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A few things I have noticed on this sub-forum

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ToadOfSteel
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06 Nov 2009, 2:40 pm

Janissy wrote:
I never gave any list of "what are your standards, what are your dealbreakers" threads because I never consciously had such a list. But now that you bring this subject up, apparently I had a barely negotiable standard of "must connect emotionally with some sort of music". I didn't realize it was a standard until I "settled" for somebody who didn't. I was VERY lonely at the time because I was working the night shift and so saw very few people and I desperately needed to be around people. I didn't consciously say "I will settle". I just found myself attracted nevertheless to somebody who never once said "that's my favorite song- turn it up!!" or even listened to the radio...ever. We broke up shortly after I got a day shift job. Then I was no longer so lonely to be around a human- any human- and he realized I was just way to...something...for him. But most people actually like some sort of music so it's a rather easy standard to meet. (My husband, naturally, brought many many CDs to the marriage).


It does help a bit though if there is some overlap between music tastes however. With people like me it's easy... I enjoy a wide range of music that most people that emotionally connect to some kind of music at all will find some compatibility there (and I get the idea that a lot of people are at least somewhat similarly varied in taste). But if you get an extreme metalhead with a devout opera enthusiast, it would be a little difficult...



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06 Nov 2009, 2:48 pm

Actually, I get what you guys mean with clicking with others emotionally through music. It's like, whenever someone has disliked my music or didn't really care for it, it felt like they didn't like a deep part of me, and it hurts my feelings a bit.



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06 Nov 2009, 3:05 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:
I. But if you get an extreme metalhead with a devout opera enthusiast, it would be a little difficult...


They could listen to "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen together. :wink:



SilverStar
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06 Nov 2009, 3:29 pm

HH wrote:
SilverStar wrote:
and many of those women are choosing partners for the wrong reasons


There is no such thing. Every person gets to decide for themselves their own reasons for whom to choose and who to reject.



Yes, each and every person decides who their potential partners are, but sometimes, the factors they base their decisions on are skewed. There isn't a 60% divorce rate in this country for nothing...



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06 Nov 2009, 6:06 pm

MissConstrue wrote:
Another thing I'm getting sick of is seeing these blunt and nasty generalizations about women on here.

I don't know but I've been thinking about leaving this place. It just depresses me and I'm really sick of this crap about how awful women are. The nice guy crap has been nothing but BS here. I really hope not all guys think this way but this place just reaks of racism and sexism and pretty narrow minded members.

I'm probably sounding a bit too far fetched but it's just getting to me and in ways I didn't imagine. I'd rather go on a forum where I can be a little more honest and open-minded than this rubbish.


Sorry but how is this thread anyway sexist? :? All I did was point out the double standards that some people (I didnt single out either gender) have on here.

Also have you not noticed the hypocrisy in what you've just said, you've failed to point out how some women (not you) tarnish all men with the same brush and pretty much make it clear nobody is good enough for them and how they always have excuses for just about anything.

Well done for completely missing the point.


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Last edited by Daemonic-Jackal on 06 Nov 2009, 6:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.

HH
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06 Nov 2009, 6:36 pm

I'm not following how you read that to mean this thread is sexist.



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06 Nov 2009, 6:43 pm

HH wrote:
I'm not following how you read that to mean this thread is sexist.


It isn't sexist, thats my point, but Miss Construe decided to turn my original constructive rant which didn't single out either gender into her own personal vendetta.


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Ambivalence
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06 Nov 2009, 7:28 pm

Janissy wrote:
ToadOfSteel wrote:
I. But if you get an extreme metalhead with a devout opera enthusiast, it would be a little difficult...


They could listen to "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen together. :wink:


I'm thinking Nightwish! - symphonic power metal! :) (such terrible lyrics (mind, most operas have atrocious lyrics when it comes down to it)... and yet such terribly attractive music... ...I feel dirty for liking them... :lol: )

Quote:
Actually, I get what you guys mean with clicking with others emotionally through music. It's like, whenever someone has disliked my music or didn't really care for it, it felt like they didn't like a deep part of me, and it hurts my feelings a bit.


Something I do when visiting anyone's house for the first time is to go through their music and book collections start to finish. 8) But bearing in mind that someone going through mine would find an awful lot of rubbish because I buy things just to find out whether I like them or not. :)


As to the sexism thing, well, leaving this thread aside, it's certainly the case that a lot of the threads in this sub-forum make me recoil - and I am explicitly not the sort of person to cry -ism at any opportunity, because it leads to such a horrible environment IME. I think Miss Construe is right to criticise the general atmosphere, and the thread title does refer to observations on the whole sub-forum, so it is appropriate enough for her to mention that here.


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MissConstrue
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06 Nov 2009, 8:26 pm

Daemonic-Jackal wrote:
HH wrote:
I'm not following how you read that to mean this thread is sexist.


It isn't sexist, thats my point, but Miss Construe decided to turn my original constructive rant which didn't single out either gender into her own personal vendetta.


For my own personal vendetta...?

How insightful of you daemonic, assume much?

I was describing the threads in this subforum.

Also I would quit with the assumption you have of me, I understand the frustration of being single and I have been trying to be supportive of the guys here. I just have little time for the ones that come here on a regular basis to rant about women as if they were one and the same person. I'm also getting real sick and tired of the generalizations that women only go for guys who are mean or money. I guess you haven't noticed this?

Mkay your thread.

Oh and I don't believe men should be painted with the same brush stroke either...


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Last edited by MissConstrue on 06 Nov 2009, 8:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.

MissConstrue
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06 Nov 2009, 8:36 pm

Daemonic-Jackal wrote:
MissConstrue wrote:
Another thing I'm getting sick of is seeing these blunt and nasty generalizations about women on here.

I don't know but I've been thinking about leaving this place. It just depresses me and I'm really sick of this crap about how awful women are. The nice guy crap has been nothing but BS here. I really hope not all guys think this way but this place just reaks of racism and sexism and pretty narrow minded members.

I'm probably sounding a bit too far fetched but it's just getting to me and in ways I didn't imagine. I'd rather go on a forum where I can be a little more honest and open-minded than this rubbish.


Sorry but how is this thread anyway sexist? :? All I did was point out the double standards that some people (I didnt single out either gender) have on here.

Also have you not noticed the hypocrisy in what you've just said, you've failed to point out how some women (not you) tarnish all men with the same brush and pretty much make it clear nobody is good enough for them and how they always have excuses for just about anything.

Well done for completely missing the point.


I don't believe I did miss the point and I don't believe I ever said it was in this thread but thanks for your time.

Bye now.


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07 Nov 2009, 3:05 am

f**k interests.

If you're attracted to them, and they're attracted to you and you treat each otehr with mutual respect, I don't see what the problem is.

My parents have been hapily married for 30 years and they dont share ANY interests.

In my opinion going emo over interests is having too high standards.



HH
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07 Nov 2009, 3:42 am

Ambivalence wrote:
As to the sexism thing, well, leaving this thread aside, it's certainly the case that a lot of the threads in this sub-forum make me recoil - and I am explicitly not the sort of person to cry -ism at any opportunity, because it leads to such a horrible environment IME. I think Miss Construe is right to criticise the general atmosphere, and the thread title does refer to observations on the whole sub-forum, so it is appropriate enough for her to mention that here.


What Ambivalence said. I have no idea what "personal vendetta" could even mean in this context.



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08 Nov 2009, 7:18 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
f**k interests.

If you're attracted to them, and they're attracted to you and you treat each otehr with mutual respect, I don't see what the problem is.

My parents have been hapily married for 30 years and they dont share ANY interests.

In my opinion going emo over interests is having too high standards.


The best relationship is where both participants are in love with the relationship. The longest lasting relationships are where both participants are interested in the relationship more than they are their individual interests and activities. My parents were married and lived together for 66 years and died three months apart. Their main focus was not their undying love for each other, (love comes, love goes you base your relationship on romantic love and so will your relationship come and go, as well.) but their commitment to the relationship they had built over the years.

So, look for someone that has the same interest in having a partnership through life. Someone that understands devotion and dedication to the same thing you are striving for. Someone that wants to bond with another person and be committed to that relationship. Oh, and be sure that is what you want, too! No fair wasting their time while you are figuring it out.


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techstepgenr8tion
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08 Nov 2009, 11:13 pm

sinsboldly wrote:
The best relationship is where both participants are in love with the relationship. The longest lasting relationships are where both participants are interested in the relationship more than they are their individual interests and activities. My parents were married and lived together for 66 years and died three months apart. Their main focus was not their undying love for each other, (love comes, love goes you base your relationship on romantic love and so will your relationship come and go, as well.) but their commitment to the relationship they had built over the years.

So, look for someone that has the same interest in having a partnership through life. Someone that understands devotion and dedication to the same thing you are striving for. Someone that wants to bond with another person and be committed to that relationship. Oh, and be sure that is what you want, too! No fair wasting their time while you are figuring it out.


I have to agree with most of this - just that there has to be mutual respect on interests, especially for people who are very passionate or identity-linked to certain things; otherwise being able to relate becomes a problem.



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09 Nov 2009, 12:19 am

techstepgenr8tion wrote:
sinsboldly wrote:
The best relationship is where both participants are in love with the relationship. The longest lasting relationships are where both participants are interested in the relationship more than they are their individual interests and activities. My parents were married and lived together for 66 years and died three months apart. Their main focus was not their undying love for each other, (love comes, love goes you base your relationship on romantic love and so will your relationship come and go, as well.) but their commitment to the relationship they had built over the years.

So, look for someone that has the same interest in having a partnership through life. Someone that understands devotion and dedication to the same thing you are striving for. Someone that wants to bond with another person and be committed to that relationship. Oh, and be sure that is what you want, too! No fair wasting their time while you are figuring it out.


I have to agree with most of this - just that there has to be mutual respect on interests, especially for people who are very passionate or identity-linked to certain things; otherwise being able to relate becomes a problem.


I remember being shocked when my mother was telling me about some spiritual belief of hers, and I was astonished, knowing my fathers almost militant atheism. She just told me "oh, I don't talk to your father about those things."

She was able to have her own beliefs and my father have his. This was just their allowances for each other, though. I couldn't have a relationship where my spiritual feelings were not part of the deal, but it worked for them. The point is they respected each other to give each other space and wiggle room.


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