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"Creepy" guys

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ToadOfSteel
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12 Jul 2009, 1:15 am

sinsboldly wrote:
Why do you guys even bother? Why not meet women that are not like that?


There are women that will see me and not immediately freak out?



sinsboldly
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12 Jul 2009, 1:33 am

ToadOfSteel wrote:
sinsboldly wrote:
Why do you guys even bother? Why not meet women that are not like that?


There are women that will see me and not immediately freak out?


oh, I wouldn't go that far. I didn't realize you actually wanted this to happen in real time. :roll:

it's just a gentle tease.

Merle


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MikeH106
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12 Jul 2009, 9:45 am

You know, a lot of guys who are 'scary' or 'creepy' might just be in a lot of pain. And that wouldn't necessarily be their own fault.


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MDD123
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12 Jul 2009, 11:11 am

Based on what we're all saying, creepy is 2 things. Not completely understood (and can be caused by excess honesty). Secondly they have to not like us for some reason, those seem to be the 2 conditions for a well meaning guy to be thought of as creepy.



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12 Jul 2009, 11:26 am

Creepy is how a guy manages his sexuality. If the guy doesn't have a good handle on it and crosses the line into behaviors that allow his intentions to be misunderstood then the creepy vibe is out there to be felt by others. The vibe that a female has something that a male wants and somehow the female should be obligated to give it to the male is the basis of creepy.


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MDD123
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12 Jul 2009, 11:43 am

sinsboldly wrote:
Creepy is how a guy manages his sexuality. If the guy doesn't have a good handle on it and crosses the line into behaviors that allow his intentions to be misunderstood then the creepy vibe is out there to be felt by others. The vibe that a female has something that a male wants and somehow the female should be obligated to give it to the male is the basis of creepy.


This is a better way of explaining it, it takes both people into account and helps guys understand the psychology at work. Nothing bothers me more when I see other people treat women like they're obligated to satisfy men, but it's easy to get into that mentality myself, not as easy as it used to be, but it's someting a guy has to monitor if he doesn't want to get into the wrong mindset.



ToadOfSteel
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12 Jul 2009, 12:32 pm

MDD123 wrote:
This is a better way of explaining it, it takes both people into account and helps guys understand the psychology at work. Nothing bothers me more when I see other people treat women like they're obligated to satisfy men, but it's easy to get into that mentality myself, not as easy as it used to be, but it's someting a guy has to monitor if he doesn't want to get into the wrong mindset.


Personally, I'm hyper-vigilant (almost OCD) on preventing myself from exhibiting this behavior, and yet it still makes me creepy somehow...

Of course, I don't make any sexual advances at all (not even flirting) unless I'm 100% certain that she actually wants me to do so (most often happens if she initiates contact of any kind, and then I will only respond to the level that she has set, and not one iota further...)



Justin6378
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12 Jul 2009, 12:44 pm

Sometimes I notice that I can be seen as "creapy" when I say something dumb,
I notice even more when kicked in the nuts! 8O


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MDD123
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12 Jul 2009, 11:07 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:
MDD123 wrote:
This is a better way of explaining it, it takes both people into account and helps guys understand the psychology at work. Nothing bothers me more when I see other people treat women like they're obligated to satisfy men, but it's easy to get into that mentality myself, not as easy as it used to be, but it's someting a guy has to monitor if he doesn't want to get into the wrong mindset.


Personally, I'm hyper-vigilant (almost OCD) on preventing myself from exhibiting this behavior, and yet it still makes me creepy somehow...

Of course, I don't make any sexual advances at all (not even flirting) unless I'm 100% certain that she actually wants me to do so (most often happens if she initiates contact of any kind, and then I will only respond to the level that she has set, and not one iota further...)


You have a good realization of equality here, but I think you're not considering yourself, you want to be happy too, but you don't want to do it the wrong way. There's an irrational mindset that you have to go straight to sex on the first or second date (I read that in a magazine somewhere), but being comfortable around someone is what helps. I read a book on body language and studied body language in movies (volume muted), body language tells a story of it's own and may tell you when it's appropriate to make a move. I can't say I'm aware of my own body language all the time, but I've noticed body language in others, reacting on the spot isn't something I'm good at, but I can say that understanding body language makes a difference.



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13 Jul 2009, 5:30 am

The best way to not be creepy is to not aim for any kind of romantic interaction when talking to a woman, especially if you are hindered by AS. Just aim to be friends, mostly I'd much rather be friends with people anyway. If you build up a good friendship with someone you have a better chance of finding out if they are someone you actually like, someone that would understand AS, someone that might be interested in you or someone who would let you down gently and still be your friend if they aren't.

Then you can tackle breaking it to them that you like them, armed with a good knowledge of their personality. There's always the chance that they might break it to you first!

Some NT people can do this instantly which enables them to not be creepy or they can constantly remain friends keeping a flirtatious undercurrent going that never oversteps a mutually (and silently) established point. You don't need to do this there is no rush, don't ever look, just make friends and if you're lucky one might be a reasonable human being.



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13 Jul 2009, 6:33 am

Dantac wrote:

that made me 'creepy' I guess and she never talked to me again. go figure.


If you show someone that you can do something very easily they may naturally assume that you do it a lot ;)



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13 Jul 2009, 6:37 am

Sinsboldly wrote:
Creepy is how a guy manages his sexuality. If the guy doesn't have a good handle on it and crosses the line into behaviors that allow his intentions to be misunderstood then the creepy vibe is out there to be felt by others. The vibe that a female has something that a male wants and somehow the female should be obligated to give it to the male is the basis of creepy.

That maybe the technical meaning of the word, but that isn't how or why it is used by the vast majority of girls. It would be generally accurate to say it's a stupid phrase used by stupid people.



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13 Jul 2009, 6:38 am

Dantac wrote:
creepy as in scary.. or creepy as in 'too weird' ... or both.

in any case, women (and men) put a sort of unconscious 'shun' on a person that does not match their preconception or template of how others should behave or know/dress/etc.

In fact, a girl stopped talking to me altogether simply because I proved to her that it wasn't a good idea to put so much information about yourself on the internet (facebook). Lets just say she thought that using a fake name , never giving out her location or personal info like phone number and stuff kept her safe.

I took her laptop, asked her to show me her page. In her page she had several pictures of herself hanging out with friends, etc .. you know, normal stuff. I told her that those pictures were giving out insane amount of information about herself... she had a t-shirt of the university she was going to (so did a couple of her friends in other pics) so that narrowed down her location to the city that hosted the university. I showed her how the 'wall' her RL friends wrote there literally pinpointed the apartment complex she lived in. I googled the apt. complex name , put it on a google map and showed her how, in 15 minutes, without me knowing where she lived (i really didnt) not only did i know where she lived, what places she visited, what school she went to but even what car she drove (it was in a picture).

that made me 'creepy' I guess and she never talked to me again. go figure.


If I was her, I would have been creeped out too. Do you want to know why that comes off as creepy? Because you were so frighteningly proficient at it, making it seem like you got lots and lots of practice at what is essentially cyberstalking (even though you were doing it to prove a point). It would be rather like a serial killer saying, "let me show you my knife collection- not that I have any intention of stabbing you in particular".



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13 Jul 2009, 6:39 am

Hmmmn wrote:
Dantac wrote:

that made me 'creepy' I guess and she never talked to me again. go figure.


If you show someone that you can do something very easily they may naturally assume that you do it a lot ;)


Yup. That level of proficiency just screams "I do this 5 hours a day- that's why I'm so good at it".



0_equals_true
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13 Jul 2009, 7:04 am

sinsboldly wrote:
Creepy is how a guy manages his sexuality. If the guy doesn't have a good handle on it and crosses the line into behaviors that allow his intentions to be misunderstood then the creepy vibe is out there to be felt by others. The vibe that a female has something that a male wants and somehow the female should be obligated to give it to the male is the basis of creepy.

I disagree, it doesn't necessarily have to do with sex. People in general are a poor judge of character, or else they wouldn't make so many mistakes.

I think 'creepiness' is a similar phenomena to what makes dogs neurotic around some humans. Dogs in the wild (dingos, African wild dogs, etc) are almost never neurotic, because they have a pack role. Dogs can sense nervous energy from humans very well and this can change their behaviour almost instantly.

Also for sexuality you make out as if “the line” doesn’t shift for different people but it could do. Creepiness is not a sex or gender specific trait, from experience.



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13 Jul 2009, 11:45 am

sinsboldly wrote:
Creepy is how a guy manages his sexuality. If the guy doesn't have a good handle on it and crosses the line into behaviors that allow his intentions to be misunderstood then the creepy vibe is out there to be felt by others. The vibe that a female has something that a male wants and somehow the female should be obligated to give it to the male is the basis of creepy.

I disagree completely. No offense but you're 58 and somewhat out of the loop on these things.