How many of you are on OKcupid?

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yellowtamarin
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12 Jun 2012, 2:39 am

rabbittss wrote:

yellowtamarin wrote:

rabbittss wrote:

So frustrating.. found a really interesting young lady.. so I visited her profile.. she visited my profile.. so I sent her a message.. Nothing..

3 days later she visited my profile again.. so I sent her another message..

Still nothing..

The scenario as it may have happened:

You visited her profile.
She saw that you visited, so she looked at yours. Maybe she wasn't interested.
You sent her a message because you saw that she viewed your profile.
She got your message and couldn't quite remember who you were so she checked your profile again. Still not interested.
You sent her another message because you saw that she viewed your profile again.

Not saying this is the case, but it's an example of how it can work. Checking a profile means nothing, which is why I have that feature turned off so I don't get distracted by "what it all meeeaaannnss".

Now I just want to delete my profile again. thanks.

Don't delete your profile, just browse anonymously. Send a message to people you like the look of, rather than those who have clicked on the link to your profile recently. It takes the questioning out of it, wondering why they clicked on you but didn't write, why they viewed you more than once in a day, blah blah blah. Cos you know, that girl might have been going to reply to you, but didn't have the time yet. The second message would almost certainly have made her decide not to (depending on what it said). If you didn't know she visited your profile, you would have been happier to wait a little longer for a reply (I assume).

rabbittss
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12 Jun 2012, 2:45 am

yellowtamarin wrote:

Cos you know, that girl might have been going to reply to you, but didn't have the time yet. The second message would almost certainly have made her decide not to (depending on what it said). If you didn't know she visited your profile, you would have been happier to wait a little longer for a reply (I assume).

UGH now you're making me feel even worse.

all I said was, " I noticed you had viewed my profile, I also know your profile says you are very shy, so I'm taking a risk and sending you another message, hope to talk to you soon".

I honestly see no reason to keep my profile at this point. I don't have some endless supply of interesting looking women in my area to send messages to. I've pretty much sent messages to ALL of the ones I considered interesting, a few responded, but never stuck around, and now theres basically no one left to send messages to. This girl was new, I waited 3 weeks to send her a message.. and now I've managed to screw it up too.

You would think being in a college town with a female heavy student body would be a boon to getting a date. You would be wrong.

DogsWithoutHorses
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12 Jun 2012, 2:48 am

yellowtamarin wrote:

rabbittss wrote:

Checking a profile means nothing, which is why I have that feature turned off so I don't get distracted by "what it all meeeaaannnss".

yesyesyes

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curlyfry
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12 Jun 2012, 9:06 am

DogsWithoutHorses wrote:

yellowtamarin wrote:

rabbittss wrote:

Checking a profile means nothing, which is why I have that feature turned off so I don't get distracted by "what it all meeeaaannnss".

yesyesyes

It's a sign of initial curiosity, why consider that meaningless?

The_Face_of_Boo
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12 Jun 2012, 9:35 am

curlyfry wrote:

DogsWithoutHorses wrote:

yellowtamarin wrote:

rabbittss wrote:

Checking a profile means nothing, which is why I have that feature turned off so I don't get distracted by "what it all meeeaaannnss".

yesyesyes

It's a sign of initial curiosity, why consider that meaningless?

Thank you, curlyfry.

DogsWithoutHorses
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12 Jun 2012, 9:38 am

curlyfry wrote:

DogsWithoutHorses wrote:

yellowtamarin wrote:

Checking a profile means nothing, which is why I have that feature turned off so I don't get distracted by "what it all meeeaaannnss".

yesyesyes

It's a sign of initial curiosity, why consider that meaningless?

It's not though.

I know my own browsing behavior doesn't correlate profile views with romantic interest. And I know I'm not the only one who likes to just look around from time to time.

There are lots of different reasons someone may have clicked on a profile. Not all of them are signs of potential romantic interest.
Someone could be browsing profiles to get ideas for writing theirs. Someone could have seen an answered question and clicked to read the answer, or be interested in the sample of an edited section and want to just read the rest, or maybe they're browsing potentials and clicked on your profile as they moved down the list by match %. Or maybe they liked your picture, looked, and then weren't interested in what was there.

You know they looked at you, but you have no idea what they thought of what they saw. It's not a very strong indicator of interest.
There is plenty to over-analyze with winks, ratings, and messages without involving visitors.

JanuaryMan
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12 Jun 2012, 9:55 am

Another one - sometimes people will check profiles just to laugh at them (they found the picture odd / quirky / really bad).

DogsWithoutHorses
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12 Jun 2012, 10:07 am

JanuaryMan wrote:

Another one - sometimes people will check profiles just to laugh at them (they found the picture odd / quirky / really bad).

yup, not the kind of curiosity I'm interested in knowing about or sending a message over

The_Face_of_Boo
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12 Jun 2012, 10:41 am

but an optimist person would assume it's a sign of interest before assuming anything else, just today I took the phone number of a girl who viewed my profile (without messaging me) and we pre-set a date in specific italian resto after her uni finals.

So..?! Can you deny that it wasn't a sign of interest in this case? Another myth debunked by me (that being viewed is meaningless). Guys take notes from me and not from the above users.

Next!! ! :p (next myth)

rabbittss
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12 Jun 2012, 10:50 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

No I'm pretty much forced to accept the fact that people are viewing my profile as a curiosity and not because they actually want to get in contact with me.

Not had an actual received message for weeks... just lots of page views..

The_Face_of_Boo
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12 Jun 2012, 11:00 am

rabbittss wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

*slaps* see the ones who viewed your profile and pick the one you might like and message her!!

*slaps again* don't be so rabbit, go!

Chances that she will reply you are higher if she already viewed your profile than not.

*slapps* go damn it.

DogsWithoutHorses
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12 Jun 2012, 11:05 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

But an optimistic person would assume it's a sign of interest before assuming anything else. Just today I took the phone number of a girl who viewed my profile (without messaging me) and we pre-set a date in specific italian resto after her uni finals.

So..?! Can you deny that it wasn't a sign of interest in this case? Another myth debunked by me (that being viewed is meaningless). Guys take notes from me and not from the above users.

Next!! ! :p (next myth)

one test doesn't debunk anything (ps, I like how other's conclusions based on their experiences are myths but your's are trufax!11!)

No one said a view never indicates interest, what's been posited it that interest is one of many potential reasons for a profile view and because you have no way of knowing the reason without other information, that knowing who views your profile isn't always, and frequently is not, productive.

rabbittss
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12 Jun 2012, 11:14 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

rabbittss wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

already messaged her twice, which is once more than I normally do. I'm not going to purposefully pursue some one who's obviously not interested.

The_Face_of_Boo
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12 Jun 2012, 11:21 am

DogsWithoutHorses wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

one test doesn't debunk anything (ps, I like how other's conclusions based on their experiences are myths but your's are trufax!11!)

No one said a view never indicates interest, what's been posited it that interest is one of many potential reasons for a profile view and because you have no way of knowing the reason without other information, that knowing who views your profile isn't always, and frequently is not, productive.

It wasn't just a one test and for me it was one of the most effective ways I tried. I just stated a fresh example

.

And i never said that every view is a sign of interest, but I said it really can be!

Quote:

(ps, I like how other's conclusions based on their experiences are myths but your's are trufax!11!)

Well, I have my narcissist moments.:p
Go sue me!

DogsWithoutHorses
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12 Jun 2012, 11:25 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

It wasn't just a one test and for me it was one of the most effective ways I tried. I just stated a fresh example

.

And i never said that every view is a sign of interest, but I said it really can be!

Quote:

(ps, I like how other's conclusions based on their experiences are myths but your's are trufax!11!)

Well, I have my narcissist moments.:p
Go sue me!

If you had just said that to begin with I wouldn't have taken issue. If it works for you that's great.
For some people, it's not what works and it's good for them to be able to share their perspectives equally too.

yellowtamarin
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12 Jun 2012, 7:12 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Chances that she will reply you are higher if she already viewed your profile than not.

Maybe...certainly not in my case. If I have viewed your profile and not sent you a message, I'm not interested. But yeah I get that girls like the guys to do the chasing and all that.

Also, remember that plenty of people who browse anonymously would have viewed your profile. Don't assume that because they are not listed, they did not look. If people only messaged those who they knew had viewed their profile, I'd never get any messages!

I'm also not saying that it wouldn't mean someone is interested if they viewed you, just that they may or may not, and this is what is getting a lot of guys in a fluster, because they are thinking too much about it, wondering why they aren't getting messages back ("But they clicked on my link!! It doesn't make sense!!"), etc etc. And I would no doubt go down a similar path if I had the visitors feature set up. So I turn it off, and relax. I check out who I want to (for whatever reason, including all those brought up by DogsWithoutHorses and even occasionally the one by JanuaryMan), and message those people that I am interested in.

Most importantly, once I have sent a message, I forget about it. If they reply, that's great! If they don't, I won't even realise.

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