Friends zone and not understanding women

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You're not alone. This pretty much describes the story of my life too. I am always the nice guy, the friend. But never more than that. Still waiting for a gf. I can't pretend to be someone I'm not. I won't be some jerk just because others say that's what girls are attracted to.

Have you ever been told 'you're just like a brother to me'?
I have in the past and let me tell you what that's about as deep as you can possibly get into the friend zone brother..lol

Have you heard that song? http://thefump.com/side.php?id=957
Me ex told me I felt like a brother but I think that's because we really connected on a lot of ways. She felt like a little sister to me but I also felt extremely attracted, affectionate & kind of romantic towards her

Hahaha funny song,I liked that.
yep..that's exactly how it went with that girl I was after.

Hmmm that really happened with your girl?
Perhaps I need to rethink the rules of dating I have learned..lol.
Guess the other thing sure about dating is that NOTHING is sure

Just out of curiosity though did she tell you that way before you broke up or shortly before?
Men and womens thought patterns are quite different.

'Like a sibling' may have a totally different feeling behind it when it comes from a girl instead of a guy.

She told me that when things were going well with us but she also jokingly called me dad a couple times; I was very protective of her because she was a bit younger than me & had some issues that I was helping her with. We were both only children so I'm not sure whet it feels like to have a sibling but we both really connected so well if we would of been adopted; I might would of suspected we could of had the same biological parents

Hmm almost sounds like that close 'girl next door' kinda feeling in a way.
But I can honestly say I've never heard the 'dad' issue come up in a discussion on relationships before.
Was she by any chance an aspie too?

She was not an Aspie but she had sever dyslexia, ADHD & some minor OCD amongst other things

You read my mind. 'My big brother.' No girl ever makes out with or is sexually interested in her brother (hopefully).

I was once told that a girl needs to be able to picture me in bed with her the moment she meets me. This is to keep from being a brother figure. I don't go to that extreme, but I do see the point. Kind of like what mikeylight was saying, being friendly and caring, but making it clear you're always interested. That's a step down from the bed extreme, while still making it clear you don't want to be her brother.

Easier typing that out than acting on it.

Huh????? Um, maybe I didn't make it clear enough. I don't have any friendships to destroy through a relationship. If I get hit on it is always by someone who has never met me before.

.... Well, I wouldn't have even been aware that I was her friend in that case. As far as I know (and I should know) I have never had a female friend.

repost error...mods please delete this reply as I combined all my responses together below.

Last edited by gtw1983 on 01 Jul 2011, 11:50 am, edited 1 time in total.

What do you think it is about you that makes them loose interest?
I've had this problem a lot in the past,but I can't pin a single set of behaviors down as the main culprit.
Maybe it's just that they sense I'm a little 'slow' so to speak.



Curious.
How about other dudes,are you able to make friendships with them without much trouble?



Whether the other person has the same diagnosis as you or not,it sure does seem like people with mental or emotional 'issues' end up in relationships together a lot.
Seems every girl that has gotten the closest to me has ADD/ADHD,OCD,Dyslexia,Bi polar,or some similar disorder.
The few NT's who have liked me seem to loose interest pretty fast when I don't catch on or act quickly.




What do you think it is about you that makes them loose interest?
I've had this problem a lot in the past,but I can't pin a single set of behaviors down as the main culprit.
Maybe it's just that they sense I'm a little 'slow' so to speak.



Curious.
How about other dudes,are you able to make friendships with them without much trouble?



Whether the other person has the same diagnosis as you or not,it sure does seem like people with mental or emotional 'issues' end up in relationships together a lot.
Seems every girl that has gotten the closest to me has ADD/ADHD,OCD,Dyslexia,Bi polar,or some similar disorder.
The few NT's who have liked me seem to loose interest pretty fast when I don't catch on or act quickly.




Although it may have some truth I really do dislike the 'give off Sex vibe immediately' rule that PUA use

I just can't understand whats so wrong with wanting to get to know a girl better first instead of giving bedroom eyes to each other from the start.Not trying to be offensive to girls that do it,but I have far less respect for women that are willing to hook up early.It makes me think things like 'how many other guys has this girl had' or 'If we're a couple how could I ever trust her when she flirts and puts out for every dude that puts the moves on her'?

On the other hand when I can tell a girl is attracted to me yet she still refuses to give in and cheat on her current BF,well she's just earned some respect in my book.It shows me that she is likley to do the same for me if we're ever an item.

But as for trying to avoid the 'friend zone' and the 'brother complex' Mikeylight has it right I believe.Another way I heard this concept explained is this......

Comfort-Attraction= Friend zone/Like a Brother
Attraction- Comfort = Player/One night Stand material
Attraction+Comfort = Long Term Relationship

But recent posts from guys like Nick007 have made me question if the rules aren't sometime significantly different for Girls with Aspergers or other similar disorders.He apparently had a relationship even with the 'brother complex' so I am feeling a lot less sure of my previously held beliefs ...lol

You are definitely on the right track there! As a female, I am put off if a guy seems to be giving off that sex vibe the very first time I meet him. A female might well think: "If this guy is so eager for sex without getting to know me first, how easy will it be for him to be intimate with other females on short notice?"

These two descriptions fit my fiance!

Amen!
Thank God for level headed girls like you that don't fall for the PUA player BS.
Some of these PUA's treat humans like we're merely unintelligent animals whose only purpose is too impregnate or get pregnant as soon as possible.Sex is great I'm sure,but I'm a LOT less likely to think of a girl as relationship or marriage material if she bed hops so easily.To me certain girls are sexy and beautiful beings that I would like to get to know better.They're not just cum recepticles for my own personal gratification



Hahaha yet another person that throws a monkey wrench into the formula.So correct me if I'm wrong,but are you saying that you think of you BF as a friend/bother AND still feel great attraction for him.
if so you're the second person to tell me such a thing,only the other was a guy.

I think it's because people who have issues are better able to relate, understand & accept others issues than people who don't. Plus some things can compliment each other. That's partly why I'd rather find someone with issues. I'd have more to offer em than someone who doesn't because I can provide emotional support & things.

Unless they are bringing you something that benefits you/you like, they are useless.

Get a good GFE provider and you will never look back. All the sweetness of a "real" relationship and none of the BS.