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Grisha
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17 Mar 2011, 4:55 pm

Jamesy wrote:
emilon so how come women are are far less tolerant of flaws in men.


Actually, according to OK Cupid women are more tolerant of men's flaws, but much more harsh in finding them in the first place.

http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/your- ... ne-dating/



Jamesy
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17 Mar 2011, 5:38 pm

You know its funny how sexisim in the dating world is never discussed by NTs or mainstream society yet they always go on about equal rights in the work place for women and racisim etc..........

For the record i know NT guys who get NOWHERE with girls becasue they don't know how talk to them.

When it comes to the dating world and establishing a relationship men have just as much of a right to complain as a women would who is being untreated unfairly in the workplace by her male work staff. its like the womens rights movement back in the early 20th century in theory men could also appeal for equal rights in the dating world.

i talked to by email to an aspie guy i know who lives in america yesterday and here is a list of what he told me by email when it comes to what men are expected to do in relatinships. your not going to like to hear this but it is true.

men have to take charge
men have to start the conversation with the girl first and make her like him and not vice versa
men have to approach the women first
men have to make the initiative
men have to have social skills and be able to read body langauge and women don't.
men have to carry the conversation to entice the ladies.

You see what i mean?



Last edited by Jamesy on 17 Mar 2011, 5:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Janissy
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17 Mar 2011, 5:53 pm

Jamesy wrote:
You know its funny how sexisim in the dating world is never discussed by NTs or mainstream society yet they always go on about equal rights in the work place for women and racisim etc.........


Sexism in the dating world is discussed almost constanly by NTs. Face of Boo made a thread about one much-discussed aspect of it, the sexual double standard.

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For the record i know NT guys who get NOWHERE with girls becasue they don't know how talk to them.


Yes. That isn't sexism. That's women wanting to have a conversation and preferring to be with men who will talk to them.



Last edited by Janissy on 17 Mar 2011, 5:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.

emlion
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17 Mar 2011, 5:54 pm

Jamesy wrote:
emilon so how come women are are far less tolerant of flaws in men.


i tolerate mens flaws rather well i'd say.
i love flawed people - they're waay more interesting than 'normal' people.

you're a male so you obviously think you have it harder because you've never seen it from the other side.

you can't judge people just on their gender/race all that stuff.

everyone has their own struggles.
just gotta find a way to overcome them.



hale_bopp
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17 Mar 2011, 5:56 pm

It's not sexism. If you're not attracted to someone, you're not attracted to them. You don't "hate them because of their gender" or discriminate because of their gender, thats what sexism is.



billsmithglendale
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17 Mar 2011, 5:56 pm

The "you're a man" thing had very little to do with singling men out vs. the business economics of dating and club businesses.

Dating sites and companies usually have a hard time getting as many women to sign up as men, because as we all know, there is an asymmetry in demand in terms of who wants to date, and who has problems getting dates (men have the harder time).

Club owners already know this -- this is why they have "Women get in free" policies and the like -- they need incentives to attract women to venues men will already readily pay to attend.

So if you take anything personally from that whole exchange, don't take the "man" thing as some kind of sign that men are being discriminated against -- it's just business. It's not hard to get men to line up for dates, but women need more bait.



hale_bopp
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17 Mar 2011, 5:58 pm

Kind of funny really. There are equal amounts of men in the world as to women. There can't be more single men than women. I think you're deluded by the fact a lot of men will shag anyone easily so it's easier for women that way, they can be choosier about who they date or shag because so many guys are open to shagging anyone.



Jamesy
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17 Mar 2011, 6:00 pm

Yeah but you could easily say that a men would prefer a women that would talk to him.

i think as well that its stupid stereotypes like men just want women for sex and girls want guys so they can make a connection with them. the problem is mainstream society belives these absurd gender stereotypes which is probably part of the reason why men are expected to be the ones that carry conversation and have good social skills to entice the ladies. you see the point i am trying to make here? i think some of these sexist stereotypes need to be debunked.



Last edited by Jamesy on 17 Mar 2011, 6:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Grisha
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17 Mar 2011, 6:01 pm

Back when I was married, my wife would refuse to do certain chores because they were "man's work".

Funny, but there wasn't such a thing as "woman's work"! :wink:



Last edited by Grisha on 17 Mar 2011, 6:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.

hale_bopp
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17 Mar 2011, 6:02 pm

Debunk them then.
Male birds have to show off and do a mating call to attract a mate and to keep her attention.
It's the way nature evolved. Women want the best possible father genetically for their offspring.



emlion
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17 Mar 2011, 6:04 pm

Grisha wrote:
Back when I was married, my wife would refuse to do certain chores because they were "man's work".

Funny, but there wasn't such a thing as "woman's work"! :wink:


i'm so old fashioned like that. i'm happy to do the 'womans work' if he's happy to do the 'mans work' :lol:



Jamesy
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17 Mar 2011, 6:05 pm

So hale do you belive that the majority of women expect a man to have a good set of social skills.

Last year a poster on this site who had been on a few dates said "You have to realise that communicaiton will never come natuarlly to you and as a man this will make you unnaceptable dating material".

How is that for sexist and unfair?



Last edited by Jamesy on 17 Mar 2011, 6:07 pm, edited 2 times in total.

emlion
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17 Mar 2011, 6:06 pm

meh. social skills are good, but a good sense of humour is far more important.



Janissy
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17 Mar 2011, 6:08 pm

Jamesy wrote:
Yeah but you could easily say that a men would prefer a women that would talk to him.


You could say that but it frequently wouldn't be true. There are an awful lot of men who would prefer to have sex with a woman who didn't talk. And then left them alone.

Quote:
i think as well that its stupid stereotypes like men just want women for sex and girls want guys so they can make a connection with them. the problem is mainstream society belives these absurd gender stereotypes which is probably part of the reason why men are expected to be the ones that carry conversation and have good social skills to entice the ladies. you see the point i am trying to make here? i think some of these sexist stereotypes need to be debunked.


Lots of men want relationships. Lots of women want a hookup. But not it's not 50/50. The men who just want sex outnumber the women who do. And the women who want a committed relationship (not "friends with benefits") outnumber the men who do- at least while people are in their 20's. (It seems to even out when people reach their 30's. No, I don't have charts to link.) Thus the stereotype persists because it's frequently true, at least while people are young.



Jamesy
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17 Mar 2011, 6:14 pm

Jannisy the thing is though is that your viewing men and women in black and white terms. belive it or not there is a grey area. this goes back to me saying that men and women are not all robots who are programmed to feel certain ways about things. that is like saying all men do not have feminine sides to them. Its just narrowminded.



hale_bopp
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17 Mar 2011, 6:23 pm

The same way people are fattist against fat people, or shortest against short people. Fat people can lose weight, you can learn social skills.

Short people have the short straw in this example.

How is it sexist liking a guy with social skills? People like women with social skills too. Aspie women have trouble making friends and finding partners.