06 Sep 2011, 8:19 pm
nick007
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Joined: 4 May 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 28,572
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in capitalistic military dictatorship called USA
06 Sep 2011, 8:43 pm
HopeGrows
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Joined: 5 Nov 2009
Age: 52
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,565
Location: In exactly the right place at exactly the right time.
06 Sep 2011, 10:33 pm
hurtloam wrote:
HopeGrows wrote:
MountZion wrote:
I am the same, do not wish to settle for someone I have no attraction to. I sometimes used to think of myself as shallow because of it, but I realised that nobody should have to date someone they have no attraction to.
I've never understood why anyone would feel like they "had" to date someone they weren't attracted to. It's a terrible thing to do to a person (either feign interest or make it painfully clear that you'd rather be anywhere but on a date with them). I just can't imagine why anyone would put another person through that kind of pain and humiliation. Why would you want to entice someone to make an emotional investment in a relationship with you when that's precisely what you don't want? It just seems incredibly selfish to me.
True, I've been told before just to go out with someone who asks me so that I don't feel so lonely, or to get experience, or for something to do. But I've never wanted to lead someone on that I see no future with.
However, I think that some feel they should date someone they aren't attracted to because the only people who ever show any interest in them are people whom they are not attracted to. So, catch 22.
They think: "Do I go out with him/her and see if something develops? Maybe he/she is more suited to me than I imagined at first. Maybe I should take a leap. Maybe my ideals are too high or unrealistic. Maybe I should take this step and make a change in my life. Maybe I don't want to be alone anymore."
I've been thinking about this song alot lately, All at Once by The Fray.....
Maybe what you want has been in front of you all along.
First, I dig that song by The Fray. Second, I think your approach is completely ethical, as long as both parties understand the intent. People may balk at the idea of being that straightforward with a prospective mate, but I think it's the only fair way to deal with the situation. If someone is that into you, they'd at least appreciate the honesty, and potentially be willing to give it a try.
As far as what I want being in front of me (specifically), I'm very happily off the market.
HopeGrows
Veteran
Joined: 5 Nov 2009
Age: 52
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,565
Location: In exactly the right place at exactly the right time.
06 Sep 2011, 10:36 pm
06 Sep 2011, 10:50 pm
06 Sep 2011, 10:58 pm
07 Sep 2011, 12:23 am
07 Sep 2011, 1:02 am
07 Sep 2011, 6:57 am
hale_bopp wrote:
nick007 wrote:
Grisha wrote:
Whenever I get all emo/whiny about being single, it helps to remind myself that I'm essentially single by choice - if I really wanted to, I could easily be in a relationship with someone I'm not attracted to.
I think this is true for most of the guys here as well...
I think this is true for most of the guys here as well...
It was NOT true for me a few months ago when I was single. It seemed like I couldn't get anyone. Megz is kind of the opposite of some of my ideal standards that I had then but I was so desperate that I was willing to give most anyone a chance & I am extremely happy I did because I realized that those ideal standards I had were waaay wrong. things I was worried about being poteitial problems are actually great strengths.
This is very common. We call all preach our standards, but the reality is different most of the time.
Exactly.
Discussing standards is just another thing to do to pass the time between relationships. Meet the right person and they go right out the window.
This is also true about whining, PU artistry, and apparently posting on WP in general for many people...
