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A Different Perspective On The "Need" For Relation

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biostructure
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31 Oct 2011, 12:50 am

It's amazing how some of you have such strong negative emotions toward kids. To me, kids are cute, and babies are OK. It's more that I just have apathy toward the idea of having kids, i.e. I'd rather ponder the deep mysteries of the universe than take care of another human who didn't have to be created in the first place. And I see how others love the world of humans much more than I do, plus having kids is one of their true ambitions, whereas I have ambitions they don't care about.

I don't know if that makes me less, or more, likely to change my mind. Maybe more, because I don't actively hate children, but maybe less, because it's not like there are strong positive emotions toward the idea that are canceled by even stronger negative ones.

I think for me, any big change in my feelings about reproducing will come when I have to truly come to terms with the fact that my time on this planet is limited. That is, assuming I don't die suddenly without any sort of decline leading up to it. When I realize I am getting farther and farther from being a kid myself, then I may feel the need for continuity. Though then again, I don't know if that's such a good reason to have a kid...



hyperlexian
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31 Oct 2011, 7:12 am

biostructure wrote:
It's amazing how some of you have such strong negative emotions toward kids. To me, kids are cute, and babies are OK. It's more that I just have apathy toward the idea of having kids, i.e. I'd rather ponder the deep mysteries of the universe than take care of another human who didn't have to be created in the first place. And I see how others love the world of humans much more than I do, plus having kids is one of their true ambitions, whereas I have ambitions they don't care about.

I don't know if that makes me less, or more, likely to change my mind. Maybe more, because I don't actively hate children, but maybe less, because it's not like there are strong positive emotions toward the idea that are canceled by even stronger negative ones.

I think for me, any big change in my feelings about reproducing will come when I have to truly come to terms with the fact that my time on this planet is limited. That is, assuming I don't die suddenly without any sort of decline leading up to it. When I realize I am getting farther and farther from being a kid myself, then I may feel the need for continuity. Though then again, I don't know if that's such a good reason to have a kid...

i love children now - i have a 17 year old daughter and i am even a teacher (well, i was... and i will be again). i had a dramatic transformation (though i still don't hold other people's babies). but the other posters in the thread may not ever change their minds, which is cool. different life paths and all that.


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mv
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31 Oct 2011, 7:20 am

OP, have you considered a vasectomy? That would be a really emphatic way of making your point and will clear out the majority of "hopin'-he'll-change-his-mind"-ers.



LexF
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31 Oct 2011, 7:38 am

mv wrote:
OP, have you considered a vasectomy? That would be a really emphatic way of making your point and will clear out the majority of "hopin'-he'll-change-his-mind"-ers.


I don't need one because I'm naturally sterile. I couldn't father a child under any circumstances.

Some women refuse to believe this....!

But for the past few years, I'm pretty much approached solely by older women who already have kids. That scenario doesn't interest me any more than having kids of my own.

There was a woman on the site where I'm a forum mod, who hounded me about dating her. She was older, had 4 kids, and lived relatively nearby. Her point was "two of them are out of the house, and the other two will be." I tried to explain to her that it didn't make any difference; it didn't matter how old the kids were, it didn't matter where they were, geographically, it was the fact that she had them in the first place. She couldn't assimilate this.

She ended up leaving the site, but now she stalks me on another site where I have an account. People are strange.



biostructure
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31 Oct 2011, 1:04 pm

LexF wrote:
mv wrote:
OP, have you considered a vasectomy? That would be a really emphatic way of making your point and will clear out the majority of "hopin'-he'll-change-his-mind"-ers.


I don't need one because I'm naturally sterile. I couldn't father a child under any circumstances.


You're lucky. As for myself, I've definitely considered one, but I'm open to the fact that I may still have a lot of maturing/development ahead of me, and may eventually change my mind, so I don't want to do something that can't be undone. Otherwise it's a great idea.



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31 Oct 2011, 2:36 pm

biostructure wrote:
It's amazing how some of you have such strong negative emotions toward kids.


I don't dislike kids -- I dislike the idea of being a parent, or of being with a parent.



LexF
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31 Oct 2011, 2:38 pm

biostructure wrote:
LexF wrote:
mv wrote:
OP, have you considered a vasectomy? That would be a really emphatic way of making your point and will clear out the majority of "hopin'-he'll-change-his-mind"-ers.


I don't need one because I'm naturally sterile. I couldn't father a child under any circumstances.


You're lucky. As for myself, I've definitely considered one, but I'm open to the fact that I may still have a lot of maturing/development ahead of me, and may eventually change my mind, so I don't want to do something that can't be undone. Otherwise it's a great idea.


Had circumstances been different, I would have had a vasectomy -- or tried to, anyway, I hear a lot of doctors won't do it for men under 40 -- in my early 20s.



biostructure
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31 Oct 2011, 8:09 pm

LexF wrote:
biostructure wrote:
It's amazing how some of you have such strong negative emotions toward kids.


I don't dislike kids -- I dislike the idea of being a parent, or of being with a parent.


Sorry, that was directed at Hyperlexian (her former self) and shebakoby, not you.



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31 Oct 2011, 8:58 pm

biostructure wrote:
LexF wrote:
biostructure wrote:
It's amazing how some of you have such strong negative emotions toward kids.


I don't dislike kids -- I dislike the idea of being a parent, or of being with a parent.


Sorry, that was directed at Hyperlexian (her former self) and shebakoby, not you.


That's OK, I wasn't offended or anything. To be honest, lots of people have asked me "Why do you hate kids so much?" I really don't. It's just that a lot of those people can't differentiate between not liking kids and not wanting to be a parent. Kids are great, especially if they can be trained to do laundry and squander their disposable income on books....!



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31 Oct 2011, 9:02 pm

biostructure wrote:
LexF wrote:
biostructure wrote:
It's amazing how some of you have such strong negative emotions toward kids.


I don't dislike kids -- I dislike the idea of being a parent, or of being with a parent.


Sorry, that was directed at Hyperlexian (her former self) and shebakoby, not you.

i think a lot of women, maybe particularly aspie women, have strong feelings about kids. i don't think it is very unusual.


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LexF
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01 Nov 2011, 11:31 am

hyperlexian wrote:
biostructure wrote:
LexF wrote:
biostructure wrote:
It's amazing how some of you have such strong negative emotions toward kids.


I don't dislike kids -- I dislike the idea of being a parent, or of being with a parent.


Sorry, that was directed at Hyperlexian (her former self) and shebakoby, not you.

i think a lot of women, maybe particularly aspie women, have strong feelings about kids. i don't think it is very unusual.


When I was studying psychology, I mentioned to my instructor that I had no interest in women who had kids, or wanted kids. She seemed a little shocked, and said, "You're asking them to go against their natural function!"

I thought this was a little specious -- are we to assume that anything which qualifies as a "natural function" is inherently good?

I mean, we have laws against murder, rape, etc., but in some species, those are natural functions.

So, in the end, it seems someone (and who might THAT be?) gets to decide which natural functions are OK and which are not. The whole thing seems a tad bit arbitrary.



mv
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01 Nov 2011, 11:40 am

Heh heh, that's just idiotic, what she said. Sickness and disease are natural functions, too. SO MANY THINGS are "natural" and we've circumvented them or outright done away with them.

/ end thread hijack



LexF
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01 Nov 2011, 11:53 am

mv wrote:
Heh heh, that's just idiotic, what she said. Sickness and disease are natural functions, too. SO MANY THINGS are "natural" and we've circumvented them or outright done away with them.

/ end thread hijack


Exactly!

You know, the other thing that bothered me a little about that was that it was almost like there was a subtext underneath -- "You're asking them to go against their natural function, and having kids is what they're SUPPOSED to do." As if they could not be allowed any choice in the matter.

I had a flashback of the old "Keep 'em barefoot and pregnant" imagery. This was actually the attitude of my in-laws (even the women!) when I was married. Ugh. If she wants kids, fine -- if she wants to spend her life studying pelicans, that's fine too. It should be up to her.