asexuality - does anyone else feel this way?

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I think asexuality is a name for the people at the bottom of the spectrum...I don't think I said I was absolute-zero sex. Remember, asexuals are only supposed to be 1% of the population. It's not a large number of people that we're talking about here.

A comment, not to anyone in particular (ie not directed at pineapple just because I am posting after pineapple)

I read the debate on wikipedia and it looks like everyone is confused. I am. I used to think I had a very low sex drive, until I got a steady girlfriend and the i became a sex god.

I think that a low libido may be a natural body response to not being sexually active combined with anxiety about relationships. Its a stimulus - response thing. Its like if you are not physically fit, you do not feel like exercising. The longer you are not sexually active, the lower your libido.

Conversely, the more you get, the more you want (or until you get sore!), although different people have different libido levels.

Unless you are in a relationship with someone who has a different libido, I wouldn't worry too much.

Strewth, could be that once the drought breaks you "bang like a dunny door in a hurricane".

It's not a matter of ignoring your mojo, its a matter of feeling like you totally lack one all together.



Hmm..... I never thought about it that way, but you make an excellent point. This just may be true, ya know. It may be how we were designed, and thats quite clever if so. I mean, wouldn't we go insane if we had a high libido and no one to share it with! Well, this is why people masterbate. Some people may even have a chronic problem with that, but for AS people, I think its usually the other way. A very low libido because of your lack of relationships.

I think I really have the ability to be an amazing lover to someone, physically but especially emotionally. I feel like oftem when I think of that someone special, I feel like I wish I could make out with him and than some (but not as much as mostly romantic things). Sometimes I certainly feel like a naughty girl, or that I could be someday. But physically, my body doesn't feel like anything. It might be a combination of not feeling attractive enough and being shy, and not having an active sex life. I just don't feel anything happening with that, but why is that a bad thing or so hard to believe? It's not like I won't be a wildcat someday, because I probably will. And maybe my libido will vastly increase at that time. Just because I have a low sex drive now, when I'm alone and always have been, it doesn't mean it will always be that way, right? I guess it totally goes hand in hand if you meet someone.

I would love to read more information, more studies about this. But I think there is probably a lack of it because its so abnormal for people to have a low sex drive. Heh, to some NTs we might be like a 'myth' they find hard to believe.

"I used to think I had a very low sex drive, until I got a steady girlfriend and the i became a sex god."


I have the exact opposite experience.

Before I had sex, I thought about it constantly, it tormented me. The first few times I had sex, it was wild. But over the last 5 years I've just lost interest. It's just not appealing anymore. The strange thing is, I still get aroused by certain things - seeing a sexy woman, hearing a woman say certain things, females with a personality or behaviour I find appealing, or just waking up in the morning - and I still enjoy that feeling of arousal. Sex itself is just another matter entirely, everything will be fine for a minute or two and then this little voice goes off in my brain, "Oh. This again. Ho hum. It was more exciting a minute or two ago."

Sort of like the thrill of the unknown - what your imagination can insert there - is the thing that arouses me, but once it's known and there's no more room for speculation, it loses its appeal.

I noticed the a-sexuality thing too.
A female friend of mine with pdd-nos has it.
Shes always talking about how hot this guy or chick is.
But when it comes to something naked or sex shes disgusted by it.
I soon figured out she was a-sexual.

Myself i have a huge sex drive.
I do it every day sometimes more than once.
However i have no interest in kissing.
I get no pleasure at all from it.
Girls always seem to want to kiss alot.
It's really more like a chore to me before the fun stuff happens.

I couldn't possibly imagine having no sexdrive.
It's like the most fun thing to do period.

I'm asexual and hetero-romantic. Don't have a desire for sex, but I have a strong desire for romance with the opposite sex (girls).

Flea,
Do I think I am I asexual? Just as much as I think I'm heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual. In short, I don't care. I don't feel as though I must label my sexual urges (or lack of them). And if others want to label me as something, then that's their business. Inevitably, people are going to be in a rush to 'evaluate' and 'judge' my sexuality (particularly if you met me), and I don't have time for these people or their categories.
As far as sex goes, I haven't done it. Yes that means I'm a 'virgin', but that's yet another label of theirs, not mine. And no, I don't feel bad about this. I've had ample opportunities to indulge in the art but as yet haven't taken those options. Both genders, in case you are curious.
But that's only so far. I decided that one day I'll get around to it. I don't imagine it'll ever be the same for me as it would someone who craves it, but maybe some combination of elements might please me enough to keep on doing it. One day, I swear... but I could be practicing the violin.
If I had complete choice in the matter I would be sexually aroused by either gender. Why? Well I've said it before; monogamy was essential in the days before contraception and disease management. It [monogamy] protected our 'property' (spouses and children) and in an age of low hygiene it kept us clean and still gave us access to sex. This is no longer the case. We have soap and latex now. Thus I believe that if people act like mature adults, responsible and honest (harder than it sounds) then sex could just be a mutually satisfying activity between two people. I would enjoy the capacity to provide this service to people, just as I often enjoy cooking for people, giving massages, gardening or many other things I enjoy doing for others. Emotions far removed from the equation.
Most people mention jealousy about now, but I think that is just a reaction to the imbued message we are given of monogamy. No monogamy, no betrayal. It's a rather liberating thought.
Now this is just the way I'd do things. I'm not saying that this is the best way for everyone. If sex is deeply emotional, special or even spiritual and you believe that this experience is lessened by sharing it, then don't. In my currently objective state, I endorse screwing around with anyone you feel comfortable with (or uncomfortable if that's your thing).
Who knows. Perhaps I'll have sex and scream to the sky "How could I be so foolish?" but until that happens, I am thus far undefined on the multisexual spectrum. I hope to stay there, and I'll just play it as it comes (no innuendo intended).

every time I've had sex has ended with me quitting in boredom, no joke. I haven't got any interest in looking for a gf, and the last girl that was interested in going for a drink with me(and actually asked) got a straight refusal.

That doesn't mean that I'm not looking for a partner, just means that I won't go out of my way. If it comes along then thats cool, if it doesn't then I'm not too bothered.

You do realise that most people would take that personally, right?

lol yeh, yet another reason to not go looking for a relationship, it's not really fair on the other person. I'm no good in faking my emotions, any future relationship would probably have to be with someone that either understood my opinion or shared it.

I can see why women would find you unattractive--you've been quite rude to the more "feminine" members here and boasting about how great it is to be a macho man.

Attraction is often in a large way based on people's perceptions of your personality. It's not entirely based on looks.

I think so too. I am also asexual.

How could asexuality correlate with other sexual preferences, anyway? That doesn't make sense. Either you're asexual or you're of another sexual preference; one can't have it both ways.

I am an asexual. I am still attracted to women and want a girlfriend, I am just not interested in sex at all. I'm kind of repulsed by it. I would much rather develop an emotional/spiritual connection with somebody than have sex.

Something that a aspie wrote that I really connected with, was this :

Autistic people have to understand scientifically what non-autistic people already understand instinctively




Maybe our instincts have been overwritten by our overwelming need to intellectualise everything. Sexual instincts included.
It's not that we're not interested, just our minds have a much better grip on us than our bodies.

I do not understand how a sexual person can truly understand non-sexual person. It's a MAJOR part of sexual people's lives. In truth some people's entire lives revolve around sex. I'll note the cliche, Hellen of Troy. It's not an entirely accurate metaphore but, meh.

Just like a hetrosexual fully understanding homosexual, but more so. You see the object of lust is just changed. What the person finds sexually attractive is just different from what is expected. But these two people still have sexual attraction and lust. Someone who identifies themselves as asexual, or someone who is technically asexual don't.

It's a complicated and elusive issue that is relativly new. Some think it's an emotional malfunction, some that it's like any other sexuality, others that one can be a hetro-homo-bi-sexual asexual. The key is "-sexual'. If anyone thinks that they fully understand it, write a hypothesis and submit and patent it, because if you are right you just scored yourself a Nobel prize.