A Partner Who Will Challenge Me

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Really?

I didn't interpret it like that.

I think I kind of get what you meant, but in those situations:

Saying something witty = Good.

Saying something witty with sexual overtones = Bad. Really bad.

Like I said, I feel uncomfortable when people try to flirt with me.

I try be funny.

See this is how I interpreted it:

She said, "That's a nice motorcycle, I'd like to get on the back of that,"

Me, "There are other motorcycles beside me, can't you hop on the back of those,"

This is what I equal that dialogue= What's so special about my motorcycle? Why do you want to hop on my motorcycle? Also, its funny cause there are other motorcycles beside me

Unless she was talking about something else?

To me, that just seems like you're rejecting her flirtations. I guess she could interpret it the way you intend it, but it is not obvious that you expect her to ouright say, 'I want to get on your bike because you're on it, and I fancy you.' You have to remember that NTs do everything in a non overt way. She assumes you know what she means and are being a jerk, not that you are doing something abnormal.

Which, if that's what you want, then it's quite fine.

Last edited by Moog on 13 Jan 2011, 1:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I don't get it.

I thought it was funny.

Maybe because I took it so literal. Cause there were other motorcycles beside me. So I thought it be funny in the situation.

It's all part of the fabric of the difficulty of communication between human beings, but especially between NT and AS humans.

All right, well next time I know don't state the obvious around you because it doesn't matter in the dialogue....it doesn't equal cute or funny. It equals rejection.

This thread is definitely an interesting read, and I just went back to the beginning ...

The problem there, however, is in either party or both knowing just when to actually do that and how far to take/push it. So, we need to look for some relatively-equal intellect without demanding an actual "intellectual equal", as such, and I suspect that quest does not well-fit the beginning of any relationship.

I want a Doctor Who female form or maybe even a Sherlock Holmes female.

Idk.

lol.

I find the brain attractive and have always admired characters like that. Maybe because I feel....more connected.

At some point I lose my partner socially.

And maybe a female challenges me socially. I don't just mean intellectually.

I know I'm making a mess of my explanation.

To respond to the original post:
I personally don't care if I come off as elitist when trying to form a PERSONAL relationship. I've had too much of "dumbing it down" when I'm at work. It sounds to me like what you want is someone who shares your INTERESTS, and can engage in an actual conversation with you. There's nothing wrong with that.
Now, if you're being confrontational right off the bat with someone, they are probably going to see it as a rejection.
And the kind of girl who is into guys who "act like a dick", is someone who's probably not going to be the kind of girl you're looking for.
There's nothing wrong with holding out for someone you actually LIKE. Just try to keep restrained on the "banter" during the early stages of getting to know someone, until they begin to understand your sense of humor. It's easy for us Aspies to hurt people's feelings without meaning to.

I can understand this.

I don't try to hurt people's feelings....it....just.

I hadn't consider that's how people would interpret it. I'm going to have to think on what I think funny is.....

Maybe you have the problem I call "fiction poisoning". I have had this problem. I have spent so long immersed in fiction that sometimes I catch myself thinking that real life will conform to fictional conventions. I expect certain terrible things to happen in my life because those terrible things would be the sort of ironic or "gotcha" ending that dramatic writers like to use. I have to catch myself and remind myself that just because something would make a very ironic ending that a writer would love, doesn't make it any more liking to happen in reality. Reality doesn't conform to a story arc. When I catch myself doing this, I call it "fiction poisoning".

In your case, it looks like the "fiction poisoning" comes from expecting the conventions of movie conversation between the male and female lead to play out in real life. In movies, it is quite a cliche for the male and female lead to snark and snipe at each other in the beginning scenes. Their nearly hostile banter is how the audience knows they will eventually wind up as a couple. But in real life, hostile banter doesn't lead to a love scene the way it does in movies. It just leads to one of the people giving a funny look and walking away or maybe returning the hostility but not in a happy way. In other words, in reality it doesn't lead to a love scene even though it usually does in movies.

Beware what happens when you take too many cues from fiction. Fiction conforms to dramatic conventions. Real life doesn't.

Good advice.

Welcome to the world of Asperger's.

There's nothing wrong with you finding the things you find funny. It's just in the transmission between you and someone else, there might be a disconnection.

Yes...now I'm seeeing.

Damn it and here I thought I was getting better in the world of the social.