Why is dating considerably easier after 40

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Well yes, money certainly gets better as you get older, but you're still older...

Dating did not improve for me until my mid-thirties. Single women of that age seemed more tolerant of my AS behavior, and also seemed more appreciative of a man that worked for a living and had time for them. Even now, in my fifties, there are women who know that I'm married, and still seem to be a little more "touchy-feely" than they should ... and my looks are more suited for radio than the telly ...

Grass is always greener on the other side.

When you're under 40, dating will seem easier over 40, but by then bodies are already starting to sag.

If I had more money, dating might be easier, but the reasons for apparent attraction to me aren't what I want.

I dont think that this attitude is going to help you find a partner.

The way I see it there's no age on which finding a partner is easy and telling yourself that it gets easier when you reach x age just means that you are procastinating instead of trying to work on why cant you find a partner at your actual age which is the problem you'll have to face when you reach x.

Not saying that it does get any easier at 40. But for most geeks, including myself, progress can only be made when it does get easier then when I was young. Either that or it will remain near impossible.

Average NTs, will most likely find love as they did when they was younger but it may take a little longer, perhaps lower standards, get some dating education etc.

For aspies it require something radical, because something less then radical may make it dating equal to that of you was younger at best, but for a aspie this would not be good enough, unlike NTs.

Only radical things I can think of are.
1: Migrate
2: Get rich. Or better off the preveously
2: Plastic sergery( if you are homely)
4: Or change lifestyle radically or open some can or worms
5: Try extreme measure to change behavour and do NT thing such
as eye contact etc.

The moral of the story is. If you was unable to run a marathon when you was younger and fitter, it is unlikely that you would be able to do it better, unless your approach is RADICAL.

1. Migrate - doesn't seem to work either, I have moved all over the place including changing countries, as I am sure many others have done.
2. Money doesn't always fix things, in fact it can make things worse.
3. Plastic Surgery - why? to drastic of a change
4. Change lifestyle - so change what I like and take up some different lifestyle that may not really be liked, just to satisfy others?
5. Try extreme measure to change behavour and do NT thing such
as eye contact etc. - pretty sure that many have tried this and when I have it didn't work.

Maybe just being honest, with self and others, and becoming comfortable with self and confident?

Do you think that this enough to make dating easier then teenage years. One thing about being an as older aspie is they soon learn how many dates or lack of them to expect in a given year. And improving thing by a few percentage is just insufficeint. I know I am probably the last one to put a romantic gloss over things, as I don't see it helping.

I believe that working towards a future is important, living and expecting no future is no good. It is especially important for those who are unable to be happy now. I suspect that many aspies who took the advice, "live every day at a time", decide to lift their mood ( or depression if they have it) by use of alchol or other stimulants or maybe even prostitutes. I guess some who go as far as "live every day like its your last" may have joined the riots and stole some PCs from PCWorld.

I was married through all of my 30's and most of my 20's, so I don't really have anything to compare ease of dating with. But I can say that I don't find it especially difficult now. There appears to be a large bulge in the "over 40 and newly single" demographic, so the pool of potential date-mates seems to get larger all the time.

I think the main thing is to project the vibe that you are "datable", which took me a while after my divorce to figure out. There was a period of time when I swear men would run in the opposite direction at sight of me. But gradually, as my attitude changed, so did they.

I also strongly agree with the idea of scaling back your expectations. These days, I basically have none other than simple civility. If a man is a decent sort of fellow and doesn't come across as a complete dick-head, then hey, that's good enough. I'm not looking for another husband, after all ... I'm just looking for a pleasant evening. That's not too difficult to do.

Uh-huh, and I think that's a healthy attitude, I just get discouraged when I have 50 pleasant evenings and no desire to sleep with any of them. Then I just feel like I'm wasting my time. I know it's an attitude problem, but I'm puzzled by how to fix it. And it's very expensive to date where I live!

Do you mean 50 evenings with the same man, or one evening with 50 different men? Actually, in either case I would ask what's wrong with that? Sleeping with a man isn't the criteria for a successful date. There are enough intangible factors involved in that decision that I don't think it's something you can analyze too closely and get very meaningful information.

You've no doubt experienced the situation where you know ten minutes after a man picks you up that you're going to bed with him. The opposite extreme ... you know you won't, no matter what. Either way, I honestly don't think it's a waste of time, unless maybe he dumps you because you won't put out, but in that case it's probably just as well.

Oh, I meant 50 different dates with, say, 35-40 different men. And I think it's a matter of getting "peopled-out" too quickly; the dates last longer than I'm comfortable with. I enjoy their company, for the most part, but I haven't met anyone in a really long time (a really long time) whose bones I want to jump, either at the start or down the road. So, it's a nice time out, but ultimately they usually want to progress, and I don't (with them). And I pay my way on dates, so it gets really expensive for me.

Regardless, I like your attitude, it's one I'd like to cultivate. I've cut way back on dating, like I have on non-dating socializing, because it's all too overwhelming for me. I just wish I could meet someone who I at least sort of wanted to jump, and have him feel the same way about me. I'm not sure I'm explaining it properly.

Yeah, I know what you're saying. But have you found that older men are less likely to stop calling if you don't have sex with them than younger guys? There's one good thing about being older.



Oh yeah, I think that's what we all want

But it's elusive as hell. Which gets us back to the original point of this thread

50 men. I cant help thinking that either older woman or aspie woman having easier then aspie guys.

Its quite a well known fact that dating sites(to pick an example) are lacking of women. So if a female was actively searching on a dating site and willing to give most guys that approach her a chance(perhaps she could een have the wild thought of approaching some males) she could have well over 50 dates(she mentioned that some of this dates were with the same man so it wasnt 50 men).

It doesnt mean that they have an easier time finding a suitable partner(most dates on online places are rather crappy and they have to go through them pretending nothing´s wrong)but they have less trouble finding a date.

Yes, all of this. Thanks, spongy! And yes, I did the approaching online, a lot of the time. Of course you have to work it! I just didn't find anyone I wanted to spend an extended amount of time with. And this was over a two-year period or so.

Now that I no longer do the online thing, I never meet anyone. Between my job and my children and my gym habit, there's just no place and no time to meet people organically. And, at least where I live, there seem to be very few available men in my age range. (For example, there's exactly one single dad in my kids' school system, and it's my ex-husband.)

I didn't want to leave anyone here with the impression that I was more successful at dating, because that's absolutely not true. I was trying to demonstrate that I cannot seem to succeed at dating, despite very heavily working it. It's an Aspie difficulty, I think, no matter what the age or the sex.

On dating website aspie woman have the luxury having a very
specific profile. In my experiece most woman profiles was very generic, short and uninteresting. I was forced as a man however to change my profile the same way to increase hits.

One if my first experiance is I looked for an hour for a few ideal partners. Found a few then sent a message. None answered . They probably got too many messages to read. It appear the only real success is gorila tackticks sending as many masssage like spem and how someone replies. Most that usually reply appear to be just interested in black men. Which isn't helped by my very short and generic profile.

Dating siates are really unbalanced, it appears to benefit very few people.