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Living together before marriage?

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Fnord
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13 Feb 2012, 3:15 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Yes. At least a legal marriage over-rides the aspect of paying for sexual gratification, even though marriage is the single most common factor in all divorces.
not sure what you're saying here.

Marriage does not eliminate sex-for-favors transactions, but only sanctions them under the license of marriage.

And only for the duration of the marriage.



hyperlexian
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13 Feb 2012, 3:41 pm

Fnord wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Yes. At least a legal marriage over-rides the aspect of paying for sexual gratification, even though marriage is the single most common factor in all divorces.
not sure what you're saying here.

Marriage does not eliminate sex-for-favors transactions, but only sanctions them under the license of marriage.

And only for the duration of the marriage.

i don't do sex for favours, either within the context of marriage or outside of it. most people don't, so i guess it doesn't really apply. for most couples, sex is something they enjoy together, not a transaction. i'm sorry if that hasn't been your experience because it can be a beautiful thing.


and shrox :oops: sheesh, thanks


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Fnord
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13 Feb 2012, 3:45 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
Fnord wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Yes. At least a legal marriage over-rides the aspect of paying for sexual gratification, even though marriage is the single most common factor in all divorces.
not sure what you're saying here.
Marriage does not eliminate sex-for-favors transactions, but only sanctions them under the license of marriage. And only for the duration of the marriage.
i don't do sex for favours, either within the context of marriage or outside of it. most people don't, so i guess it doesn't really apply. for most couples, sex is something they enjoy together, not a transaction. i'm sorry if that hasn't been your experience because it can be a beautiful thing...

My first marriage was very transactional. My current marriage is loving. The difference is "night and day".



Erisad
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13 Feb 2012, 3:53 pm

Tuttle wrote:
To bring this back to the OP, personally, what I'm most worried about in your situation is the fact that you're talking about this at 7 months. Usually, that's a period of time that is still in the honeymoon phase - the brain chemicals tend to change at about 1 year (when it particular varies person to person though.) Making a commitment like this puts it into you being used to living with them before you know whether the relationship will last once those feels have warn off.

By which I mean, just be careful.

(I live with my boyfriend (now in a one bedroom apartment without others in the apartment), and we first lived together (formally, with other people) after a year and a few months. We were uncomfortable about doing so at that point, but my parents wanted me to, because they didn't want to pay increased rent for us to find separate apartments. Both of us would default to about 2 years together is an appropriate amount of time before moving in together for people in their early 20s.)


I don't know, I never had a relationship last this long. I'm not talking about doing it right now, it was a hypothetical discussion for when we were at about 1.5-2 years. I may end up taking him up on the offer pending on my home and job situation. I figure we should be out of the "honeymoon phase" by then anyway. What does that mean anyway? Does that mean I won't love him as much as I do now just because we've been together longer? O.o

Also, he's 27, so he's a bit older than me so I guess he would be more ready for that than me. I don't know. Right about now, I want the f**k out of my house. There's always yelling here. Why are Christians the angriest people? D:



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13 Feb 2012, 5:21 pm

Erisad wrote:
I figure we should be out of the "honeymoon phase" by then anyway. What does that mean anyway?

...

Why are Christians the angriest people? D:



It means that you guys will have spent enough time around each other to most likely have let your guard down and shown each other your less desirable qualities. In other words, you'll have a better idea what life together will really be like on a day to day basis.

As for your second point...cognitive dissonance is a real headache, can you blame them for being touchy?



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13 Feb 2012, 5:23 pm

justalouise wrote:
Erisad wrote:
I figure we should be out of the "honeymoon phase" by then anyway. What does that mean anyway?

...

Why are Christians the angriest people? D:



It means that you guys will have spent enough time around each other to most likely have let your guard down and shown each other your less desirable qualities. In other words, you'll have a better idea what life together will really be like on a day to day basis.

As for your second point...cognitive dissonance is a real headache, can you blame them for being touchy?


Well, we already can fart around each other and not be embarrassed, is that a step in the right direction? :lol:

I guess so. :lol:



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13 Feb 2012, 6:12 pm

I was christened and I am happy. Doesn't that make me a happy christian?


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shrox
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13 Feb 2012, 6:16 pm

Fnord wrote:
...My current marriage is loving...


I am really glad to hear that. I've been trying to "figure you out" so we can discuss interesting topics without the vagaries that seem to plague the fun of discussion.



Erisad
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13 Feb 2012, 6:21 pm

PastFixations wrote:
I was christened and I am happy. Doesn't that make me a happy christian?


I was christened as a child and baptized but I am no longer a Christian. I got fed up with the hypocrisy and abandoned religion in general. I'm sure there are some happy Christians but somehow I feel that they aren't as hardcore as the zealots. :shrug:



Dilbert
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13 Feb 2012, 8:41 pm

Actually you MUST. Test drive before you commit. ;)

There's one thing worse than being alone and that's marring a wrong person. Just ask any divorcee.



Erisad
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13 Feb 2012, 8:43 pm

Dilbert wrote:
Actually you MUST. Test drive before you commit. ;)

There's one thing worse than being alone and that's marring a wrong person. Just ask any divorcee.


Fair enough. I can mention this to the folks if the discussion were to come up. :)



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13 Feb 2012, 9:12 pm

Quote:
marring


HAAAH! I wonder what would Freud say about that. :D

Anyhow, definitely move in with a partner.

Meet, then a date, then dating (plural), then relationship, then live together, and then if you survive all that without too many bumps you can talk marriage and maybe kids.

Omit one of those links in the chain and Bad Things(tm) can happen.



shrox
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13 Feb 2012, 9:16 pm

Dilbert wrote:
Quote:
marring


HAAAH! I wonder what would Freud say about that. :D

Anyhow, definitely move in with a partner.

Meet, then a date, then dating (plural), then relationship, then live together, and then if you survive all that without too many bumps you can talk marriage and maybe kids.

Omit one of those links in the chain and Bad Things(tm) can happen.


Maybe it was a Freudian nightgown, I mean slip.



Erisad
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13 Feb 2012, 9:21 pm

Dilbert wrote:
Quote:
marring


HAAAH! I wonder what would Freud say about that. :D

Anyhow, definitely move in with a partner.

Meet, then a date, then dating (plural), then relationship, then live together, and then if you survive all that without too many bumps you can talk marriage and maybe kids.

Omit one of those links in the chain and Bad Things(tm) can happen.


Well...we're in the relationship portion of it so yeah. We'll see where we are in a year from now and maybe we'll be living together. :)



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15 Feb 2012, 11:47 am

Erisad wrote:

I don't know, I never had a relationship last this long. I'm not talking about doing it right now, it was a hypothetical discussion for when we were at about 1.5-2 years. I may end up taking him up on the offer pending on my home and job situation.


That makes sense :)

Quote:
I figure we should be out of the "honeymoon phase" by then anyway. What does that mean anyway? Does that mean I won't love him as much as I do now just because we've been together longer? O.o


Not that you'd love him any less, but that the brain chemicals will be different, which means its less new and special and more long term and stable (and special for its own reasons, not because its new).



Erisad
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15 Feb 2012, 11:49 am

Tuttle wrote:
Erisad wrote:

I don't know, I never had a relationship last this long. I'm not talking about doing it right now, it was a hypothetical discussion for when we were at about 1.5-2 years. I may end up taking him up on the offer pending on my home and job situation.


That makes sense :)

Quote:
I figure we should be out of the "honeymoon phase" by then anyway. What does that mean anyway? Does that mean I won't love him as much as I do now just because we've been together longer? O.o


Not that you'd love him any less, but that the brain chemicals will be different, which means its less new and special and more long term and stable (and special for its own reasons, not because its new).


Ohhh, okay. That sounds good. I like long term and stable. :)