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How to improve your chances with women.

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Kilroy
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25 Nov 2010, 11:03 pm

god you people still don't get what I mean by friend zone, even though i explained it 3 times :roll:



hale_bopp
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25 Nov 2010, 11:17 pm

imo a "friend zone" is a guy who she will never be with and she knows it, but still likes to offload her problems onto him and use him for means of self esteem bla bla

Just being friends with someone isn't the same.

Am I correct or no?

"friend zone" and real friend are different, just like "Nice guy" and a guy who is nice/decent aren't the same thing.

"friend zone" and "nice guy" don't simply mean what they say. They have their own meaning and thats why they are in inverted commas.



Last edited by hale_bopp on 25 Nov 2010, 11:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.

amazon_television
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25 Nov 2010, 11:18 pm

Kilroy wrote:
Harpist wrote:
nilescrane wrote:
7.)If a woman that you aren't dating or sleeping with is telling you about her problems, it means that you're essentially in the friend zone. She views you as understanding like one of her female friends. If you sense she's just using you for a shoulder to cry on, a cab, etc., just cut her off. No explanation necessary. If it's a true friend but you find her bringing her problems to you, tell her simply "Maybe you should be talking to one of your girl friends about this." She will respect you and treat you like a potential dating interest.


The other points all make sense, but this one I don't understand at all. If she trusts me enough to tell me about her problems, then surely that's a good thing? Why would it mean I'm in the friend zone?

And why should I turn away a true friend that comes to me for emotional support? I wouldn't see that as respect worthy, I'd see that as thouroughly immature and unfriendly. Why would anyone want to go out with a partner who isn't willing or able to provide emotional support when it is needed?

I don't understand this!


because you're not her friend you're a sponge, GET OUT OF THERE!! !
if you are in the friend zone, you will NEVER EVER date her, trust me


I remember in high school I was friends with this girl that was awesome in every way (blazing hot, wicked smart, good athlete, common interests etc) and I was way into her in a sense, but thought I was in the friend zone cause when I met her I had a girlfriend and she had a dude, we connected hardcore but it seemed that simple. We hung out on weekends and outsied of that she used to hit me up at super late hours a couple times a week to talk about whatever random s**t, sometimes her boyfriend but all kinds of things and at that age (16-17) I was fine with it just like that.

I never thought anything more of it and after a while (after I broke up with my girlfriend) I randomly asked her about putting a good word in for me with a friend of hers who I had my eye on, and she pretty much completely stopped talking to me for good at that moment. I was super confused and it took me years to realize that there was something more to all the stuff we'd talked about and that I was the one who had screwed up for not understanding where she stood. I was fully OK in the "friend zone" and because of it I lost her on all levels. So much for that.


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25 Nov 2010, 11:24 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
calm down there, cowboy. :P

i get what you're saying about friendzone, but i don't get why anyone would want to be in a relationship with a manipulative woman as described, nor why any man would be manipulative as to pretend to care about a woman's problems just to try to sleep with her. both of those types sound like lost causes, and do not need a helping hand or advice.

the rest of the world is populated by people with more integrity.


you try being the one nobody likes, and you'll come to understand that position very quickly...



hale_bopp
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25 Nov 2010, 11:27 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
calm down there, cowboy. :P

i get what you're saying about friendzone, but i don't get why anyone would want to be in a relationship with a manipulative woman as described, nor why any man would be manipulative as to pretend to care about a woman's problems just to try to sleep with her. both of those types sound like lost causes, and do not need a helping hand or advice.

the rest of the world is populated by people with more integrity.


you try being the one nobody likes, and you'll come to understand that position very quickly...


Most of us have been the one nobody likes many times, even if not on romantic terms. I think Toad I know it must be hard for you, but you must play the cards you are dealt the best you can.

If you assume that you won't get a girl for a while, instead of wasting that time being sad about it, you could focus on getting yourself healthy and get into a good job you like?



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25 Nov 2010, 11:29 pm

amazon_television wrote:
Kilroy wrote:
Harpist wrote:
nilescrane wrote:
7.)If a woman that you aren't dating or sleeping with is telling you about her problems, it means that you're essentially in the friend zone. She views you as understanding like one of her female friends. If you sense she's just using you for a shoulder to cry on, a cab, etc., just cut her off. No explanation necessary. If it's a true friend but you find her bringing her problems to you, tell her simply "Maybe you should be talking to one of your girl friends about this." She will respect you and treat you like a potential dating interest.


The other points all make sense, but this one I don't understand at all. If she trusts me enough to tell me about her problems, then surely that's a good thing? Why would it mean I'm in the friend zone?

And why should I turn away a true friend that comes to me for emotional support? I wouldn't see that as respect worthy, I'd see that as thouroughly immature and unfriendly. Why would anyone want to go out with a partner who isn't willing or able to provide emotional support when it is needed?

I don't understand this!


because you're not her friend you're a sponge, GET OUT OF THERE!! !
if you are in the friend zone, you will NEVER EVER date her, trust me


I remember in high school I was friends with this girl that was awesome in every way (blazing hot, wicked smart, good athlete, common interests etc) and I was way into her in a sense, but thought I was in the friend zone cause when I met her I had a girlfriend and she had a dude, we connected hardcore but it seemed that simple. We hung out on weekends and outsied of that she used to hit me up at super late hours a couple times a week to talk about whatever random sh**, sometimes her boyfriend but all kinds of things and at that age (16-17) I was fine with it just like that.

I never thought anything more of it and after a while (after I broke up with my girlfriend) I randomly asked her about putting a good word in for me with a friend of hers who I had my eye on, and she pretty much completely stopped talking to me for good at that moment. I was super confused and it took me years to realize that there was something more to all the stuff we'd talked about and that I was the one who had screwed up for not understanding where she stood. I was fully OK in the "friend zone" and because of it I lost her on all levels. So much for that.


Now I share Kilroy's frustration.



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25 Nov 2010, 11:30 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
calm down there, cowboy. :P

i get what you're saying about friendzone, but i don't get why anyone would want to be in a relationship with a manipulative woman as described, nor why any man would be manipulative as to pretend to care about a woman's problems just to try to sleep with her. both of those types sound like lost causes, and do not need a helping hand or advice.

the rest of the world is populated by people with more integrity.


you try being the one nobody likes, and you'll come to understand that position very quickly...

you think you're so god damn special because you feel like an outcast, jesus christ there are people here with FAR worse lives then you and they managed to be quite happy
and you, you drag along complaining to anyone who will listen
most of us have a real good idea what its like to be an outcast, to be hurt and a lot worse
don't pretend for a damn second you think you're so special
I've seen a lot of your posts to know why you're always "so sad"
and its not that bad, trust me, I've seen bad, and you don't even come close



techstepgenr8tion
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25 Nov 2010, 11:31 pm

amazon_television wrote:
I never thought anything more of it and after a while (after I broke up with my girlfriend) I randomly asked her about putting a good word in for me with a friend of hers who I had my eye on, and she pretty much completely stopped talking to me for good at that moment. I was super confused and it took me years to realize that there was something more to all the stuff we'd talked about and that I was the one who had screwed up for not understanding where she stood. I was fully OK in the "friend zone" and because of it I lost her on all levels. So much for that.

While opposite sex friendships aren't always a case of one likes the other doesn't, they seem strained when one ends up in a relationship with someone who isn't already a mutual friend and typically they will have valid concerns.

I think I've always had a bit of communication difficulty in that area, not so much that I couldn't tel that people were interested, just that my way of showing it would completely pass her, her way of showing it would pass me or I'd see it but wouldn't be able to patch it back in a way that she'd understand. It seems like our expression of such things is extremely regimented and finite, almost like there's only one straight and narrow and no other valid way (its probably not really that bad but, often times from an outlying perspective it looks quite distant).



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25 Nov 2010, 11:31 pm

Tim_Tex wrote:
My two cents:

1. While being depressed all the time probably isn't very attractive, depression is going to happen at some point. If it isn't about lack of a relationship, it's going to be about something else. Nobody is happy 100% of the time, and nobody is 100% emotionally self-sufficient. For all we know, someone could have PTSD, or some other situation that affects one's personality.

2. Not all women are attracted to the same type of guy, which is what I think is being implied here. Also, physical appearance can be affected by medical problems, which can be at no fault of the person wanting a relationship. So we can't assume it's because the person neglects hygiene or physical fitness.

3. Men are perfectly allowed to have standards, just as much as women are. And the things that are stated that would be unattractive in a man (depression, having "nothing to offer", etc.), wouldn't they be just as unattractive if a woman had those?


Not all women are attracted to the same type of guy, but there are certain things that turn on/turn off most women. What I'm also saying is that if you aren't physically attractive, you shouldn't have picky looks standards. People of similar attractiveness date one another. Also, fickle standards like "Must watch South Park" or "Must be a christian that is into kink" is not only asking too much, but not what a relationship is about in the first place.



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25 Nov 2010, 11:33 pm

nilescrane wrote:
Tim_Tex wrote:
My two cents:

1. While being depressed all the time probably isn't very attractive, depression is going to happen at some point. If it isn't about lack of a relationship, it's going to be about something else. Nobody is happy 100% of the time, and nobody is 100% emotionally self-sufficient. For all we know, someone could have PTSD, or some other situation that affects one's personality.

2. Not all women are attracted to the same type of guy, which is what I think is being implied here. Also, physical appearance can be affected by medical problems, which can be at no fault of the person wanting a relationship. So we can't assume it's because the person neglects hygiene or physical fitness.

3. Men are perfectly allowed to have standards, just as much as women are. And the things that are stated that would be unattractive in a man (depression, having "nothing to offer", etc.), wouldn't they be just as unattractive if a woman had those?


Not all women are attracted to the same type of guy, but there are certain things that turn on/turn off most women. What I'm also saying is that if you aren't physically attractive, you shouldn't have picky looks standards. People of similar attractiveness date one another. Also, fickle standards like "Must watch South Park" or "Must be a christian that is into kink" is not only asking too much, but not what a relationship is about in the first place.


Tim Tex dropped the south park criteria when I told him just to say that he wants someone sexually open.



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25 Nov 2010, 11:33 pm

nilescrane wrote:
What I'm also saying is that if you aren't physically attractive, you shouldn't have picky looks standards. People of similar attractiveness date one another. Also, fickle standards like "Must watch South Park" or "Must be a christian that is into kink" is not only asking too much, but not what a relationship is about in the first place.


That's why I'm throwing away standards faster than I can develop them, leaving me with the only requirement of "must like me back". I don't think that one is too unreasonable, is it?



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25 Nov 2010, 11:36 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:
nilescrane wrote:
What I'm also saying is that if you aren't physically attractive, you shouldn't have picky looks standards. People of similar attractiveness date one another. Also, fickle standards like "Must watch South Park" or "Must be a christian that is into kink" is not only asking too much, but not what a relationship is about in the first place.


That's why I'm throwing away standards faster than I can develop them, leaving me with the only requirement of "must like me back". I don't think that one is too unreasonable, is it?


And "must be female?"?



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25 Nov 2010, 11:40 pm

nilescrane wrote:
Tim_Tex wrote:
My two cents:

1. While being depressed all the time probably isn't very attractive, depression is going to happen at some point. If it isn't about lack of a relationship, it's going to be about something else. Nobody is happy 100% of the time, and nobody is 100% emotionally self-sufficient. For all we know, someone could have PTSD, or some other situation that affects one's personality.

2. Not all women are attracted to the same type of guy, which is what I think is being implied here. Also, physical appearance can be affected by medical problems, which can be at no fault of the person wanting a relationship. So we can't assume it's because the person neglects hygiene or physical fitness.

3. Men are perfectly allowed to have standards, just as much as women are. And the things that are stated that would be unattractive in a man (depression, having "nothing to offer", etc.), wouldn't they be just as unattractive if a woman had those?


Not all women are attracted to the same type of guy, but there are certain things that turn on/turn off most women. What I'm also saying is that if you aren't physically attractive, you shouldn't have picky looks standards. People of similar attractiveness date one another. Also, fickle standards like "Must watch South Park" or "Must be a christian that is into kink" is not only asking too much, but not what a relationship is about in the first place.


Just saying there is no generally accepted definition of "physically attractive", because while some women are attracted to male models, some are attracted to overweight people, and the woman in question may not necessarily have the same physical characteristics as the guy. And just because a guy appears to have "nothing to offer", maybe it could be that they have plenty to offer, but just don't know or realize what those things are.


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25 Nov 2010, 11:41 pm

techstepgenr8tion wrote:
amazon_television wrote:
I never thought anything more of it and after a while (after I broke up with my girlfriend) I randomly asked her about putting a good word in for me with a friend of hers who I had my eye on, and she pretty much completely stopped talking to me for good at that moment. I was super confused and it took me years to realize that there was something more to all the stuff we'd talked about and that I was the one who had screwed up for not understanding where she stood. I was fully OK in the "friend zone" and because of it I lost her on all levels. So much for that.

While opposite sex friendships aren't always a case of one likes the other doesn't, they seem strained when one ends up in a relationship with someone who isn't already a mutual friend and typically they will have valid concerns.

I think I've always had a bit of communication difficulty in that area, not so much that I couldn't tel that people were interested, just that my way of showing it would completely pass her, her way of showing it would pass me or I'd see it but wouldn't be able to patch it back in a way that she'd understand. It seems like our expression of such things is extremely regimented and finite, almost like there's only one straight and narrow and no other valid way (its probably not really that bad but, often times from an outlying perspective it looks quite distant).


techstep I dig it when you chime in on these matters. Makes perfect sense. Thanks bro.


Quote:
Now I share Kilroy's frustration.


I don't get it. Kilroy's perspective on the "friend zone" is not the be all end all but still, please explain.


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25 Nov 2010, 11:42 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
ToadOfSteel wrote:
nilescrane wrote:
What I'm also saying is that if you aren't physically attractive, you shouldn't have picky looks standards. People of similar attractiveness date one another. Also, fickle standards like "Must watch South Park" or "Must be a christian that is into kink" is not only asking too much, but not what a relationship is about in the first place.


That's why I'm throwing away standards faster than I can develop them, leaving me with the only requirement of "must like me back". I don't think that one is too unreasonable, is it?


And "must be female?"?


hmm.. yeah I forgot that one. But still, not too unreasonable, right?



Kilroy
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25 Nov 2010, 11:42 pm

I didn't make this friendzone stuff up, jeez, its common knowledge
google it or something