How to discuss sex once in a relationship

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Well, yes, that can happen.

Some women don't see sexual incompatibility as a reason for breakup.

I do thinks sexual compatibility is very important. However, I also think partners should be ready for certain compromises and I do think it's not the most important aspect of a relationship.

I've been with a guy who was completely incompatible with me and I didn't reject him for it. But it was difficult to deal with.

There's a good chance she'll be thinking that if you break up for any other reason too.

My current GF is the "abstinence until marriage" type. It does not bother me. You said you have not been in a relationship, but if you find a good one, sex, although still on at least part of your mind, won't matter as much (at least to me...).

Kind of hard to have a relationship with somebody who is asexual. Unwillingness to perform certain positions? Uh....

Back to my first point, when I am with my GF, I can enjoy everything about her without worrying about sex. Hell, even before I started dating I didn't care. Society pushes way to much BS on this stuff... I'm a virgin, I don't give a damn. A friend who is a room over in the dorm gets laid weekly. You know what I have that he doesn't? Somebody who loves me and cares about me despite my quirks. Also, like I told her, plenty of fun to be had without sex (in the strictest sense of the word).

Also, if you end a relationship that has everything going for it minus sex for that reason, it does make you pretty shallow... sorry to say it.

Yes, but these are your (in my opinion) extremely-sheltered opinions. You're entitled to them, of course, but they seem to be a very unrealistic paradigm for the average Joe. As far as I'm concerned, if the interaction didn't have sex in it, it wouldn't be an intimate, romantic relationship, regardless of the "quality" of the non-sexual aspects of the relationship. I'm old enough to be your mom, though. Different strokes.

This made my heart melt.
Your GF is a very lucky woman.

In other words, it's either stay and be incompatible, or be a user incapable of love?

Wait, isn't sex outside marriage a sin, or liberal christians are ok, regarding sex at least?

well I'd agree with you about "society pushes way to much BS", but, it looks like in your case, there is some sort of compatibility, like for you, sex is not a priority but other things are in your relationship, or wasn't like that in the beginning?

I never had a relationship so I wouldn't know, but as you implied "society", everyone pressumes that relationships = sex, and I wonder, isn't she bombarded with that as well, how does she feel about it? Curious.



That is what he is afraid of, what they would think, but, why should he care?

My last relationship failed, primarily because my partner was avoiding even discussing sex, much less doing it, even 3 years into the relationship. That hurt the relationship even more than the fact that she lived 1,200 miles away.

She was an Aspie, but I don't know if that was a factor.

Based on experience, I feel I would do better in an AS-AS relationship, but with the numbers game, I make the assumption that AS + single = asexual. This would be a major problem because (a) I have a very high sex drive, and (b) I do eventually want a family.

And being a Christian doesn't make things easier, because I don't think I could be with someone who is saving herself until marriage.

I wouldn't be with a girl who had to talk about it. We would know within a few moments of meeting that we both wanted the same thing.

Gotta meet a girl first. Then, you establish a friendship and hang out. Then after a couple of dates and hanging out and getting to know each other, you deliver the news: that you would like to [insert your favorite phrase of having sex i.e. hit it, smush, lol] and discuss your concerns that you posted. Honesty is the best policy, and if you want something, just ask [tactfully and non-douchey, though]! The worst that could happen is that you get turned down. But there is hope, and there's probably someone out there that is in a similar situation as you are. You have to start meeting people and being your awesome self, good luck!

The best sex is the unplanned sex.

The bit about your high sex drive is a fair point, but don't assume someone doesn't desire children just because they're asexual.

I want children, and I'm ace.

my approach to this is really to wait for the girl, im currently 20 going on 21 and have had three serious relationships...the first one i was in, the girl moved slowly due to the fact that she just lost whom she thought to be the man of her dreams, but she never let it show. she always cuddled up to me and kissed me when i didnt expect it, and i enjoyed that so i never pushed the issue. the second girlfriend i had was a significant time later, and she was very open and even suggested making out topless two weeks into our relationship, so i happily obliged but after that experience she decided that she wanst much for sex and ended the relationship. i felt used but i quickly got over it and found a new girl, who was honestly a bit of a prude, and recoiled a bit whenever i touched her. we sat down a few weeks and i asked. and she admitted to being a dating novice. by the time that relationship ended she was a lot more open and had more than a couple times gotten a little frisky with me. so i apologize for rambling and long story short it all depends on the girl

The hard part about meeting people is that people that have the same interests as me or sexually compatible always have dealbreakers like "believes in God", "Republican", "not a vegan", etc. The ones that don't have those dealbreakers are mostly religious fundamentalists (not me at all either). Yet I can't just pretend to be someone else.