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Nice Guys and Love, what's your take on the issue

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Loli-kun
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11 Jan 2010, 10:56 am

Salonfilosoof wrote:
Loli-kun wrote:
Yeah thats what I'm doing lol. I'm not looking for short term so the fact that this girl has yet to have a relationship that lasted less then 6months is good. We've videochatted quite a bit as well so now all we are doing is getting to know eachother more before meeting in person. Yeah find "the one" is probably the hardest thing in the world! Online is great though since its easier to find people with stuff in common!


The downside of meeting women online is that they may be attracted to your personality but turned off by your body language. Even with videochat that's not entirely unavoidable.

Another downside is that in my experience many women interested in meeting men online are either quite desperate or emotionally unstable. If you're really looking for something long term, you'll need a girl/woman who's mentally stable.

Finally.... Avoid fixating yourself on one person as long as you're single. Try to avoid seeing her as the only woman who can and will love you. The more dependent you are on her, the weaker a position you take and the more likely your heart will be broken in the future.

Yeah I don't fixate! I know what that can do.


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From childhood's hour I have not been
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My passions from a common spring.
(Excerpt From "Alone" By E.A. Poe)


Salonfilosoof
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11 Jan 2010, 11:16 am

Loli-kun wrote:
Salonfilosoof wrote:
Finally.... Avoid fixating yourself on one person as long as you're single. Try to avoid seeing her as the only woman who can and will love you. The more dependent you are on her, the weaker a position you take and the more likely your heart will be broken in the future.

Yeah I don't fixate! I know what that can do.


Are you sure you don't fixate? I like to think of myself that I don't, but my friends occasionally point out aspects in my behavior that do suggest fixation.



Loli-kun
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12 Jan 2010, 12:31 am

Salonfilosoof wrote:
Loli-kun wrote:
Salonfilosoof wrote:
Finally.... Avoid fixating yourself on one person as long as you're single. Try to avoid seeing her as the only woman who can and will love you. The more dependent you are on her, the weaker a position you take and the more likely your heart will be broken in the future.

Yeah I don't fixate! I know what that can do.


Are you sure you don't fixate? I like to think of myself that I don't, but my friends occasionally point out aspects in my behavior that do suggest fixation.

I used to! It came back at me hard in Jr.High when a girl used it as a method of harassing me by stringing me on for entertainment so since then I'm very very careful about that.


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From childhood's hour I have not been
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As others saw; I could not bring
My passions from a common spring.
(Excerpt From "Alone" By E.A. Poe)


Aspie19828
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12 Jan 2010, 10:19 am

Dating is an impossible game. They have to like you as much as you like them. Too many rules and mind games. Is it really worth it in the end?



TomTee
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14 Jan 2010, 4:14 pm

I find genuine niceness and kindness very attractive.... as long as it's not coupled with possessiveness or it's not a put on used to manipulate.



Salonfilosoof
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15 Jan 2010, 11:20 am

Aspie19828 wrote:
Dating is an impossible game. They have to like you as much as you like them. Too many rules and mind games. Is it really worth it in the end?


Yes it's worth it. Life is simply more comfortable, more pleasant when you can spend it together. It also gives you options you'd never have otherwise.

TomTee wrote:
I find genuine niceness and kindness very attractive.... as long as it's not coupled with possessiveness or it's not a put on used to manipulate.


I'm both. I'm genuinely nice and kind towards people I like and I try to fake it with people who want to take advantage of me. Pretending to be a naive do-gooder has its advantages with people who're out to abuse you because they will do less of an effort to hide their plans when they think you're too naive to figure them out.... and as an Aspie it's not so hard to fake naivity :wink:



TomTee
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17 Jan 2010, 11:03 am

Edited (sorry)



Last edited by TomTee on 17 Jan 2010, 1:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Salonfilosoof
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17 Jan 2010, 11:07 am

TomTee wrote:
Salonfilosoof wrote:
I'm both. I'm genuinely nice and kind towards people I like and I try to fake it with people who want to take advantage of me. Pretending to be a naive do-gooder has its advantages with people who're out to abuse you because they will do less of an effort to hide their plans when they think you're too naive to figure them out.... and as an Aspie it's not so hard to fake naivity :wink:


That's true. I do that when dealing with crazies or sociopaths. It's easy to catch their lies and inconsistencies if you play dumb.
Thank god they are not the smartest bunch because they can really be dangerous.


My upstairs neighbors whom I happen to share a hallway with seem to be the sociopathic variation. Currently we're avoiding each other, but for some time we'd been playing one another.... It's quite a strange experience with some wild emotional rides in between.



Loli-kun
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19 Jan 2010, 1:11 am

Salonfilosoof wrote:
TomTee wrote:
Salonfilosoof wrote:
I'm both. I'm genuinely nice and kind towards people I like and I try to fake it with people who want to take advantage of me. Pretending to be a naive do-gooder has its advantages with people who're out to abuse you because they will do less of an effort to hide their plans when they think you're too naive to figure them out.... and as an Aspie it's not so hard to fake naivity :wink:


That's true. I do that when dealing with crazies or sociopaths. It's easy to catch their lies and inconsistencies if you play dumb.
Thank god they are not the smartest bunch because they can really be dangerous.


My upstairs neighbors whom I happen to share a hallway with seem to be the sociopathic variation. Currently we're avoiding each other, but for some time we'd been playing one another.... It's quite a strange experience with some wild emotional rides in between.

Sociopathic Nice Guy? Fun! :lol: haven't heard that one before! Well just remember if they own a motel don't use the showers!


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From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were; I have not seen
As others saw; I could not bring
My passions from a common spring.
(Excerpt From "Alone" By E.A. Poe)


Salonfilosoof
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19 Jan 2010, 3:34 am

Loli-kun wrote:
Sociopathic Nice Guy? Fun! :lol: haven't heard that one before! Well just remember if they own a motel don't use the showers!


They're just white trash idiots who think they can easily scam me while I'm playing dumb.



Loli-kun
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19 Jan 2010, 7:22 am

Salonfilosoof wrote:
Loli-kun wrote:
Sociopathic Nice Guy? Fun! :lol: haven't heard that one before! Well just remember if they own a motel don't use the showers!


They're just white trash idiots who think they can easily scam me while I'm playing dumb.
Well good thing you spotted that then! At least there not the axe-murderer white trash types!


_________________
From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were; I have not seen
As others saw; I could not bring
My passions from a common spring.
(Excerpt From "Alone" By E.A. Poe)


Salonfilosoof
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19 Jan 2010, 9:35 am

Loli-kun wrote:
Well good thing you spotted that then!


Luckily they're too stupid to pull off a decent scam.

Loli-kun wrote:
At least there not the axe-murderer white trash types!


Let's hope so.



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20 Jan 2010, 10:35 am

Cyberman wrote:
"Nice guys finish last, because they make their girls cum first." :wink:

Sorry, I just made that up. :lol:


Being a "goyle"...I like that reply! I couldn't find a nice guy but when I did, I'd kill anyone who tried to take him from me. Girls who leave a good guy for a jerk DO deserve what they get.
BUT the good guy shouldn't take her back because she'll do it again and again. I really hated when my girlfriends used to keep a good guy around as a "friend" and then get all hissy-fitty when I'd go after them for keeps. I would offer them respect, love, a "giving" relationship... but they still stayed with my "jerky" friends...always sniffin' at their arses...waitin' on a chance that NEVER came. The truth: they kept these really "wonderful" passive guys around to cushion the blows to their egos that the jerks gave out. If YOU are in one of these relationships, get the hell out now!! ! Take this advice. Like attracts like. If a girls leaves you for a jerk that means she's a jerk as well. I had to tell this one guy off: I said, "You're waitin' on my friend to come to her senses and marry you and start a family!...honey...it's been such a long wait, my girlfriend has reached menopause! Her ovaries haven't spit out a fresh egg since 1999! "A rolling stone gathers no moss."



kingtut3
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23 Jan 2010, 3:45 pm

I was taling about this issue the other day with a girl. She thinks that nice guys don't want to be pushy or take advantage of women. As a result, they are more passive.



AspiRob
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23 Jan 2010, 5:50 pm

RightGalaxy wrote:
Cyberman wrote:
"Nice guys finish last, because they make their girls cum first." :wink:

Sorry, I just made that up. :lol:


Being a "goyle"...I like that reply! I couldn't find a nice guy but when I did, I'd kill anyone who tried to take him from me. Girls who leave a good guy for a jerk DO deserve what they get.
BUT the good guy shouldn't take her back because she'll do it again and again. I really hated when my girlfriends used to keep a good guy around as a "friend" and then get all hissy-fitty when I'd go after them for keeps. I would offer them respect, love, a "giving" relationship... but they still stayed with my "jerky" friends...always sniffin' at their arses...waitin' on a chance that NEVER came. The truth: they kept these really "wonderful" passive guys around to cushion the blows to their egos that the jerks gave out. If YOU are in one of these relationships, get the hell out now!! ! Take this advice. Like attracts like. If a girls leaves you for a jerk that means she's a jerk as well. I had to tell this one guy off: I said, "You're waitin' on my friend to come to her senses and marry you and start a family!...honey...it's been such a long wait, my girlfriend has reached menopause! Her ovaries haven't spit out a fresh egg since 1999! "A rolling stone gathers no moss."


Well said. As a life-long nice guy I agree with you. The section about WHY some women keep nice guys around and still go for the jerks was enlightening. I had never thought of it that way before.


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dancePirateMike
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25 Jan 2010, 12:25 am

To be quite honest, these shallow girls want a "tough guy." Why? Girls love competition. It would be tougher for a girl to get with the tough guy, but in the end they feel more accomplished. I hate shallow people. I don't think I'm that bad looking, but geez. :roll: