Roman wrote:
Then what about the situations when they DO express interest and get turned down? I know in some of such caases they "waited too long" to express interest. But still, even if they did it late, if woman likes him why can't she say "okay finally he made a move, lets be with him now". I mean suppose I really want to eat and don't have food; but then I get food in few hours. I won't say "too late, I have already given up on eating so I won't eat it".
Getting turned down is not the same as being treated badly. And a lot of people don't seem to realize that even guys that do well with women get more negative responses than positive. People don't realize this because those so-called "jerks" don't dwell on the rejections, instead they dust themselves off and try again.
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Now lets turn our attention to the case when a guy "never" makes a move (just so we can neatly separate different questions for our convenience). Also, lets say, for the sake of the argument, that your description is correct: suppose woman actually likes the guy. In this case, the only thing that stops her from making a move is "gender stereotype" that a man should be the first to make a move. Now, the fact that "jerks" do better than "nice guys" is another gender stereotype: a man should be manly (and nice guy isn't). So ironically what you say and what "nice guys" say is really just two different sides of the same coin: fulfilling gender roles is more important than true love. This is really what I have the most issues with.
I agree that the world would be a happier place if gender roles were less strict. Or, better yet, non-existant. But, unfair as it is, it is the way things are. Unfortunately, if a guy wants to meet women, he needs to be willing to make the first move. Even if it goes against his natural instincts. A willingness to to follow the "rules" in order to not be alone does not make someone a jerk.
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But we are talking about numbers here. A jerk has a bunch of friends and a bunch of enemies, so when enemies hurt him the firends will be telling him what kinds of so and so that other guy is for saying such "crap". On the other hand, a nice guy has no friends at all. Most people ignore him, and a few hurt him. Since the few who hurt him are the only interaction he has, that naturally becomes the only part of his experience.
If someone has a bunch of genuine friends, people who will go out of their way to make him feel better when he's treated badly, then he's probably not such a jerk. As for being ignored by most, and hurt by a few, that is not a sign that the guy is "nice." It is a sign that he needs to work on his social skills.
_________________
If life's not beautiful without the pain,
well I'd just rather never ever even see beauty again.
Well as life gets longer, awful feels softer.
And it feels pretty soft to me.
Modest Mouse - The View
05 Nov 2011, 3:42 pm
