my head off or instantly assume that were all just after looks or sex! That's why I mentioned sweet in my prior post meaning a rather friendly personality! If a woman knew a man was autistic shed most likely dump him on the spot! And yes I have been in relationships the longest one was about 2 and a half years sadly it was an abusive one and I was mentally and sexually abused and nearly driven to suicide had I suceeded 8 years ago we wouldnt be having this discussion and there would be that one less guy you are talking about since your saying Im a slut now. I'm not back peddling either I'm just translating what I said earlier. So knock off the personal attacks!


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Last edited by AspieOtaku on 27 Mar 2013, 12:34 pm, edited 6 times in total.

Stalk
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27 Mar 2013, 6:57 am

I find some women mentally rewarding if I could use that, if I haven't seen a picture of them, but my imagination makes them beautiful and attractive to me. But then I see a picture and I'm lose interest :( If that was a part I could switch off then I would. Maybe my selection process is just damaged or it is just part of my pickyness/evolution/survival. That goes for NT or Autistic.



Anomiel
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27 Mar 2013, 8:06 pm

AspieOtaku wrote:
^^^ Woah calm down I was simply implying that most men are more accepting of women regardless of them being autistic or not, as long as there are compatibilities than most women are, but like I said I could be wrong. No need to bite my head off or instantly assume that were all just after looks or sex! That's why I mentioned sweet in my prior post meaning a rather friendly personality! If a woman knew a man was autistic shed most likely dump him on the spot! And yes I have been in relationships the longest one was about 2 and a half years sadly it was an abusive one and I was mentally and sexually abused and nearly driven to suicide had I suceeded 8 years ago we wouldnt be having this discussion and there would be that one less guy you are talking about since your saying Im a slut now. I'm not back peddling either I'm just translating what I said earlier. So knock off the personal attacks!



The slut remark was not about you, though I can see how the mistake was made. And he's one of the friendliest (well duh) and most extroverted persons I've met and just all around a good guy if it weren't for his view on women. He's also a friend. I thought "promiscuous" would sound even more judgy than "slut", but maybe that is the right word to use around here.
There were no personal attacks there. The part above your quote was not even about you personally.
That was a reaction to this thread even existing in the first place. "Would you date another autistic?" would be a totally valid question and then anyone of any gender could gather and be judgy together, if so inclined. :shrug: I'm upset about everyone involved in this, not just you. And I know it's an ancient thread, but this issue is still relevant as I see so many misconceptions here.
Don't do this to people, in this supposedly safe place, that have to struggle with both being autistic and being perceived as the sex-class

That you have been abused and rejected (and I'm so sorry) does not mean that every other woman shares that view about autistic men, or would do something like that either. This is not a competition about who, of all genders, are less accepted. The struggles are the same, if different sometimes based on the different expectations society places on their constructs of gender. A man can get away with not being that good at showing empathy, a woman absolutely can't etc etc etc



Anomiel
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27 Mar 2013, 9:33 pm

Stalk wrote:
I find some women mentally rewarding if I could use that, if I haven't seen a picture of them, but my imagination makes them beautiful and attractive to me. But then I see a picture and I'm lose interest :( If that was a part I could switch off then I would. Maybe my selection process is just damaged or it is just part of my pickyness/evolution/survival. That goes for NT or Autistic.



That there is just human nature. Usually you have to have several different kinds of attraction to make a relationship work, and different people prioritize differently (but I still think there are few cases of someone having a happy and healthy long term relationship based solely on physical attraction). But if you're thinking that about friends, or if that makes you incapable of viewing women as friends, then it would be a problem...


Anyway
when someone claims they find me attractive, I am insulted that they judge me - without encouragement - in terms of a potential love interest and not a friend or just another small human being trying to have a happy life, and that they think I give a f**k about their preferences.
when someone claims they find me unattractive, I am insulted that they judge me - without encouragement - in terms of a potential love interest and not a friend or just another small human being trying to have a happy life, and that they think I give a f**k about their preferences.



AspieOtaku
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27 Mar 2013, 10:53 pm

Anomiel wrote:
AspieOtaku wrote:
^^^ Woah calm down I was simply implying that most men are more accepting of women regardless of them being autistic or not, as long as there are compatibilities than most women are, but like I said I could be wrong. No need to bite my head off or instantly assume that were all just after looks or sex! That's why I mentioned sweet in my prior post meaning a rather friendly personality! If a woman knew a man was autistic shed most likely dump him on the spot! And yes I have been in relationships the longest one was about 2 and a half years sadly it was an abusive one and I was mentally and sexually abused and nearly driven to suicide had I suceeded 8 years ago we wouldnt be having this discussion and there would be that one less guy you are talking about since your saying Im a slut now. I'm not back peddling either I'm just translating what I said earlier. So knock off the personal attacks!



The slut remark was not about you, though I can see how the mistake was made. And he's one of the friendliest (well duh) and most extroverted persons I've met and just all around a good guy if it weren't for his view on women. He's also a friend. I thought "promiscuous" would sound even more judgy than "slut", but maybe that is the right word to use around here.
There were no personal attacks there. The part above your quote was not even about you personally.
That was a reaction to this thread even existing in the first place. "Would you date another autistic?" would be a totally valid question and then anyone of any gender could gather and be judgy together, if so inclined. :shrug: I'm upset about everyone involved in this, not just you. And I know it's an ancient thread, but this issue is still relevant as I see so many misconceptions here.
Don't do this to people, in this supposedly safe place, that have to struggle with both being autistic and being perceived as the sex-class

That you have been abused and rejected (and I'm so sorry) does not mean that every other woman shares that view about autistic men, or would do something like that either. This is not a competition about who, of all genders, are less accepted. The struggles are the same, if different sometimes based on the different expectations society places on their constructs of gender. A man can get away with not being that good at showing empathy, a woman absolutely can't etc etc etc
Sorry about that, I thought that was aimed at me! I guess Im trying to say that why should it matter if someone is autistic or not? As long as they are good people and campatable!


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Anomiel
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27 Mar 2013, 11:53 pm

AspieOtaku wrote:
Sorry about that, I thought that was aimed at me! I guess Im trying to say that why should it matter if someone is autistic or not? As long as they are good people and campatable!


It's ok. I should have been clearer. I agree, compatibility is probably the most important thing ever!



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28 Mar 2013, 12:11 am

To tell the truth, the vast majority of autistic woman that I've met, I like. As far as dating one goes, I think that would be very interesting and a lot of fun. I can get very focused and immersed in a project, but I'm not prone to a session. I realize a lot of autistic women, like autistics in general, have their obsessions. That doesn't bother me. My biggest issue in dealing with autistic women and artistic general, is that most of them have what is called the "avoidant gaze" where I contact his furry bothersome. In my case, I have the "direct-eye gaze", so it's really tough for a pretty autistic girl to be around me. Think about it - she's a pretty girl, so of course I want to look at her, and I have the direct-eye gaze. So, she ends up very uncomfortable and thinks I'm a creep, just like in NT woman does. That's a big curious. You would think that autistic woman would understand and be a bit more tolerant. But, in my experience, that's not the case.

As a post edit, I'll answer the question that was asked. Most of the autistic woman I've met very interesting, and sometimes, fascinating. As far as being physically attractive, a lot of them are dolls. I make no secret of the fact that I am 57 years old and I know that many people believe that us old folks simply hand out compliments an optimistic statements like candy. Generally speaking, I find approximately one in twelve women attractive. And, that excludes children. However, I find a much higher proportion of a autistic woman attractive. Physically, the two sets of women both autistic and NT must be physically about the same. However, I find a higher percentage of autistic women attractive, so the commonality of autism must have some positive effect in my perception. Well, let's call that good. The more accepting we are of each other, the better.



Last edited by ShelbyGt500 on 28 Mar 2013, 1:16 am, edited 1 time in total.

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28 Mar 2013, 1:14 am

ShelbyGt500 wrote:
[...] In my case, I have the "direct-eye gaze", so it's really tough for a pretty autistic girl the be around me. Think about it - she's a pretty girl, so of course I want to look at her, and I have the direct-eye gaze. So, she ends up very uncomfortable and thinks I'm a creep, just like in NT woman does. [...]



Oh no, how horrible! Don't judge yourself like that.
Personally I don't think someone is a creep if they have that style of eye-gaze.. I may not be very good at reading social situations, but I need a few more things before I would deem someone creepy. If anything, I'm a bit desensitized to what some NT-women find creepy (depending on the definition of creepy) as I either don't pick it up, or am ok with it. Or am like that myself. Now that's sometimes led to some pretty bad situations, but mostly it's enabled me to make friends with other weird people. And intense eye-contact is not that weird or creepy anyway. I might avoid it, but I do that anyway so to me it makes no difference :)
Also are you feeling okay as there were some words that didn't make completely sense?



ShelbyGt500
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28 Mar 2013, 1:20 am

Anomiel wrote:
...Oh no, how horrible! Don't judge yourself like that...


I'm not contending that I'm actually a creep. But, thanks for the support.

In addition to the direct-eye gaze, I don't communicate using tone of voice or facial expressions, so some people see me is having a sort of Hannibal Lecter appearance. And actuality, I'm harmless. Really. You should trust me.



Last edited by ShelbyGt500 on 28 Mar 2013, 1:47 am, edited 2 times in total.

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28 Mar 2013, 1:30 am

ShelbyGt500 wrote:
Anomiel wrote:
...Oh no, how horrible! Don't judge yourself like that...


I'm not contending that I'm actually a creep. But, thanks for the support.

In addition to the direct-eye gaze, a don't communicate using tone of voice or facial expressions, so some people see me is having a sort of Hannibal Lecter appearance. An actuality, I'm harmless. Really. You should trust me.


I think that's very common around these parts :)
Also, maybe I should have phrased it as "I am sorry you have been judged like that", but it looked like you were blaming yourself too (though obviously I was wrong) and I wanted to offer some comfort. I'm not very good at that. I don't think you're a creep, as far as I know.



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28 Mar 2013, 1:28 pm

Well, from some of the autistic women I've come across online I'd say that they are attractive though, I'll admit that I've not met any autistic women in my real life yet..
I wish there was more to say but, I feel others could be sum up such thoughts in a more comprhensive fashion than I have done so far..



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28 Mar 2013, 3:14 pm

If the question is about physical attraction then autism makes no difference, since it doesn't seem to have any noticeable effect on looks. Now, if you mean mentally, then yes, because they think much more like me than NT girls.



ShelbyGt500
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28 Mar 2013, 3:57 pm

FMX wrote:
If the question is about physical attraction then autism makes no difference, since it doesn't seem to have any noticeable effect on looks. Now, if you mean mentally, then yes, because they think much more like me than NT girls.


Your response is very interesting. A lot of physical attraction among NT's, when they are in the presence of another person, is based on body language. For those of us who are autistic, that seems irrelevant. However, for NT's its super relevant. For the most part, autistic people seem very normal to me. So, I can see how you've drawn the conclusion that you have. I suppose the implicit question of this thread is "due autistic characteristics provide any impediment or affect on the attractiveness of a woman?" However, when you get a bunch of autistic people together, especially those of us who were high functioning, the social effects of autism seem to vaporize.



Last edited by ShelbyGt500 on 28 Mar 2013, 4:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.