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Aspie men: How do you win an NT girl?

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CrinklyCrustacean
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26 Nov 2010, 3:37 am

hale_bopp wrote:
You aren't asking "Whats wrong with me" you are saying "whats wrong with her?" you should be looking at the former question instead of blaming others.


"What's wrong with her?" might be a valid question, though. Sometimes people are compatible, but one of them is so messed up inside they unconsciously sabotage the relationship. Or their standards are indeed to high (they'll only date a movie star but they have no chance of meeting one in person). There could be many other explanations too. I'm not saying he doesn't have anything to work on himself, but it isn't always the man's fault.



hale_bopp
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26 Nov 2010, 4:10 am

CrinklyCrustacean wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
You aren't asking "Whats wrong with me" you are saying "whats wrong with her?" you should be looking at the former question instead of blaming others.


"What's wrong with her?" might be a valid question, though. Sometimes people are compatible, but one of them is so messed up inside they unconsciously sabotage the relationship. Or their standards are indeed to high (they'll only date a movie star but they have no chance of meeting one in person). There could be many other explanations too. I'm not saying he doesn't have anything to work on himself, but it isn't always the man's fault.


He doesn't even know her? It doesn't matter whether people are compatible, it comes down to whether they a) want a relationship and b) want to try one with someone they hardly or don't know. I've turned down guys I might be compatible with because I don't want a relationship, and have a busy life, and I can't be bothered getting to know a stranger for the possible chance that we may be compatible.

if in the case that its her with the problem here (which I doubt) then he should forget about it and move on and ask someone else.



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26 Nov 2010, 8:46 am

Adam82 wrote:
nick007 wrote:
I'm often told by women that I'm a great guy but they don't like me in that way. Older women have told me that they wished their daughters or granddaughters would be interested in me but no women will give me a chance because they are not attracted to me. I'm sick of women coming to me to complain about the a-holes they are with & other problems & those women never want to hear about my problems. Those women keep insisting that they don't like me but when I make a comment about liking a certain girl or something those women get all upset over it. It's extremely frustrating for me watching women I care about going out with jerks when I know that those guys do not give a rats-azz about em & that those women will never be interested in me. Apparently I am a horrible monster because women would rather be with abusers than me. No matter how much I care & try; women are never willing to give me a chance. It f#cking sux :oops: I don't hit women & I cant even hit a guy to defend myself but it seems guys who slap women have no problems getting em. I don't get it :?
I'm sorry you think that way about me Kaybee but women are NOT attracted to me when I am nice; I'm tired of always getting used & being alone


You remind me of myself Nick. I get told by mums that I'm 'such a nice gentleman', etc. And yet their daughters won't touch me with a ten inch barge pole. Maybe I was born in the wrong era :( Women my own age won't come near me. I also am the gentlest guy you could ever meet, and would never harm or hit anyone. Yet violent sports jock douches get all the women. Go figure.

Caring about someone while she's off with some other guy does hurt. You're right.


In this much at least there is truth, that violent sports jock douches get more of the action with women - alpha males. In this, much of the love-shy community is right. It's not that we're too nice to find a partner though, I don't believe that. It's not about niceness. It's more that we miss out through not being alphas, exacerbated through hurtful experiences which we have heard about (and which honestly need more encouragement and less criticism in response).

I find this to be the pattern among all the Aspies and autistics I know. I was thinking of how many have partners, or are in relationships most of the time. And it's clear that almost all of the ones who do have a bit more of alpha characteristics about them, a bit more of the "bad boy" about them, are more rebellious. It's also true that the less like an alpha they are, the less time they have had in relationships, or sometimes none at all. The alpha/beta/omega male thing transcends Asperger's, and the lack of relationships really isn't an Asperger problem. It's a problem of being unfortunate enough not to be an alpha male. One guy is notorious for being a bad boy, and he's married, and those Aspies with bad boy characteristics generally have girls and the rest don't.



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26 Nov 2010, 9:09 am

Keeno wrote:
Adam82 wrote:
nick007 wrote:
I'm often told by women that I'm a great guy but they don't like me in that way. Older women have told me that they wished their daughters or granddaughters would be interested in me but no women will give me a chance because they are not attracted to me. I'm sick of women coming to me to complain about the a-holes they are with & other problems & those women never want to hear about my problems. Those women keep insisting that they don't like me but when I make a comment about liking a certain girl or something those women get all upset over it. It's extremely frustrating for me watching women I care about going out with jerks when I know that those guys do not give a rats-azz about em & that those women will never be interested in me. Apparently I am a horrible monster because women would rather be with abusers than me. No matter how much I care & try; women are never willing to give me a chance. It f#cking sux :oops: I don't hit women & I cant even hit a guy to defend myself but it seems guys who slap women have no problems getting em. I don't get it :?
I'm sorry you think that way about me Kaybee but women are NOT attracted to me when I am nice; I'm tired of always getting used & being alone


You remind me of myself Nick. I get told by mums that I'm 'such a nice gentleman', etc. And yet their daughters won't touch me with a ten inch barge pole. Maybe I was born in the wrong era :( Women my own age won't come near me. I also am the gentlest guy you could ever meet, and would never harm or hit anyone. Yet violent sports jock douches get all the women. Go figure.

Caring about someone while she's off with some other guy does hurt. You're right.


In this much at least there is truth, that violent sports jock douches get more of the action with women - alpha males. In this, much of the love-shy community is right. It's not that we're too nice to find a partner though, I don't believe that. It's not about niceness. It's more that we miss out through not being alphas, exacerbated through hurtful experiences which we have heard about (and which honestly need more encouragement and less criticism in response).

I find this to be the pattern among all the Aspies and autistics I know. I was thinking of how many have partners, or are in relationships most of the time. And it's clear that almost all of the ones who do have a bit more of alpha characteristics about them, a bit more of the "bad boy" about them, are more rebellious. It's also true that the less like an alpha they are, the less time they have had in relationships, or sometimes none at all. The alpha/beta/omega male thing transcends Asperger's, and the lack of relationships really isn't an Asperger problem. It's a problem of being unfortunate enough not to be an alpha male. One guy is notorious for being a bad boy, and he's married, and those Aspies with bad boy characteristics generally have girls and the rest don't.


The solution is not to give 100% of yourself. Give 70% and highlight the 30% remaining as they were unreachable solid gold, or reachable under one condition. It works surprisingly well


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nilescrane
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26 Nov 2010, 9:31 am

SuperApsie wrote:
Keeno wrote:
Adam82 wrote:
nick007 wrote:
I'm often told by women that I'm a great guy but they don't like me in that way. Older women have told me that they wished their daughters or granddaughters would be interested in me but no women will give me a chance because they are not attracted to me. I'm sick of women coming to me to complain about the a-holes they are with & other problems & those women never want to hear about my problems. Those women keep insisting that they don't like me but when I make a comment about liking a certain girl or something those women get all upset over it. It's extremely frustrating for me watching women I care about going out with jerks when I know that those guys do not give a rats-azz about em & that those women will never be interested in me. Apparently I am a horrible monster because women would rather be with abusers than me. No matter how much I care & try; women are never willing to give me a chance. It f#cking sux :oops: I don't hit women & I cant even hit a guy to defend myself but it seems guys who slap women have no problems getting em. I don't get it :?
I'm sorry you think that way about me Kaybee but women are NOT attracted to me when I am nice; I'm tired of always getting used & being alone


You remind me of myself Nick. I get told by mums that I'm 'such a nice gentleman', etc. And yet their daughters won't touch me with a ten inch barge pole. Maybe I was born in the wrong era :( Women my own age won't come near me. I also am the gentlest guy you could ever meet, and would never harm or hit anyone. Yet violent sports jock douches get all the women. Go figure.

Caring about someone while she's off with some other guy does hurt. You're right.


In this much at least there is truth, that violent sports jock douches get more of the action with women - alpha males. In this, much of the love-shy community is right. It's not that we're too nice to find a partner though, I don't believe that. It's not about niceness. It's more that we miss out through not being alphas, exacerbated through hurtful experiences which we have heard about (and which honestly need more encouragement and less criticism in response).

I find this to be the pattern among all the Aspies and autistics I know. I was thinking of how many have partners, or are in relationships most of the time. And it's clear that almost all of the ones who do have a bit more of alpha characteristics about them, a bit more of the "bad boy" about them, are more rebellious. It's also true that the less like an alpha they are, the less time they have had in relationships, or sometimes none at all. The alpha/beta/omega male thing transcends Asperger's, and the lack of relationships really isn't an Asperger problem. It's a problem of being unfortunate enough not to be an alpha male. One guy is notorious for being a bad boy, and he's married, and those Aspies with bad boy characteristics generally have girls and the rest don't.


The solution is not to give 100% of yourself. Give 70% and highlight the 30% remaining as they were unreachable solid gold, or reachable under one condition. It works surprisingly well


Really good advice. And what you're suggesting isn't to be dishonest, but to have secrets, not tell a girl your every waking thought about life as if she were a therapist or close family member. I get the impression a lot of introverted or Aspie guys talk to a woman about their feelings on life and never give any mystery as to who they are and never show any signs of sexuality either. If you treat the girl like a wuss, she's going to treat you like a wuss in return. Who is she to know that you're just bad with women and trying to win her heart by being extra nice?



sweetchestnut
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26 Nov 2010, 9:50 am

Adam82 wrote:
nick007 wrote:
I'm often told by women that I'm a great guy but they don't like me in that way. Older women have told me that they wished their daughters or granddaughters would be interested in me but no women will give me a chance because they are not attracted to me. I'm sick of women coming to me to complain about the a-holes they are with & other problems & those women never want to hear about my problems. Those women keep insisting that they don't like me but when I make a comment about liking a certain girl or something those women get all upset over it. It's extremely frustrating for me watching women I care about going out with jerks when I know that those guys do not give a rats-azz about em & that those women will never be interested in me. Apparently I am a horrible monster because women would rather be with abusers than me. No matter how much I care & try; women are never willing to give me a chance. It f#cking sux :oops: I don't hit women & I cant even hit a guy to defend myself but it seems guys who slap women have no problems getting em. I don't get it :?
I'm sorry you think that way about me Kaybee but women are NOT attracted to me when I am nice; I'm tired of always getting used & being alone


You remind me of myself Nick. I get told by mums that I'm 'such a nice gentleman', etc. And yet their daughters won't touch me with a ten inch barge pole. Maybe I was born in the wrong era :( Women my own age won't come near me. I also am the gentlest guy you could ever meet, and would never harm or hit anyone. Yet violent sports jock douches get all the women. Go figure.

Caring about someone while she's off with some other guy does hurt. You're right.



I am sorry that you have both made these experiences. But here's an NT woman who is different from the women you have met. That means, that there are more women out there who are different than the women you have met so far! I am so in love with my friend who says he wants to be friends (although he's asked me out, I don't get that part...). Anyways. So this also happens vice versa. And here I am waiting and hoping and trying to see if, maybe, things will change with time and trust and building up on the friendship. You guys, don't give up. I'll try not to either.



Craig28
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26 Nov 2010, 12:03 pm

emlion wrote:
Craig28 wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
Craig28 wrote:
Smike wrote:
Some people have higher standards


Some like the hairdresser that rejected me have unrealistic standards.


Then maybe you have a warped opinion of yourself then?


Yeah, a lower one. One that deems myself not worthy of companionship.


You obviously think you are worthy of relationships because you asked someone out.


Its human instinct to have partners and Aspies often mimic NT behaviour and attitudes anyway.



Craig28
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26 Nov 2010, 12:09 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
Craig28 wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
Craig28 wrote:
Smike wrote:
Some people have higher standards


Some like the hairdresser that rejected me have unrealistic standards.


Then maybe you have a warped opinion of yourself then?


Yeah, a lower one. One that deems myself not worthy of companionship.


So you think the hairdresser should have dated you? Why? I'm interested to know. What do you have to offer a "hot" NT who probably gets approached a lot? You never answered my question asking if you were hot. It seems like you've got a sense of entitlement more than anything.

You aren't asking "Whats wrong with me" you are saying "whats wrong with her?" you should be looking at the former question instead of blaming others.


And you wonder why I don't answer you. I don't want to be trolled by you anymore.



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26 Nov 2010, 12:21 pm

nilescrane wrote:
SuperApsie wrote:
The solution is not to give 100% of yourself. Give 70% and highlight the 30% remaining as they were unreachable solid gold, or reachable under one condition. It works surprisingly well


Really good advice. And what you're suggesting isn't to be dishonest, but to have secrets, not tell a girl your every waking thought about life as if she were a therapist or close family member. I get the impression a lot of introverted or Aspie guys talk to a woman about their feelings on life and never give any mystery as to who they are and never show any signs of sexuality either. If you treat the girl like a wuss, she's going to treat you like a wuss in return. Who is she to know that you're just bad with women and trying to win her heart by being extra nice?


It is NOT about keeping secrets, well at least I was not thinking of that, yes you have to be a little intriguing. It is about: not being a super-nice person, just nice AND advertising about your supernice side.

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp3135394.html#3135394

And again: check the tips or buy the books about the pickup artists, there are a lot of things that are not obvious and you must be aware of.


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hale_bopp
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26 Nov 2010, 12:57 pm

Craig28 wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
Craig28 wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
Craig28 wrote:
Smike wrote:
Some people have higher standards


Some like the hairdresser that rejected me have unrealistic standards.


Then maybe you have a warped opinion of yourself then?


Yeah, a lower one. One that deems myself not worthy of companionship.


So you think the hairdresser should have dated you? Why? I'm interested to know. What do you have to offer a "hot" NT who probably gets approached a lot? You never answered my question asking if you were hot. It seems like you've got a sense of entitlement more than anything.

You aren't asking "Whats wrong with me" you are saying "whats wrong with her?" you should be looking at the former question instead of blaming others.


And you wonder why I don't answer you. I don't want to be trolled by you anymore.


You just won't answer the realistic questions that actually address where your problem lies, and label it as trolling. I wish there was an ignore button so I could ignore your bait posts.



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26 Nov 2010, 3:36 pm

Adam82 wrote:
nick007 wrote:
I'm often told by women that I'm a great guy but they don't like me in that way. Older women have told me that they wished their daughters or granddaughters would be interested in me but no women will give me a chance because they are not attracted to me. I'm sick of women coming to me to complain about the a-holes they are with & other problems & those women never want to hear about my problems. Those women keep insisting that they don't like me but when I make a comment about liking a certain girl or something those women get all upset over it. It's extremely frustrating for me watching women I care about going out with jerks when I know that those guys do not give a rats-azz about em & that those women will never be interested in me. Apparently I am a horrible monster because women would rather be with abusers than me. No matter how much I care & try; women are never willing to give me a chance. It f#cking sux :oops: I don't hit women & I cant even hit a guy to defend myself but it seems guys who slap women have no problems getting em. I don't get it :?
I'm sorry you think that way about me Kaybee but women are NOT attracted to me when I am nice; I'm tired of always getting used & being alone


You remind me of myself Nick. I get told by mums that I'm 'such a nice gentleman', etc. And yet their daughters won't touch me with a ten inch barge pole. Maybe I was born in the wrong era :( Women my own age won't come near me. I also am the gentlest guy you could ever meet, and would never harm or hit anyone. Yet violent sports jock douches get all the women. Go figure.

Caring about someone while she's off with some other guy does hurt. You're right.



So why should you care about her? Start asking yourself, "what's in it for me?"

Simple fact women like to be treated like crap and bossed around.

They only want "nice" men when they start getting old and nobody wants them anymore. Simple human biology at work.



Last edited by RICKY5 on 26 Nov 2010, 5:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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26 Nov 2010, 3:44 pm

Craig28 wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
Craig28 wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
Craig28 wrote:
Smike wrote:
Some people have higher standards


Some like the hairdresser that rejected me have unrealistic standards.


Then maybe you have a warped opinion of yourself then?


Yeah, a lower one. One that deems myself not worthy of companionship.


So you think the hairdresser should have dated you? Why? I'm interested to know. What do you have to offer a "hot" NT who probably gets approached a lot? You never answered my question asking if you were hot. It seems like you've got a sense of entitlement more than anything.

You aren't asking "Whats wrong with me" you are saying "whats wrong with her?" you should be looking at the former question instead of blaming others.


And you wonder why I don't answer you. I don't want to be trolled by you anymore.

That was not trolling. That was a post you need to read and read again until it sinks in.

Your approach to dating and relationships is seriously flawed.



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26 Nov 2010, 3:47 pm

Dilbert, you have a very valid point, but Craig28 is a known troll, so I wouldn't waste my time on him.



Craig28
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26 Nov 2010, 6:15 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
Craig28 wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
Craig28 wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
Craig28 wrote:
Smike wrote:
Some people have higher standards


Some like the hairdresser that rejected me have unrealistic standards.


Then maybe you have a warped opinion of yourself then?


Yeah, a lower one. One that deems myself not worthy of companionship.


So you think the hairdresser should have dated you? Why? I'm interested to know. What do you have to offer a "hot" NT who probably gets approached a lot? You never answered my question asking if you were hot. It seems like you've got a sense of entitlement more than anything.

You aren't asking "Whats wrong with me" you are saying "whats wrong with her?" you should be looking at the former question instead of blaming others.


And you wonder why I don't answer you. I don't want to be trolled by you anymore.


You just won't answer the realistic questions that actually address where your problem lies, and label it as trolling. I wish there was an ignore button so I could ignore your bait posts.


I don't bait, I just tell the truth about my situation. You don't like it, tough, I am the one living this life and it ain't a happy one believe me. You should be happy that I am a subdued Aspie male instead of a lying, egocentric ass.



Craig28
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26 Nov 2010, 6:17 pm

Asp-Z wrote:
Dilbert, you have a very valid point, but Craig28 is a known troll, so I wouldn't waste my time on him.


Think what you want, we all seen your vitriol posts against me over the last 2 weeks.

Great place to kill my self esteem. Trolls go away.



hale_bopp
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26 Nov 2010, 6:18 pm

Craig28 wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
Craig28 wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
Craig28 wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
Craig28 wrote:
Smike wrote:
Some people have higher standards


Some like the hairdresser that rejected me have unrealistic standards.


Then maybe you have a warped opinion of yourself then?


Yeah, a lower one. One that deems myself not worthy of companionship.


So you think the hairdresser should have dated you? Why? I'm interested to know. What do you have to offer a "hot" NT who probably gets approached a lot? You never answered my question asking if you were hot. It seems like you've got a sense of entitlement more than anything.

You aren't asking "Whats wrong with me" you are saying "whats wrong with her?" you should be looking at the former question instead of blaming others.


And you wonder why I don't answer you. I don't want to be trolled by you anymore.


You just won't answer the realistic questions that actually address where your problem lies, and label it as trolling. I wish there was an ignore button so I could ignore your bait posts.


I don't bait, I just tell the truth about my situation. You don't like it, tough, I am the one living this life and it ain't a happy one believe me. You should be happy that I am a subdued Aspie male instead of a lying, egocentric ass.


tbh you seem like an ass to me. Entitled asses are worse than douchy morons. I've been at the receiving end of when an aspie guy isn't happy that I don't want to date him.. it's not pretty. I don't have sympathy for butthurt guys who try to blame the other person.