What is wrong with innocence?

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ELLCIM
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30 Apr 2006, 4:17 pm

Saraswathi wrote:

Isn't that an unfair generalisation though, based on your limited experience? Being realistic, at the age of 20 you haven't had the chance to meet a wide range of women. (...) But - I live in a city of less than 100,000 people, and there are limited opportunities for me to meet men who appeal to me. With AS, we tend to stick to known routines and patterns, and in general don't socialise as often as NT's. It isn't surprising then, that to our frustration we meet the same personality types over and over again. It would be easy to draw generalisations from that about the entire opposite gender based on those experiences, but it would be, I suspect, wildly innaccurate. How can we do the same thing repeatedly and expect to get a different result?

I live in a metropolis of about 450,000 and I go to one of the largest universities in Canada, and I went to a very large high school as well. I have met many, many people (obviously including women) over the last six years. The place I work has a very large staff (a single store with over 200 employees), many of whom are young people. And, even though I have AS, I make an effort to socialize with others. I just find that the majority of the people I know (and bear in mind I know a lot of people through business, school, and church) have similar characteristics based on gender: men tend to be shallow on physical aspects, but usually mean what they say; women tend to be shallow on invisible aspects, and rarely ever mean what they say.

ELLCIM
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30 Apr 2006, 4:22 pm

techstepgenr8tion wrote:

Ellcim, you can't blame them though - its natural law, it's genes trying to assert themselves, it's the force of animal instinct trying to ensure survival of the fittest in a day and age where we don't pull out clubs and spears to see who ends up with who or who has mating rights.

We're not monkeys though. Humans have the special ability to think logically and rise above our primative "instincts". And in many parts of life, we do rise above these instincts. If we conformed to our instincts, we would be killing other humans a lot more than we are now. We have restraint in most facets of life.

ELLCIM
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30 Apr 2006, 4:28 pm

Saraswathi wrote:

This is exactly my point! We _don't_ pull out clubs and spears anymore, so women aren't all searching for men who use braun to communicate in order to assert their 'mating rights'. I don't think you have to change who you are, I think you need to change where you look! The responses you're getting do _not_ sound typical of the female population that I'm familiar with.

I am virtually unable to change where I look because I am already looking at a very broad cross-section of young women. The only limitation I really have now is distance from home. But it isn't realistic for me to travel to New Jersey just to experience a new crop of young women (among which there is an Aspie :wink:

) Plus moving would be technically changing who I am.

The good news is that I haven't met every single young woman in this metropolis yet. There are mature girls out there; they're just harder to find.

ELLCIM
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30 Apr 2006, 4:33 pm

techstepgenr8tion wrote:

but we got to talking and agreed that a lot of the women who are in the position we are and looking for what we are might be so sick of the crap in the dating scene that where else would they turn to find someone who's serious about it? A well qualified dating site. Not to say there aren't flakes but I could imagine most of those sites tend to serve the people who are either too busy in their professional lives or also people who are kind of subcultural in one way or another and are looking for way more than what the dating game will ever allow them to hook up with unless they were that sleek and GQ to just get anything or anyone with a snap of their fingers.

A lot of women certainly get sick of the crap in the dating scene, but many are not willing to give up "cocky & funny" and "confidence" in order to receive the respect they want. My experiences with dating sites have not been that great, but that comes with being 20 years old too. At least at my age, a lot of girls are just out looking for sex.

Saraswathi
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30 Apr 2006, 5:37 pm

Quote:

I am virtually unable to change where I look because I am already looking at a very broad cross-section of young women.

I think the key word there is 'young'. Once you've left college, new opportunities will present themeselves, perhaps in your chosen field of interest, someone you meet through work for example.

Quote:

The good news is that I haven't met every single young woman in this metropolis yet. There are mature girls out there; they're just harder to find

They are, but as you get older the women around you are going to be doing some growing up too. I daresay it's some of them that need the experience, not you. In this day and age, I also don't see why you can't date a woman older than yourself, keeping in mind that physiological age doesn't always correspond to emotional age. Keep in mind, too, that NT's have this problem. Heterosexual, bisexual, homosexual, asexual, it doesn't matter - there is a narrow criteria of what most people find attractive in another person, hence it's a bit hit and miss. Sometimes we make the mistake of looking too hard, and miss opportunities that would have been more suitable for us.

Saraswathi
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30 Apr 2006, 5:45 pm

Quote:

A lot of women certainly get sick of the crap in the dating scene, but many are not willing to give up "cocky & funny" and "confidence" in order to receive the respect they want.

It depends how you define 'confidence'. I think you'll find that most women are interested in a man who has enough confidence to show her that he's interested. Women will in certain circumstances mistake a man's lack of confidence for disinterest and boredom. That's crushing to a woman's self-esteem, so she probably won't stick around long. It isn't because she wants a "He Man" character, she just wants to feel as though she's special to someone.

Aspie_Chav
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01 May 2006, 1:22 am

techstepgenr8tion wrote:

They get on guys about being basic but seriously, they need to check their game...

Not going to happen. You have to be prepared to play the game.

ELLCIM
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01 May 2006, 10:33 am

Saraswathi wrote:

Then you show the woman that you're interested and they get turned off. They say you're "too forward". It's almost impossible to win.

Saraswathi
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01 May 2006, 10:38 am

Quote:

Then you show the woman that you're interested and they get turned off. They say you're "too forward". It's almost impossible to win.

I think you get the idea now :wink:

LePetitPrince
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01 May 2006, 12:49 pm

ELLCIM , your thread explains why most women love jerks and it explains the old saying " The nice guys finish last ....because in general jerks are more experienced and nice guys are usualy of the shy innocent type and so they are mostly inexperienced .
I remember well ELLCIM that you disagreed that most women prefer jerks ....well ur chat history proves the contrast .... "C" and "M" are two typical NT females who prefers the experienced guy who kisses and f*** every girl at sight ..in other term a playboy or a jerk guy .

Very weird that how many women always say that they want a loyal guy and instinctly they love the playboy guy ! :roll:

but of coure again I say this is not the case of all women but sadly a big part of women.

ELLCIM
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01 May 2006, 5:50 pm

LePetitPrince wrote:

I remember well ELLCIM that you disagreed that most women prefer jerks ....well your chat history proves the contrast.

I never said that. Show me my post where I said that. Are you sure you're not referring to someone else?

LePetitPrince
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02 May 2006, 11:07 am

^^ hmm sorry I think I am mistaken with someone else.

ELLCIM
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02 May 2006, 4:17 pm

LePetitPrince wrote:

^^ hmm sorry I think I am mistaken with someone else.

Yeah, I thought you were thinking of some of our former members that disagreed with things for the sake of disagreeing.

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