Best girl advice for aspie guys

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Joined: 16 Sep 2011
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03 Oct 2011, 4:31 pm

Personally, the one bit of advice for attracting girls I wouldn't follow is the one about teasing them. While I don't doubt that it works, it's just not in my nature to go taking jabs at people, good-natured or not, and I'm not about to go so far outside my comfort zone that I start acting in ways that go against who I like to be.

It does seem clear that confidence, charisma and a strong reputation amongst your peers are the key factors in triggering attraction. While I found the advice around threads like this one and DataSage's guide disheartening at first, I realised that they really do explain why you can really get on well with a girl but for there to be no romantic interest at all on her part. While I'd rather just enjoy talking to them rather than focusing on coming across strongly, I've come to realise that you have to flirt with them to get any kind of appreciable chemistry going.

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lightening020
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03 Oct 2011, 6:34 pm

I'm going to say something that I THINK is more important than the advice you are giving. I think at least anyways.

While I think your advice is helpful, you have your "image". From your photographs(even the first one), it is obvious that you know who you are, and you aren't afraid of showing the world. You already had your style and your attitude, that is where your "swag" comes from. From your body language and facial expressions in both photographs it doesn't appear that you have any shy or "not sure what you want to be" vibes.

You definitely have your "it" factor, and that seems to be what has been working for you and in turn producing confidence. I think that is the most important element before tips and suggestions on how to socialize. I think once you have "it", socializing comes more naturally.

I don't have "it". I might have been close to getting "it" at various times, but it just never happened. I can read countless advice on how to socialize and influence people, but I don't think it really matters. I don't have that "This is who I am" attitude to myself like you do.

This is why I believe "social skills" are kind of a myth, everything depends on personality and who you are.

Anyways I would like your comment on this. Maybe what I described isn't you at all....feel free to describe your trials and tribulations...thanks

MR20
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03 Oct 2011, 6:48 pm

lightening020 wrote:

Yeah something else you have to consider, is that ever aspie born on different functioning levels. I mean just because you're able to go out, have friends, and date frequently like normal people, doesn't every other aspie can.

lightening020
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03 Oct 2011, 7:12 pm

MR20 wrote:

That is important too of course, but it is impossible to really know about anybody that you haven't met. It's impossible to know how much is "negative" thinking that is holding you or me back from just "living life". You might have more "functioning" than you think.

I am not pretending to be ignorant though. People can talk all they want about "dont think negative...it won't get you anywhere", BUT Negative experiences came FIRST in early childhood growing up, and that shaped my mindset for my teenage years, which shaped who I am or AM NOT now. I never chose to be a miserable depressed c**t. That is what my life circumstances and experiences brought in me. Its not impossible to change it, but f**k. If you started out with the wrong mindset, your basically climbing mount everest to improve yourself.

I want to be "cool calm and collected", but when I am out in public, that is far from how I feel.

Fatal-Noogie
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03 Oct 2011, 8:49 pm

Surfman wrote:

If your a guy at art school who cant get laid, theres something wrong with you

Yeah. I already knew that there was something wrong with me.
But thanks. Thanks for rubbing it in.

Seriously tho, I think it's the area demographics.
There are more men than women in this town, so all the girls in my classes
already have boyfriends outside of class.

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MetalAspie
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04 Oct 2011, 12:45 am

lightening020 wrote:

Actually you pretty much hit the nail on my head. I've always had the same style, attitude, and music taste. But I didn't have my "swag" until recent years. I'd definitley say that going to parties, meeting people, and forcing myself to be social, so to speak, helped. Sure, there were times that I'd embarass myself, and there were times I'd embarass others around me, but I treated every time as a learning experience that made me into the man i am today. And people like me because I'm different, and I'm interesting to hang out with.

I went from being the weird kid who wears black and likes loud music, to the cool kid who wears black and likes loud music. Like Hyde from That 70s Show. I mean lets face it, chicks love a man who loves Zeppelin

SadAspy
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04 Oct 2011, 12:56 am

Best advice for guys wanting to get girls....

1. Be attractive

2. Don't be unattractive

MetalAspie
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04 Oct 2011, 1:28 am

SadAspy wrote:

Best advice for guys wanting to get girls....

1. Be attractive

2. Don't be unattractive

Then explain to me how Lemmy does it...

Thom_Fuleri
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05 Oct 2011, 11:22 am

bruinsy33 wrote:

Wake up man ! ! You are a good looking guy..I think there would be tons of girls interested in you ..

Not just girls, perhaps...

MountZion
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05 Oct 2011, 11:32 am

This thread is pure win

MetalAspie knows what to do, basically showing how to do it, even though he has aspergers and had his problems before, he embraced and accepted who he is instead of moaning about it.

Kudos to you man

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Biokinetica
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06 Oct 2011, 3:24 pm

MetalAspie wrote:

1. If you're trying to meet girls at like school or a workplace, heres one thing you need to remember - Being "the cool guy" helps. Giving off the impression that everybody in the room is your best friend makes you seem desirable. Alot of aspies will hang around a group of their peers, and fixate themself on 1 girl and only talk to her. That seems creepy. Sure, you can shoot the sh** with her if you're interested, but if you give everyone else you're with an equal amount of attention, it will work in your benefit.

2. Don't hesitate if the feelings right, because that will also make you look creepy. Be straight foreward with what you want but don't be creepy. If a girls talking to you and things are going smoothly, get her number and text her to hang out sometime. If you've been talking to a girl for a while and she seems genuinley interested, don't be afraid to sit kinda close to her and see how she responds. If she responds nicely, she'll naturally end up moving closer to you. And for the love of god, DON'T stand their awkwardly and nervousley just staring at her. Thinking about what to say to her. Because that can be taken SO wronly by her. She'll think you're a creep.

3. Girls get jealous. So talk to other girls too. Cuz she'll see you with her, get jealous, and want you more. Sounds crazy. It works.

4. Be cute and funny. Make fun of them but in a joking way. If you got a girl laughing, youve got a girl loving.

5. Don't worry about getting put in the friend zone. I love having female friends. Having female friends who can give me advice and I can have heart-to-hearts with about anything is great. My first year in college, I made friends with so many girls and theyre all like sisters to me now. But this year, I've just been flirting and hooking up with freshmen girls. After all those times getting put in the friend-zone, I now know how NOT to get put in the friend zone.

6. If you're gonna try to cuddle up to a girl or touch legs with her, at least make sure the chemistry between you guys is ok enough where you can do it. I saw this one kid with aspergers at my school try to touch legs and snuggle up to this girl, but he didnt say a word to her. He just sat there, staring off into space, and slowly kept inching closer to her. Creeped her the f**k out. I ended up getting a blowjob from that same girl, and spent 2 nights in her dorm because I knew how to get her and I did it right.

This reads like "NT Dating 101". I'm not sure how this helps the multitudes of problems aspies have with actually performing these actions. To say this on a forum is one thing. To have it pass typical aspie scrutiny and actually put it into practice is entirely another.

MetalAspie
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07 Oct 2011, 6:47 am

Biokinetica wrote:

MetalAspie wrote:

Funny though, I have aspergers and I've mastered those actions down to a science...So obviousley I'm not the only aspie who has the potential to get chicks.

Biokinetica
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07 Oct 2011, 6:52 am

You sound like an example of one of the umpteen number of discussions here on 'nice guys'. I'm pretty sure I don't want to be like you.

minervx
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07 Oct 2011, 7:57 am

Very good advice, Metal Aspie.

More respect to guys who approach women. Even if they get rejected, there's more respect for them then the guys who just creepily stare.

verbal0rchid
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07 Oct 2011, 8:53 am

MetalAspie wrote:

3. Girls get jealous. So talk to other girls too. Cuz she'll see you with her, get jealous, and want you more. Sounds crazy. It works.

Sorry, that would scream "Player" and I would bail real quick & in a hurry. If it works for you, great. It wouldn't work on me. It would backfire on you.

Biokinetica
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07 Oct 2011, 8:54 am

MetalAspie wrote:

hurtloam wrote:

I stop liking a guy if I see him flirting with a load of other girls, just makes me think he's a womanizer who's just gonna use me.

Most of the time, its the other girls that are flirting with me. And obviousley I'm not gonna be like "No, eww go away". You just gotta have the swag to attract them. Swag is key. Plus, most of the girls I flirt with also flirt with lots of other guys so its not like theyre gonna get offended or anything. Its just...idk...how people act at art school lol

I think you mean "swagger". "Swag" is a material gift given in compensation for one's time at an event...

Guess "swag" could work too, depending upon the kind of girl you're trying to get to fellatiate you.

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