how much should a guy spend on a woman?

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5 pence, half a potato and a button

QFT

I would repeat something here which I actually heard mostly from women, warning men about certain women:
Beware that there are women out there who, more than anything else, like men to spend money on them. As in that is the only, or at least main, part of the "relationship" (if you want to call it that) which certain women are interested in. Guys need to beware of this not only to avoid a broken heart, but also to keep from suddenly finding themselves penniless at the same time -- since they would have spent all their money on her while wearing their "love goggles" which prevented them from seeing straight.

So, really try to evaluate whether the particular woman in question is the type who is all about money. Look at her spending habits -- does she spend her money more on wise things or foolish things? Is she overly showy in the way she dresses and presents herself in general? Such women will always speak of love, flutter their eyes at their men and the like, but it MAY all come down to money, as far as they are concerned. Always watch for whether she gets very dramatic if you signal any change in your spending on her, as if it is always a life-or-death / make-or-break situation for the relationship.

Obviously, by my saying "some women", that is exactly what I mean; there are true-hearted ones out there for sure -- I'm married to one. She is not about money at all, so I know there are others like her. If a woman is all about money, send her on her way, because there ARE men whom she's perfect for: rich guys who prefer the upper hand in a relationship due to their wealth. They prefer women they can "buy", or control through money, and some women so much love being spent on, that they don't care that the man calls all the shots. Kind of sad, but there it is -- they're compatible, and they deserve each other.

That's admirable.

As an aside:
I think that one rule that really is meant to be broken is the manditory custom of a man -- even when he is quite poor -- being fully expected to plunk down thousands of dollars on a diamond to show his love for his fiancé. (I have been this man.) I told my second (who still is my) wife, "How about instead of spending nearly all of what is about to be our money on the biggest rock we can possibly afford, how about we use that same money to enhance our lives in productive and practical ways to enhance our lifestyles as we begin our new life together?" Yes, I get an "F" in sweet talk, but my wife agreed because of the logical person she is. We've never regretted that decision to break with tradition.

I also said something similar to her about not having a big, fancy, expensive wedding: "Many couples who have had the most lavish weddings imaginable divorce a few years later, and the chief cause of divorce is financial problems and disagreements. How about this: Instead of being one of those husbands who spends big on the wedding, and then turns out to be a better groom than husband, I'll be your completely-faithful and lifelong man, take care of you forever, and we will have a modest, private wedding." She felt that was the better deal. Not that she didn't want the best of both worlds, of course , but there was no money to be spent anyway -- I was and still am poor.

(Sorry for borrowing the thread; I'll give it back now.)

i would like to see engagement rings phased out. i don't really get the point.

my former husband and i could not afford it (our finances were combined so it was would have been a joint decision), but i really did not want one anyways. years later he asked me if i wanted to get one since we finally had the money, and i had trouble convincing him i was not interested in bling. he honestly thought i was pretending i didn't want it. the social forces are strong.

1. how many dates should the man pay for?
2. is a cheap first date offensive or logical?
3. how far into the relationship until expensive gifts should be given?

My answer-
1. It should depend on who asked who out, the person who initially asked the other one out should pay for the first one and then it should be halfed or taken in equal turns depending on the couples feelings towards whether men should take a more fiancial role or if one of the them is less well off than the other.
2. depends by what you mean as cheap, a simple walk together along a beach or visiting a free attraction isnt wrong att all. you take your partner to a horrible greasy place with disgusting food cos its cheap then yes thats wrong. But dates dont always have to include money. If i had a partner i would just love hanging out at home snuggled on sofa with them watching tv, with either a home made meal or take out, doesnt bother me. (takes outs all the time tho wud get sickening and would add several inches to my thighs so thats a no no lol)
3. Why the need for expensive gifts? I dont even like valatines much, surely you dont want to be with some one who marks your worth by the amount u can spend on a present? yes a gift on a birthday, special occasion etc is nice but a gift is more special if its meaningful. my dad gave my mum a semi precious ring as a random 'i love you, sorry i left my car unlocked and ur stuff got nicked' present and she values that more than her engagment ring even tho thats more expensive because it symbolises his first symbol of deep love for her and the trip they were on when he bought it.

MONEY MEANS VERY LITTLE IN LOVE PEOPLE!

On the subject of rings, I think my most expensive ring between my two marriages was something like $230. That ring shows $300 on their site now but I think I remember it being lower... anyway, the one I wear now was $100 on ebay and has a cubic zirconium instead of a diamond. Who cares? Both of them are the coolest rings I've ever seen and no one ever has them for wedding rings which make them even cooler (imo).

As for weddings the first one was more traditional (at the request of my now ex husband) and cost $3,000 from top to bottom (room rental, decorations, dress, tux, sound equipment, food, etc) because I was extremely frugal when planning it. The second was a justice of the peace + in-home gathering with finger foods and probably cost a few hundred.

I really don't see the purpose of spending lots of money on those things, like Ragtime said, you just start your lives together in debt.

I've seen in the media that many women look down on a man who doesn't spend "enough" on them. This attitude would not fly with me if I were a male and even though I am a female I find it very hard to accept presents and would advise people to not waste their money on me. (On a very personal note: I mentioned previously that my in-laws bought me presents for my birthday. I cried to my husband about this for a good hour because I was extremely unhappy at the expense and fuss that was being made over me.)

I'd question the motives/ethics of anyone who wanted expensive things just for the sake of having them or living up to social expectations. This includes expensive first dates or birthday presents. Again, to each his own, that's just how I feel about it.

Excellent.

I really feel sorry for men when it comes to this issue! It must be so confusing. Some women expect to be paid for and others hate it. I actually have female friends who offer to go dutch and then secretly get angry when their date doesn’t insist on paying for everything. It’s completely ridiculous!

I personally don’t like being paid for. It makes me feel extremely uncomfortable. I would seriously prefer to be the sugar mama! But I've had to get used to guys paying for me because I guess it's still the norm. I just try to remember to be flattered when a date offers to pay for me. I guess it’s because I’m a feminist. It seems illogical to demand equality in every other area of life and then turn around and expect that a man take care of me financially.

HOWEVER, I’m not at all a typical female. Every female friend I have completely disagrees with me. They EXPECT to be paid for. My advice to any guy who wants to impress their date is to always insist on paying twice. Make it very clear that you want to pay for her. Just to be on the safe side you should only split the bill if she has insisted on it at least two to three times.

This might be unfair, but when it comes to dating you have to ‘bait your hook to catch the fish’, and the majority of women still like to be paid for.

Most of my female friends who expect to be paid for are really lovely. They aren’t materialistic or gold diggers. I think their feelings are just hurt when their date doesn’t offer to pay for them; they seem to interpret it as a signal that the guy isn’t really that into them.

I think that paying for a woman on a date is just one of many ways a man can show his interest in a woman. If you don't have the financial resources to take your date anywhere extravagant try to make up for it in other ways. Open doors for her, let her choose where she wants to sit, give her compliments, come up with a thoughtful date which is inexpensive, don't perve on other women in front of her and always call her when you say you will. Basically just be a nice guy and have good manners!

Even though I don't want to be paid for I really hate 'cheap' first dates like coffee..that might just be a personal thing though..argh coffee dates are so awkward! When a guy asks me to coffee I always feel like he must be dating so many women that he has to hold mini coffee date interviews before you get a proper date .

I don't remember I ever let the guy pay. It's not that I insisted on paying, but all of the guys were as broke as I was. So maybe I paid for something and they paid another time. I don't have a clue. I don't really pay attention to these things. Are they important?

I agree with this. This is one of the things that really irritates me about the majority of the female population. They aren't actually fighting for equality anymore, they're asking for favortism. I've argued vehmently with boyfriends in the past when they tried to open doors for me or pull out my chair or other such "chivalrous" nonsense. Those things are sexism and desrcimination. Most people (male and female) that I have expressed these veiws to are shocked. They seem to think that discrimination only applies when it is unfavorable.

Time together is for bonding. I think of chivalry as a form of flirting.



Logic over romance. Although some people consider eloping to be very romantic.
Spin control.

Also. Sometimes her parents will pay for the wedding.



I heard a rumor that it is a scam started by African diamond mines.

To be honest, men don't really see me as female, so they don't really try do the whole chivalrous stuff. I don't know why. I'm not masculine at all. But in short, I don't know what is like and I'm not used to it, so I don't expect it. A man paying for dates goes along with it. I just never expected guys to act that way.

Eep I don't know how to quote properly!

I know. It’s so frustrating how much time and energy my female friends waste on getting upset over whether a guy paid for them on a date when there are so many inequalities that women face which they could be fighting against instead.

But this is why I feel bad for men. There aren’t any rules to follow when it comes to dating etiquette anymore. Some women love chivalry and others hate it.

I personally love it when someone opens a door for me, to me it's just good manners. I find myself opening doors for people all the time even though I'm a girl; particularly if they’re carrying something heavy. But you and many other women have the totally opposite view and see it as sexist. I'd much rather a man do chivalrous things for me such as open a door, offer to carry something heavy for me or walk me to my front door when it's dark rather than spend their money on me. In general women tend to be physically weaker and more 'vulnerable' to being attacked and things like that which is why I have this view. However, just because I appreciate those things doesn't mean that I expect them.

I personally don't think you should argue with men when they act chivalrous. I find most guys are pretty happy to let me split the bill with them so I don’t really find that I need to have an argument with them about it.

Obviously when men (or women) act sexist in a disrespectful way I’ll say something about it, but there are much worse inequalities than chivalry to be getting upset over.

a man should spend as much money on a first date as he seams fit

Much of society is build around this assumption.