DataSage’s Alpha Male Guide to Meeting Women (JULY UPDATE!!)
22 Oct 2010, 2:01 pm
for starters they disciminate negatively and unfairly against men, secondly they discriminate and treat hetro's unfairly too. "guides" treat you to harshly and they are too wishy washy.
they encourage lies and try to change/cure Autism - it's not good enough!!
Lemme get this straight. This "guide" is trying to cure autism? I don't think so man. And it discriminates against males? Again, I don't think so. Yes these guides are generally pathetic, self serving, sexist, and other choice negative adjectives. But if they discriminate against anyone it would be females by lumping them all together as objects and acting as if there is some set 'plan' to get them to do what you want, when you want it. How degrading and insulting is that? Get your facts right man. Oh and there are people actually trying to cure autism and I don't see that kind of research as a bad thing btw.
-sean-
Last edited by euphoria_revisited on 22 Oct 2010, 2:25 pm, edited 1 time in total.
22 Oct 2010, 2:17 pm
Deutha wrote:
>>Please, don't knock something when it works in application.
my apologies, it's obvious i know not what i im talking about while you have it all figured out
why try and create something new when u can imitate NT seduction techniques...ofcourse forever more 95% of women will continue to play those games becos they have to deal with shallow seduction rather than a real connection...
ooh i can add something...feeding the girl that your preying on 6-10 drinks..and ur seducing will work even better
i mean hell you don't need the conscious mind for what ur after. ie. manipulating traits to appeal to the caveman animus of the female mind
all in all whatever you do....don't be proud to act like an aspie...make sure you try and act as NT as possible, becos its all about selling ur soul to be more successful with more women
goodluck guys..
to shortcut all the reading in the guide just follow this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bZSrXsGct6g
(notice how well he does the smile!)
omg, you're so close-minded it's hilarious
even i could understand what datasage was saying, and i don't pick up on things well.
you don't have to be so sarcastic towards him. he's trying to help people. not turn them toward the "dark side".
the fact is it's in no way "selling your soul" to learn a few techniques.
if we were speaking in terms of math i suppose you'd say that learning techniques to manually break down and solve complex problems (95%) is witchcraft and "selling your soul" as opposed to a nice "calculator" (5%) which you'd prefer because it just would give you straight answers with no mystery or games whatsoever.
ok, get this. you don't even have to apply these suggestions. he's not neccessarily telling people , "hey, let's abandon who we are and emulate NTs in an attempt at self-denial of our problems!" it's more like he's saying, "hey, NT techniques are proven effective, you don't have to give yourself up in the process, but maybe you could learn some confidence and build on something that works for you based on a taste of positive results. they might not all be positive, but it's worth a shot"
besides, i doubt many are initially interested in a person at first solely on a "real connection" ideally, yes, in RL, not so much. typically you have to get a foot in the door by grabbing their attention in other ways . "real connections" come after if you so choose. learn some self-honesty. deep down you know this to be true. yet you are resistant, forging your own path which is respectable, but you have no right to pass judgement on the choices of others. your posts hold influence (even if insignificantly or subconsciously) on everyone who sees them. and you are to be held responsible for your negativity.
do i hear any agreement ?
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to me - emulating a mundane (''nt'') is so very UNcool because it is a form of lying.
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Salonfilosoof wrote:
AspiRob wrote:
I know what you are getting at with the word "deep". I use the same word to explain the opposite of shallow in the emotional and general psychological sense.
The word is not so uncommon within that context, but "a deep woman" just sounds so totally wrong.
AspiRob wrote:
What is the female obsession with confidence, anyway? As I have said in another thread, confidence is not the be all, end all definition of human worth. I know plenty of people (men and women) who are supremely self-confident despite being near idiots - it's called self delusion. I have also met many greatly talented people who (for whatever reason) don't have a lot of self-belief despite having great achievements. Given the choice, I would always take the latter over the former.
I have also observed that the most confident people in the world (again, both men and women) are usually people who have never faced adversity in life. By this I mean people who through pure good luck, have had everthing in life handed to them on a silver platter. How could one not be confident if all goes well for them?
It's probably evolutionary. Back in our deep past, the most confident men were probably also the ones who had least to fear not to come home with a deer on their shoulders. As such, confidence in oneself was probably equivalent to ability to provide for the family.
Today this is of course far from true, but since women rely more on their intuition/instinct than men it seems like women have more than men the tendency to fall for the same type of guy their female ancestors fell for many thousands of years ago.
AspiRob wrote:
Again, as I have said in another thread, it is unreasonable for anyone (male or female) to expect a handicapped person not to have some hang-ups about their disability. I certainly have and I don't see that as being a weakness.
I don't consider my Asperger's as a handicap but rather as a different way of processing information. Although it makes it harder for me to do simple household shores, to prioritize and to get through most social interactions without people thinking I'm a weirdo, I can more or less live on my own and take care of my own life. I don't see why I should see myself as any more handicapped than homosexuals or people with other social deviances.
AspiRob wrote:
It is being judged by women wholly on my deficits that gets me angry. To me, this is just another example of how shallow most women are.
I can't disagree with you here.
One thing I noticed is that it doesn't even matter whether they know about the cause of your deficits. If they don't know you have Asperger's, they just think you're rude and lazy and demand you grow out of it. If they do know you have Asperger's, they just say you're using the Asperger's as an excuse and that no woman would ever be willing to live with you if you don't grow out of it anyway...... So it doesn't really change anything at all.
Oh, and it's not just my exes who say that I can only find the right kind of woman if I continue to perfect myself according to the neurotypical mold. My lesbian friends say so as well. I guess it really is a general female thing....
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but when it comes to shallow - how do the aspie/autie women compare to the mundane (''nt'') ones?
Stop all the arguing. Gah I don't even know who wrote which post, who's arguing what viewpoint, or who's just taking up space just to make themselves feel better about having an opinion. You are all guys, hence none of you know women period. One uses an artifical guide to accomplish nothing, another disagrees. There you go, you're done now shut up. You all have no clue what women want or need nor do you care. All that mattyrs to you is filling your unlimited egos. You want to be right on a forum and have everyone kiss your ass for it. Will that make you happy? Lol be my guest because the fact remains you're still going to be all alone arguing one stupid point or the other with nobody of any importance giving a s**t who won the argument or not.
Last edited by euphoria_revisited on 22 Oct 2010, 2:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.
22 Oct 2010, 2:23 pm
In part, I agree with this. At the same token, however, being single on ones own terms can still be very, very lonely.
This reminds me of something I was wondering about earlier. I've been single all my life now,as Aspergers, originally, made interactions with the opposite sex very awkward (though I'm sure I'm not the only one who felt this way). People have always told me not to get desperate and not to "try" to get a girlfriend, on the grounds that there is no greater turnoff than desperation. I've been told that "things will happen when they will happen," that one day I'll just meet a girl who I will immediately click with, and things will go alright from there.
Now, I don't disbelieve this, as I've gotten on very good terms with a lot of girls in the past. The only problem is, they have almost always turned out to already have a boyfriend. So, to anyone who is more knowledgeable about this sort of thing than I, is there any truth to the adage that one day a relationship will just "happen," or is the "Alpha Male" path so eloquently described and elaborated upon by DataSage the only way to finally enter into a relationship?
There is no alpha tool path. You are going to fail no matter what you do if you have the attitude of waiting for soemthing to happen. Nothing/noone is coming to you. Especially not with the asperger's. If you don't learn this soon you will cry over it later. You have to make more of an effort to get what you want and accomplish your goals. Which in this case is finding someone. As far as girls having a boyfriend, well you would have known that if you asked them. Not as if it's the hardest question in the world.
22 Oct 2010, 2:37 pm
I can actually make passable conversations with women if they speak to me first. This happens occasionally. I don't have the confidence to approach women - I just don't know what to say to get them to talk back to me. I am very concious of my Autism as a communication impairment and I constanly wonder how I appear to other people - especially women.
DataSage mentioned something about being careful not to wind up as just friends with a women I am interested in. How do I do that? How do I indicate to a woman that I like her? What is being too forward as opposed to not being forward enough?
Very confusing.
Here's an example from what I have read. Forinstance do not talk to a girl you like about her past boyfriends or relationships. Or about your own either. Keep the conversation away from things where she can get the same effects from talking to her female friends. You want to set yourself apart from her friends and from other guys.
22 Oct 2010, 2:47 pm
I disagree. There really do seem to two kinds of men women are generally attracted to : the tough macho type expressed by Tyler Durden in the film Fight Club and the effeminate loverboy expressed by pick-up artist Neil Strauss. The Tyler Durden type will mostly engage women's primary instincts and seduce her mostly in a physical and shallow way, whereas the Neil Strauss type will try to manipulate her emotions and use mostly his sense for style and his empathy.
The closer you as a man resemble either stereotype, the more feminine attention you'll get. One requires to to be über-manly and macho, the other requires you to be über-sensitive and feminine. Both are pretty hard for Aspie guys.
Nevertheless, the Tyler Durden type is the type referred to as the "Alpha male" in the OP and this type is the one that's historically been most succesful seducing women because it calls to their primary instincts. Women can easily get hot for a man like that.
Sounds promising lol. There you go on again stereotyping everyone and everything. What it sounds like to me is if you don't match up 100% to those two stereotypical guys then what do you do, kill yourself right there? Oh well at least I make the cut,. Didn't know I did, but glad I came here to find this out lol.
Mindslave
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17 Nov 2010, 8:14 pm
You know, everyone here that is fighting over the boards, including the people that continue to fight those that are fighting each other over the boards, is an example of the opposite of an "Alpha Male" What is an Alpha Male as far as DataSage's context? A guy who knows who he is, what he wants, and what he is good at. In other words, a guy who is confident, and has hair on his testicles, instead of an emo loser who listens to Fall Out Boy and My Chemical Romance and The Women Are Evil band. Sure, am I going over the top and being over dramatic here? Yeah. But my point stands. DataSage isn't saying "You have to do it exactly like I have written" he is saying that after the first 5 minutes or so, you have either "gotten in" or you haven't, and anything after that is futile if you failed. After the initial encounter, that's where you have to be yourself, whoever that may be. You never get a second chance to make a first impression. How do you talk to your friends? Looking down at their feet? (No wonder so many guys have foot fetishes) Do you hesitate when you talk to them? Are you uncomfortable around them?
Here's the thing that a lot of you are getting confused over. The recurring misconception is that you are manipulating her. You can't force someone to do anything they wouldn't already do in the first place (unless you have a gun to their head or something) For the first encounter, you are entertaining her, and then after that, she is just doing what comes natural. If you choose a slut, she will do what comes natural, and that's act like a slut. So books by Tucker Max go that way because he chooses girls like that. He talks to them, entertains them, and then lets them do what comes natural, i.e. sleep with him to temporarily cure themselves of their insecurities. So hopefully, if you chose the right kind of girl, she will do what comes naturally, and that will be someone you like and respect. The conversation should go in favor of who you are talking to. Remember, the conversation is about her, not you! He isn't saying to be fake, because that never works. He is saying to not be afraid of her, because nobody likes fearful, broken men. You can't be Rico Suave, because if you were, you wouldn't even be asking these questions. Just be you, let your speech come natural, and if she likes you, she will do the same. and if not, then walk away.
04 Dec 2010, 5:43 pm
I agree with most of this, but I do object to one major thing you say here. I really think a strategy involving "the first 2-3 minutes you meet are the most important to a relationship" is not true. Most of the people I know have met before they have dated, or at least known each other for a little bit. The majority of relationships I've encountered evolved out of long-term friendships, not vice-versa.
Secondly, a girl who likes you will usually let you know it in more obvious ways than "twirling hair, bodily signs, etc.". I would recommend NOT checking for these, as those not detecting these things quickly (IE Aspies) will reveal immediate sexual interest. Also, make eye contact [briefly] and look for a smile. Usually, the girl will continue talking to you, and then you can interpret a verbal cue/action that will confirm the interest that you supposedly already knew about. (going out of the way for you is a good way to sense this, forgetting names, "we have so much in common!" etc.).
I've actually been asked out by a girl, I've gotten phone numbers from girls by simply letting them make the first move. And by talking to them for an hour, just having friendly conversation. There is a certain truth for playing hard to get, and spending time in the friend zone but making sure to respond when they express romantic interest. Try to hint at it subtly, act genuinely interested in friendship. It helps if that is the main component.
A major mistake is moving to fast and taking things to seriously. Girls are 'bullshit-detectors', and feigning more interest is a bad move.
(-If <3 or 
starts showing up repeaditly in chat, this is your cue to complement them. Though usually, they complement you first).
14 Jan 2011, 5:30 am
I've been studying books on what actually goes on in women's brains with relation to dating, love, and pair-bonding.
The limbic system in the brain subconsciously influences our decisions in relation to love and dating. It influences men and women in what they are attracted to and what to expect. This influence is strongest in youth and only starts to wane at middle-age.
Men are attracted to indicators of Fertility, in a women's physical appearance and behaviour, and creativity.
Women are attracted to indicators of Social Power and Respect, Status, Creativity, and Actualised Intelligence. Women want men to make the first move, to be decisive (for example Datasage's comments about directing and ending conversation), and to make them feel special. A Social Leader personifies the qualities of Social Power.
This explains why women laugh at unclothed men, because to a woman that is a man stripped of status. Women love men who have fame, ambition, confidence, admiration from peers, smarts, are achievers, and have significant earning-power.
If that sounds unfair, I feel that way too. Aspies are not programmed for Social Power. because of that and the mistakes and troubles we get into, our self-esteem suffers and our confidence doesn't develop as well. This makes it harder to approach women as much as it may make us less attractive to women.
But the fact remains: You cannot avoid this programming. You have to behave the right way to keep a women interested and to develop a bond. In talking to Aspie women I see it there as much as in NT women, and most women are NT anyway.
While the limbic system's influence will wane starting around middle-age, men still desire some nookie throughout their lifetimes (though they can be less distracted and more platonically romantic), and women still evaluate men somewhat on confidence, intelligence and earning-power (though their standards can lower).
So dress up in a power suit, initiate the date by approaching the women, portray confidence, flirt, and chat her up. It will take lots of practice.
Fortunately, there are dating groups, singles nights, and matchmaking services, in many areas, through which you can meet women, who are definitely looking for a partner, and meet them in a more organised setting.
For what it's worth, many NT's do not want to "settle down" in a life long relationship until some time in their 30's, they want to spend the time beforehand discovering the world, developing a career and making something of themselves.
My advice to teens reading this: If you're young and trying hard at relationships, don't expect to find miss perfect until you're older. Use your time in youth to develop your social ability and achieve a career. Then when older you are better placed to date women.
And to re-emphasise - this is from studying books. Though I have been on one successful date and spent enough time around women to see it has some truth.
_________________
Life is Painful. Suffering is Optional. Keep your face to the Sun and never see your Shadow.
18 Feb 2011, 9:38 am
I like this post and I would agree with you. Males especially need to stop with the "women = property in five minutes of talking to me" idea and not be so serious in pursuit of a relationship. I feel as though relationships work under the science of luck: if you are not aggressively pursuing a specific goal (like sex), you will be more likely to stumble across an easier way to get to a broader goal (marriage, on the extreme end). It is so much easier to not put all women you meet/want to be romantically involved with on this "pedestal"; it takes away most of the pressure.
Why don't you post more often?
_________________
"As below, so above and beyond I imagine / Drawn beyond the lines of reason / Push the envelope / Watch it bend..."
18 Feb 2011, 4:13 pm
I believe one high quality post is more than several banal or trivial posts.
Besides, I study, I have limited time.
You are most likely to find a partner when you are being yourself the most, and when you maximise satisfaction and minimise demand, and when you focus on giving without expecting to receive. Also when you maximise opportunities.
Paradoxically, it is harder to be yourself when you are "playing the game", and this is especially true for aspies, the dating game is a social game and usually we are not natural at behaving that way.
We can get a rigid idea of how a partner or a relationship should be, and feel unhappy when that is not fulfilled or changes away from that. Becoming more accepting (not tolerating, that is different) of our partner, and removing the trivia from our standards is better. You can still choose a partner according to your needs (personal example, I find I need someone who isn't platonic, but I don't need someone who fits a particular notion of femininity, or has a particular hair colour or eye colour, etc).
I have been told again and again by psychologists: a relationship is roughly half self-nurturing, and half nurturing your partner (giving). A relationship is not a deal or an alliance. You cannot say "I'll give this and this and you give that and that". What happens if your partner is sick, forgets, or is very busy one day? You cannot expect your partner to give to you, you cannot take what your partner provides for granted, as that is selfish. You let go of your expectations, you look after yourself, and you spend the rest of your time simply giving to your partner, in a way that nurtures them. You can encourage your partner to behave the same way, of course without expecting it. Maybe you and your partner will be aloof, maybe you'll be interactive, maybe one will be more giving than the other. What matters is around half self-nurture, half nurture your partner.
It can be hard to avoid expectations sometimes, especially where the more primal feelings are involved. Being able to discuss things with your partner (communication) is important.
Finally, maximise opportunities to meet significant others. Think about your workplace, social events and groups, hobbies and arts, etc. Such that you are meeting a wider range of people regularly, instead of a few people here or there. We may avoid this to avoid feeling overwhelmed, but we risk limiting the range of people we can meet.
_________________
Life is Painful. Suffering is Optional. Keep your face to the Sun and never see your Shadow.
Sweetleaf
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27 Feb 2011, 1:00 am
This explains why women laugh at unclothed men, because to a woman that is a man stripped of status. Women love men who have fame, ambition, confidence, admiration from peers, smarts, are achievers, and have significant earning-power.
If that sounds unfair, I feel that way too. Aspies are not programmed for Social Power. because of that and the mistakes and troubles we get into, our self-esteem suffers and our confidence doesn't develop as well. This makes it harder to approach women as much as it may make us less attractive to women.
But the fact remains: You cannot avoid this programming. You have to behave the right way to keep a women interested and to develop a bond. In talking to Aspie women I see it there as much as in NT women, and most women are NT anyway.
So dress up in a power suit, initiate the date by approaching the women, portray confidence, flirt, and chat her up. It will take lots of practice.
I hope you are not applying this to 'all' females........none of what you described is all that attractive to me. In fact the only thing I can agree with is chicks like if the guy talks to them first. But that is only because I literally cannot walk up to someone I don't know and talk to them regardless of gender.
Mack27
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04 Mar 2011, 2:00 pm
If you are an alpha male then you are an alpha male and if you aren't then you will never be. Data Sage isn't an alpha male just because he has discovered how to manipulate women. There are genuinely guys who could give a sh** less about getting laid and are more focused on their career or creating something. This is the true alpha male. You can't fake that sh** and women are smart enough to detect it, well, the elite women will detect it. Asperettes will defintely detect it. Be yourself. IF you aren't an alpha male, don't fake it.
"Elite" women? Really? I don't see anyone as elite, I don't see anyone as alpha. That being said I like this guide.
17 Mar 2011, 5:29 am
Being confident and conversationally interested/interesting is great, and very attractive. But I'd advise caution about behaving in ways that are not natural for you - it can be obvious and offputting if it does not come over as natural.
For example - I went on a first date several months ago (met on ok cupid). During the date he teased me, asked lots of questions, maintained loads of extended eye contact and brushed against my arm, at one point putting his hand on my knee and leaving it there. All of which sounds pretty normal stuff to do on a date (well maybe not the knee thing)...... except it was all slightly off time and stilted and felt like he was acting.
The overall effect was that I felt really creeped out and I couldn't work out why. After a couple of hours I politely excused myself and left the date.
When I later discussed it with male friends they laughed and said 'oh he's been reading those pick up artist books and trying out the tricks on you'.
I personally would prefer to be around someone who is a little shy and acts themselves rather than someone pretending (badly) to be something they are not. All women are different.
maybe alpha male is just about being confident in who you are?
24 Mar 2011, 11:44 am
Yes, yes, we all know, none of us like change. And if we are to deal with change, we need to know ahead of time. Well guess what? Now’s your chance, because the only change is going to come from within—so you’re the one who’s going to dictate how and when these changes happen. But you have to have discipline, and you can’t back out at the last moment.
When I say “Leave Your Comfort Zone,” I’m talking about putting yourself in situations you normally wouldn’t. In this context, it’s meeting and/or talking to girls. Do you see a girl that’s attractive sitting in a restaurant? Or maybe you see a cute girl at the mall? You have to do what we all dread. You have to talk to her. But the real question is… how do you do that?
Well, maybe that’s the wrong question to be asking. The question we should be asking is how to do we prepare ourselves and put ourselves into a state where we CAN just go up and talk to them? It’s not as complicated as you would think. For those who’ve never just walked up to a girl and struck up a conversation, this will be extremely hard to do at first. Yet you only have to do a couple of things to make it actually work.
STEP 2 – Don’t hesitate.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen friends of mine do this. The longer you sit there wondering if you should/shouldn’t talk her, and the longer you analyze the situation, and the longer you sit there considering the consequences, the harder it’s going to be for you to do it in the first place. If you see a girl you like, who you think you’d like to talk to: JUST DO IT. Start walking towards her, and do it in a casual fashion. And for the love of God, make sure you’re smiling; you’d be surprised how far this goes with a woman. It’s the simplest part of meeting a girl, but it can easily become the most problematic if you don’t address it.
But not hesitating doesn’t end after you strike up small talk. Hesitation is something women can pick up on very quickly in conversation, and it’s not an attractive quality. If you’re not on top of the conversation, if you’re not engaged, she will lose interest in you. One of the most important things I tell guys to do is ask questions—ask lots of them, because women love it when guys ask for their opinion/thoughts/views on any subject. To parallel this, I also tell guys to make sure that if they’re asked a question, they respond in a quick, non-hesitant manner. Like I’ve said before: say what you mean, and mean what you say. If you try to sugarcoat something, or “beat around the bush,” as they say, the woman will pick up on it. Doing as I explained gives the girl a frame of reference, so she knows what you’re about, and knows you are who you are, and most importantly, is damn proud of it.
STEP 3 – Don’t care whether she likes you or not.
This is an aggravating concept to come to terms with, but it’s a great philosophy because it makes the idea of being rejected go completely extinct. If you see a girl that you like, especially one you haven’t talked to yet, don’t start running scenarios through your head about what your action with her will lead to. Approach it casually. What you’re looking for is a conversation and a connection, hopefully one with common ground—NOT a girlfriend. It’s an odd dynamic, but you have to really “not care” about whether or not this girl connects with you. I mean seriously: who cares? Not every girl you see should be qualified as a possible date; that qualification should come AFTER you’ve talked to them, and it should come from you, not her. This is why we have standards guys—if we didn’t, then what would the point of talking to women be? Not every girl you talk to should qualify as someone you’d want to date in your mind, and this takes a little bit of realism on your part, as well as self honesty.
But seriously, taking an all or nothing approach towards women doesn’t work, and will only bring you anxiety. The paradoxes of the male nature amaze me when I look at them objectively. Most males will engage in activities that women wouldn’t, yet the very idea of being rejected by a girl they find attractive is out of the question. I remember one particular dating guru I listened to, he had a friend, and he asked him what the craziest thing he had ever done. His friend said that he did an extreme downhill mountain biking trek without any gear on, or a helmet. Yet, this was the same guy who was having an awful hard time meeting women because he simply was terrified of just the possibility that a girl wouldn’t like him.
Unbelievable. Just let that sink in, guys.
STEP 4 – Don’t put the girl on a pedestal.
This is a big problem, especially for guys with AS, because we tend to weigh our social success as a whole on those few tense social moments. Get yourself in a mindset. As men, we are a minority—that’s right, statistically, there are more women on the Earth than men, and do you realize what that means? They’re competing over us! So if the girl doesn’t dig you, it’s their loss, not yours. You know you have something great to offer, and you want to offer it to the right type of girls. If a girl isn’t feeling you for whatever reason, then they’re not worthy of the things you may want to share with them (that’s if you’re attracted to them, of course). Think of it in an elementary school analogy: you’re at lunch and you ask a kid to trade a snack. He says no, right off the bat. So why would you want to trade with him if he doesn’t want to trade with you? Exactly the same applies to women.
STEP 5 – Control and direct the conversation.
If you do manage to finally strike up a conversation, you have to be the one to really drive things; ask her questions, girls love to talk about themselves. If you get them going enough, they’ll start to ask you questions, and the conversation will gain momentum. If you can get to this point, you’re in very good shape, but you have to be assertive—don’t back down, and make sure you’re keeping the other things I’ve been talking about in mind. If you do that, you will become very relaxed and you will be able to truly be yourself, and the girl WILL notice it. Women have an incredible sense when it comes to sniffing out social facades, and if she doesn’t detect one around you, you’ve already made an impact.
STEP 6 – Make her laugh.
If it’s one thing that makes girls comfortable, it’s when they feel they can laugh around someone. And despite what many girls tell you, they LOVE to be teased, and they love it when guys break their balls (figuratively, heh). If you’re in a conversation and a girl is rambling on, cut it and put the ball in her court. Say something like “Excuse me, for one moment, I just want to know, do you always hit on guys at this store?” Or even better, I’ll give you a more personal example of mine. I was recently at the bowling alley, and this girl was playing in the lane next to me. I started talking to her and she told me she played softball (at my college, no less). After she told me that little piece of information, I turned it around on her. I said: “Well, I hope you play softball better than you bowl.” I had her laughing like crazy, and five minutes later, I had her number. If she says something or tells an over the top story, call her a brat, and make it CLEAR it’s a joke in your body language. (this will take tremendous self-coaching as I said before, given our disadvantages) If you do this enough, you’ve already proved your unique nature to her, and she will make it clear she’s interested in you.
STEP 7 – Always be the one to end the conversation.
THIS IS HUGE. Believe me, it works. The ability to just get up and end a conversation, or just walk away from a situation, conveys so much to a woman. It explains to them subconsciously that you’re a confident person and most of all, that you’re not needy (we aspies have a hard time acting needy). This becomes an essential part of getting to the next step with that girl, because it really puts everything in perspective for them. To them, they see it this way: a guy came up, we talked, he made me laugh, we had a fun conversation, and then he left. To a woman, this is rare; they’re used to being hounded by men, and never left alone. The fact you did this puts you in a different bracket from other guys, just based on some simple behavior, and trust me, if you get this down enough, YOU WILL reap the benefits.
IV. The Language of Pick-up
Ideally, I’d shoot for something like this…
Me: Hey guys, my name’s Jonathan.
Few comments: (Cruel facts)
STEP 1&2:
Only works, if you know exactly what you are doing. Don't try to be too original and remember that desperation shines far. Politeness and strategy are huge help.
Example: When I still lived in Japan, I once had a tiny local male with glasses starting to follow me on my way back to my place, trying desperately to converse to me in English. E.g. He pointed out couple of buildings next to me "This is the police station, this is the fire station". My grumpy answer was in fluent Japanese: "I know, I live here". Then he would suddenly jump in front of me, close his eyes, throw his arms on his sides and shout: "KISS ME!!"
Not impressive at all...
STEP 3:
It makes a huge difference whether she likes you or not. If your company is clearly not appreciated, show her enough courtesy to let her be and accept your defeat on this round. It is not appreciated, if you annoy her just for fun. You think: What do I have to lose? She thinks: Why does he have to come and ruin my day?
STEP 4:
Always put the girl on the pedestal.
Unless you are a truly spectacular, amazing Adonis, she is not going to do that for you without eventually following your example. Girls love and are impressed to be appreciated and respected. You approached her with interest, she knows she can do better, if you don't treat her with commitment. In an ideal relationship both participants cherish each other, but that requires time and patience. Do not be that arrogant that you approach a girl and start demanding worshipping. Statistically, there are more men than women around, by the way.
STEP 5:
Only with moderation. Too much dominance or "pushing" is certainly not appreciated, neither is an attempt from you to see all of her cards without showing her yours. Push her buttons too much and you have her flaming in quiet frustration.
STEP 6:
Make sure your jokes actually ARE funny, and take notice that the laughter is not just plain politeness and that the phone number is genuine. Teasing only works with small portion of girls (and only with VERY moderate use) and you still run a very high risk of getting slapped. Even, if she does smile, it doesn't mean she's impressed. It is a very likely scenario that she's being polite to a stranger and thinking by herself "What a jerk...".
STEP 7:
Don't try, it's not appreciated. Women believe good listening skills are one of the greatest assets a man can have and they need to feel respected and appreciated. Be too blunt and insensitive and they'll walk away fast. Again, they know they can do much better.
Language of pick-up:
Honestly, I'd walk away as soon as I heard somebody approaching me and my friend by calling us "guys". All wrong, sorry.
Last edited by Lilya on 27 Mar 2011, 4:36 pm, edited 2 times in total.
24 Mar 2011, 8:30 pm
For example - I went on a first date several months ago (met on ok cupid). During the date he teased me, asked lots of questions, maintained loads of extended eye contact and brushed against my arm, at one point putting his hand on my knee and leaving it there. All of which sounds pretty normal stuff to do on a date (well maybe not the knee thing)...... except it was all slightly off time and stilted and felt like he was acting.
The overall effect was that I felt really creeped out and I couldn't work out why. After a couple of hours I politely excused myself and left the date.
When I later discussed it with male friends they laughed and said 'oh he's been reading those pick up artist books and trying out the tricks on you'.
I personally would prefer to be around someone who is a little shy and acts themselves rather than someone pretending (badly) to be something they are not. All women are different.
maybe alpha male is just about being confident in who you are?
I totally agree with you and if people could be there real selves we would be living in a better world. I would absolutely prefer for someone to act natural around me. Men don't really judge women as rigorously when it comes to behavior traits, Women do, especially in today's age, one's perception as self in the sense of gender has been thrown askew by media, television, internet, movies, commercials. . . Unconsciously, if a man doesn't act as sincere, confident, cheerful or as quirky as a role model within media then he is rapidly deemed unfit. Some men are serious, quiet, laid back, and their innate personality is entirely different from those role models displayed on screen.
, being confident of who you are does not guarantee attraction, some women might see it as being "snobby", "stuffy", "stuck up",
Alpha Male -
— n
the dominant male animal or person in a group
(* It is not possible for everyone to be dominant.)
I believe there is an entirely different usage of the term "Alpha Male" that coexists with it's dictionary meaning. These dating tricks that are being marketed and sold operate by using behavior modification, neural linguistics . . You can learn it, master it but there is no secret potion, "if two guys are at a bar, talking to a women, both bring equal confidence, comedy , intrigue into the conversation, the girl would choose the more attractive one. While these programs may help you, they don't help her....
