"Just be friendly."

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rdos
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23 Jun 2019, 10:03 am

Luhluhluh wrote:

I think you missed my posts about how he completely rebuilt our kitchen and bathroom entirely on his own without requiring outside help. Or how he's won awards for his astrophotography.

That's pretty cool. Why would you ever complain about such a great man? :-)

Luhluhluh wrote:

If you want to continue to see me as the bad guy that's fine because it doesn't hurt me. What I think is funny is how guys on this forum continually dismiss any comment a woman makes, then spend all their time jumping down the Red Pill rabbit hole to blame shift and explain their own problems or failures. I guess it's more comforting to indulge in your own confirmation bias than to face up to the fact that maybe what you have to offer a partner isn't as stellar as you think it is.

Red pill is just a consequence of trying to fit into NT society, and might at best make men end up in lousy relationships with women similar to you that will come here and vent how horrible they are.

Luhluhluh
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23 Jun 2019, 10:08 am

rdos wrote:

Luhluhluh wrote:

I think you missed my posts about how he completely rebuilt our kitchen and bathroom entirely on his own without requiring outside help. Or how he's won awards for his astrophotography.

That's pretty cool. Why would you ever complain about such a great man? :-)

Luhluhluh wrote:

Red pill is just a consequence of trying to fit into NT society, and might at best make men end up in lousy relationships with women similar to you that will come here and vent how horrible they are.

People vent - that's what human beings do. I mean this forum is a perfect example of that lol!

And nah, Red Pill is just a scam to con men into believing that women are the source of their problems instead of accepting responsibility for their own behavior.

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funeralxempire
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23 Jun 2019, 10:12 am

rdos wrote:

Luhluhluh wrote:

I think you missed my posts about how he completely rebuilt our kitchen and bathroom entirely on his own without requiring outside help. Or how he's won awards for his astrophotography.

That's pretty cool. Why would you ever complain about such a great man? :-)

Luhluhluh wrote:

Red pill is just a consequence of trying to fit into NT society, and might at best make men end up in lousy relationships with women similar to you that will come here and vent how horrible they are.

You're making her case for her better than anyone ever could without someone volunteering to provide the case study.

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Just a reminder: under international law, an occupying power has no right of self-defense, and those who are occupied have the right and duty to liberate themselves by any means possible.

rdos
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23 Jun 2019, 11:09 am

Luhluhluh wrote:

People vent - that's what human beings do. I mean this forum is a perfect example of that lol!

Not really. I would very much hate being in a relationship with somebody that vented publicly everything that she disliked about the relationship. I think that is private information that should not be shared.

Luhluhluh wrote:

And nah, Red Pill is just a scam to con men into believing that women are the source of their problems instead of accepting responsibility for their own behavior.

Not quite. Red Pill aims to teach how to seduce NT women. Has nothing to do with accepting any responsibility.

TwilightPrincess
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23 Jun 2019, 11:16 am

rdos wrote:

Luhluhluh wrote:

People vent - that's what human beings do. I mean this forum is a perfect example of that lol!

Has she given us his name and address so we can show up at their house and publicly mock him?

Venting on a public forum generally is private.

Fnord
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23 Jun 2019, 11:17 am

Luhluhluh wrote:

... Red Pill is just a scam to con men into believing that women are the source of their problems instead of accepting responsibility for their own behavior.

^Quoted for Truth^

It’s easier for the losers of a race to blame their losses on the winners (or the winners’ alleged “privileges”) than on themselves. They would be better off to either train harder or sit quietly in the stands and just watch.

kraftiekortie
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23 Jun 2019, 11:20 am

People might lose battles....but they don’t have to lose the war.

I’m not sitting in the stands if I lose one battle. I’m getting right up and try (and try again)!

rdos
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23 Jun 2019, 11:25 am

Fnord wrote:

Luhluhluh wrote:

... Red Pill is just a scam to con men into believing that women are the source of their problems instead of accepting responsibility for their own behavior.

So who are the winners? The ND man that found some NT woman that won't take any responsibility for the failures of their relationship and instead vent about how horrible it was publicly? Because that is the scenario you are pushing ND guys into pursuing. As for me, I'd only consider myself a "winner" if I found somebody compatible that I could share my life with, without needing to compromise on my natural preferences or have to cope with drama and alike.

TwilightPrincess
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23 Jun 2019, 11:36 am

rdos wrote:

Fnord wrote:

Luhluhluh wrote:

... Red Pill is just a scam to con men into believing that women are the source of their problems instead of accepting responsibility for their own behavior.

You are taking a very extreme view here. I’m sure there’s more to Lulululuh’s relationship than just venting on here. For all we know, her husband vents about her, too.

Both people need to take responsibility in a relationship.

Sometimes you need to make compromises (even with someone that you are highly compatible with). That’s just how relationships are. If doing so isn’t worth it for you, you might be happier single. Most people think it’s worth it. Both people can be winners, overall.

(I want to make it clear that working on self improvement is NOT compromising. It’s even more beneficial for the individual who is working on specific goals than it is for a future partner.)

rdos
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23 Jun 2019, 11:51 am

Twilightprincess wrote:

Sometimes you need to make compromises (even with someone that you are highly compatible with). That’s just how relationships are. If doing so isn’t worth it for you, you might be happier single. Most people think it’s worth it. Both people can be winners, overall.

Agreed, but you first need to explore what to expect. I'd say a minimum expectation is that you can communicate naturally with each other. Any complaints about being cold, not being able to communicate feelings and similar means you are in a sub-optimal relationship. The remedy is to get out and not to try harder to decode NTs and certainly not to become more "socially competent".

Twilightprincess wrote:

(I want to make it clear that working on self improvement is NOT compromising. It’s even more beneficial for the individual who is working on specific goals than it is for a future partner.)

Depends on what exactly self improvement is. I'm all for learning new things, excelling in interests and learning more about how I work naturally, and even being able to have NT acquaintances and seem pretty normal to strangers. However, I'm completely against learning how to seduce NT women or anything else related to NT relationships as that will not lead anywhere.

Last edited by rdos on 23 Jun 2019, 12:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Marknis
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23 Jun 2019, 11:54 am

Luhluhluh wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Lulu, I reached this conclusion, because ever you joined WP, you haven’t said any 1 positive thing about your AS partner.

You talk about him as if he is someone kid or mentally challenged.

I think you missed my posts about how he completely rebuilt our kitchen and bathroom entirely on his own without requiring outside help. Or how he's won awards for his astrophotography.

If you want to continue to see me as the bad guy that's fine because it doesn't hurt me. What I think is funny is how guys on this forum continually dismiss any comment a woman makes, then spend all their time jumping down the Red Pill rabbit hole to blame shift and explain their own problems or failures. I guess it's more comforting to indulge in your own confirmation bias than to face up to the fact that maybe what you have to offer a partner isn't as stellar as you think it is.

You've told me straight out you don't want me to have a girlfriend but yet apparently I am the bad guy in your eyes.

Contrary to what you think, I've never gone for anything like the Red Pill. When I became depressed at 17, that term was not in vogue at all. When I realized how I was pushing 18 but I wasn't going on dates like my siblings were and nearly all of my male classmates had girlfriends, it devastated me. I didn't know I had Aspergers yet so I wondered why other guys had girlfriends but I didn't. Even going to the school counselor didn't help me. In fact, she snarled at me for having low self-esteem and not being happy with myself. How could I when I really had no friends, was stuck at home since I didn't have a vehicle, was getting beat up by my older brother, and was considered a "weirdo" for not binge watching Fox News, raving about football, blasting country or rap music, and having a membership in the Jesus fanclub?

The ones who use the Red Pill term tend to be Bible Belters or people from more liberal areas who don't like where they live think the Bible Belt is some sort of utopia. The root cause of my struggles is the sick social attitudes of the culture I live in.

Last edited by Marknis on 23 Jun 2019, 12:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.

TwilightPrincess
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23 Jun 2019, 12:00 pm

rdos wrote:

Twilightprincess wrote:

Even ND people don’t want to be in a relationship with someone who seems cold and distant.

I think it would depend on what degree of coldness we’re talking about. People do have emotional needs in relationships.

What’s wrong with working on social skills that would enable someone to have a fulfilling romantic relationship?

Last edited by TwilightPrincess on 23 Jun 2019, 12:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Luhluhluh
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23 Jun 2019, 12:07 pm

Twilightprincess wrote:

I think it's telling here that observation is confused with criticism.

In a few of my posts, I have made the observation that my partner has issues related to his autism, such as his poor executive function or lack of time management.

Consequently, I've also observed that these observations have been taken by quite a few forum members as criticism.

Which is curious to me, because autism spectrum disorder can sort of be compared to having a chronic health condition.

My partner also has diabetes, and as a result he gets tired and cranky when his blood sugar is low. And commenting on him being tired and cranky because of his hypoglycemia would not be considered a criticism because that's stupid, of course it's not. So why is commenting on his executive function considered criticism?

My guess is that quite a few of the folks here have spent a good deal of their lives feeling depressed and possibly bullied due to their conditions and they have a sort of PTSD, wherein they have this hyper defensive response to any perceived attack, whether real or not.

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Marknis
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23 Jun 2019, 12:12 pm

I refuse to let Luhluhluh tell me to give up wanting a girlfriend and act like it was ok for bullies to harm me.

rdos
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23 Jun 2019, 12:38 pm

Luhluhluh wrote:

In a few of my posts, I have made the observation that my partner has issues related to his autism, such as his poor executive function or lack of time management.

Our culture puts a lot of demands on executive functioning, and time management, but I really hate to plan my time like that, and so refuse to participate. I like to have projects going all the time, and I have rebuilt the kitchen, but generally, I try to select less obstructive projects. The issue here is to find some kind of agreement that works, and it might not be the one you prefer.

Luhluhluh wrote:

Consequently, I've also observed that these observations have been taken by quite a few forum members as criticism.

Which is curious to me, because autism spectrum disorder can sort of be compared to having a chronic health condition.

My partner also has diabetes, and as a result he gets tired and cranky when his blood sugar is low. And commenting on him being tired and cranky because of his hypoglycemia would not be considered a criticism because that's stupid, of course it's not. So why is commenting on his executive function considered criticism?

Because it is related to his needs to have special interests he can focus on.

Luhluhluh wrote:

My guess is that quite a few of the folks here have spent a good deal of their lives feeling depressed and possibly bullied due to their conditions and they have a sort of PTSD, wherein they have this hyper defensive response to any perceived attack, whether real or not.

Nope. No depression, no bullying, and no PTSD.

rdos
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23 Jun 2019, 12:53 pm

Twilightprincess wrote:

Of course. That's why it is important that you can share feelings / emotions naturally without having to resort to being very literal about it. To me, that means I would just know how my partner feels and I could send her happy feelings without having to resort to talking or faking NT nonverbal communication.

Twilightprincess wrote:

What’s wrong with working on social skills that would enable someone to have a fulfilling romantic relationship?

Basically everything. It means you bought the view that you need to act NT to get a fulfilling romantic relationship, and such an approach will lead to failure if we have a bit higher standards about "winners" than just finding somebody that wants to date you. OTOH, social skills are useful in the job market, and in many other areas, just not in the relationship area.

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