have you ever been a target of a PUA (pick-up artist)?

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Yes, that's exactly what I mean. It is a form of manipulation. "You're *almost* perfect for me! You just need to ____."

To start off before the preventive tips, here's a description just to set the frame.




These tips will not be 100% foolproof to identifying PUAs, but will root out the majority of them:

- Take more time before you invite him to the bed. For person who just want to get laid this can't be soon enough. So if after two weeks to a month and this person is still into you then there might be a good chance he's/she's a keeper.

- Other thing to look for if the person is dating other people besides yourself or is married/engaged.

- Ask around about the person and see what other's know of him/her.

- If the person's behaviour, style and/or presentation is to good to be true, it mostly is.

Can't come-up with more at the moment, but this should cover most bases.

~~~

On PUAs:

There are enough sites on the internet on becoming and being a pick-up artist, but like Mindslave said - it ain't pretty.

It's all about sensory stimulation and act of personality to get across as attractive, accountable, charming, in-charge, friendly, decent, etc.

Sight: Clothing, hygiene, physical condition, health, attractiveness.
Hearing: Intonation, eloquence, the use of sound and silence.
Taste: flavour.
Smell: scent (own and musks/perfumes).
Touch: tenderness.

Further attributes are more of the mind like:
intellect: small knowledge nuggets (the did you knows, small facts)
empathy: being understanding, picking up facial expressions, giving off the right signals at the right time.
social: etiquette, acting as a gentleman/lady, tact.

Few last notes:
- Most PUAs aren't prepared for if the tricks don't work, it's mainly superfiscial behaviour so that will make most fall through if you get to more personal topics. The "Does-not-compute" look and behavioural leaps (for instance: from friendly to angry, back to somewhat friendly) are soon to follow .
- Things like drugs and alcohol can make you more susceptive to suggestions.

well, i think it is a good idea to offer the information, but if you can try to frame it in such a way as helpful from the side of the target, as opposed to giving tips to the seducers, that would be optimal. does that make sense?

if you can't frame it that way, then at least we may be able to dissect the content if you post it.

oh, i am too dense to follow that.

i saw that happen to you (and others) a couple of times, and i wondered about it. i wasn't sure if it was bothersome, but it certainly got my back up and raised a red flag as to what i thought of them. those same people will simultaneously over-compliment other people to give you a reason to try harder.

I think that was the point, hyperlexian.

*nod* It's one of the more blatant forms of manipulation, but it can be hard not to fall for it even if you recognize it. It plays on the innate desire to please people.

It never bothered me, though. I just laughed and moved on.

ahhh ok, so maybe the relationship is not truly successful.


well, that's a good way of breaking it down. going home with someone on the first date is generally not the best idea. i have mixed feelings about it, as my husband and i were supposed to be a one-night stand. but still a good rule almost all of the time.

literal aspie is literal. is it actually fun to confuse an aspie? it seems too easy to offer much sport, but whatever floats a person's boat i guess.

I don't think that is really true. Many men and women will use PUA techniques even if they are not the hard core 7 girls a week PUAs



b. Good advice but again a less hard core PUA might well be prepared to wait as they are probably having sex with other people as well.

I'm not the person to ask. I certainly wasn't trying to confuse anyone.

nah, there was no point, hence my failure. It was just a random teasing.

I've never been a target of a PUA, I've only been on the seducer side of it.

I don't know what tips to really offer other than to take your time, simply because the majority of seducers are in some hurry and want to seduce you NOW and don't want to date you for a month. However, I must tell you, a certain minority of seducers are very patient and will lead you along for as long as it takes, for months on end even, and in one extreme case recently I saw a woman strung along for two years!

The other thing about seducers is they are always magically a perfect match for you. This is a trick in which the seducer will find out beforehand what you like and dislike, and then will profess a strong like/dislike of that very same thing later on, which makes you feel like they are your soul-mate. The seducer will appear to have no flaws, nothing to concern you, nothing to stop you from falling under their spell......

Seducers are chameleon-like in personality and will (temporarily) mold themselves to be your perfect match.

ok that's fair.

lol

To answer the OP, yes. Twice I believe but I can not really be sure because the problem with this is you cannot prove that they were doing this.

I had a male friend back in 2006. He pretty much seduced me and was very vague about what was happening and when I asked him where we stood he pretty much stonewalled me with silence and vague statements.

I knew he was travelling overseas anyway soon so I didnt expect a relationship but I did expect him to behave like an adult about the whole thing.

I was actually bound for the same country as him and I arrived there 6 months later.

I met up with him and he asked me to come out for a drink. He then proceeded to flirt with all the females he could in front of me, and then when I was upset he said I had no right to be.

Then we went together, as friends to this engagement party of mutual friends which was out of town, and he tried to book a room with a double bed for us, and I said "What for? I thought we were just friends now." and he said "What do you think for?" and I said "Im not just going to become available to you when you feel like it. I wanted to go out with you and you said no." He was silent.

Then at the party he split off from me and tried to seduce all the women he could see.

I even saw him flirting with this girl in a very low cut top. Her boyfriend was with them and I could see a look of amazement on they boyfriend's face, that the guy was flirting with her right in front of him like he wasnt there.

Later on I heard all these stories about him from people at the party. Apparently he pretty much left a trail of destruction behind him wherever he went. I was shocked at the things I found out, I knew he was a casanova but the dishonesty apparently spread further than the relationship sphere, that is all I am going to say.

To this day I dont know what he thinks or what goes on in his mind. All I know is that if I see anyone behaving like him, I will do all in my power to stop them.