Okcupid tip- if they ignore you deliberately... ;).

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Based on the ladies's responses here, I would say 'Chronos' as reply in the "Which WP member would you date' thread.

and you folks are talking about a totally different scenario - which is the initial messages thing. Read my OP again.

I think you've misunderstood (or perhaps I wasn't clear). What's entitled is DEMANDING a response. Nobody ever DESERVES a response, ever. It's courtesy which makes each of us extend a response. That's all. Sorry if I was unclear.

And I was also trying to explain that after a while, you just learn to block the dangerous ones. For the ones who did not respond after my 'thanks, but no thanks', I of course did not block them. That's a normal, courteous human being (him, and me) exchange.

I do agree that the type of person that would demand a reply is likely the type that will be semi dangerous and end up blocked anyways.

I'd love to see what would happen if gender roles were magically reversed one day. Would the women speaking out for women end up being like the lonely guys and vice versa?

Well, for what it's worth, I also wrote a lot of guys and got canned responses and polite "thanks, but no thanks" responses most of the time. I also got ignored and even "rewinked" at by men who had rejected me before. Just shows that they line up pictures and indiscriminately wink at anyone remotely in their "looks" scale, which is so dehumanizing (as the girl, I mean) and demoralizing (to anyone online dating).

I eventually gave up on online dating not because I got involved with someone but because I worked it and worked it and worked it and ended up with no one I could connect with (and I really tried! I did!). But I did not get bitter or evil or antisocial or anything. I just realized that it's not a medium that would work for me. It's nobody's fault, really, but if it had to be anyone's, it's mine.

P.S. I'm still friends with two guys I met through online dating. They're fantastic human beings who I just happen to have no romantic feelings for (and they have none for me).

You are talking about initial responses though. I think Boo was talking about people who you've already been chatting to for a while and then stop responding, for some or other reason. Yes, it's perfectly fine to ignore an initial message if you are not interested and you also have a right to block them if they start getting nasty if reject them. No-ones denying that.

That being said, if someone suddenly stops replying replying to my messages without apparent reason, I usually send a another polite one after about a week. I don't demand anything.

Not necessarily. A lot of men do that because they have not been successful with other women on the site. So they message people who they may have rejected before because they know they were interested in them before.

Jono, I've been lurk-following your dating for a while, I absolutely believe you're one of the polite, well-meant daters where you are. I would absolutely treat as benign a follow-up e-mail from you. Please don't think I mean you (or anyone in this thread, if you behave well online).

I have had friends who ignore my e-mails from time to time. Sending more e-mails is not the way to get their attention. We're all busy (well, among my friends, most are very busy, too busy with careers, their home, their families, their children, their churches, etc.). I think what I said applies no matter what. No one DESERVES a response, ever. It is courteous to extend one. I myself have at times written something like this: "Hey, {X}, thanks so much for your e-mail. I'm swamped right now, but I'll get back to you when I can." If someone is too intense in their pursuit, though, or expects too much out of our friendship, then when I do get back to them by e-mail I will be less engaging, less friendly. It's a way to erect boundaries when someone else has crossed them too much. Does that make sense? It could be that this woman Boo's been corresponding with had just had enough of his friendship at that moment. I have no way of knowing, we only have his side of the story, but I've certainly been in both sides of that situation before.

Well uhh if I am online and something comes up, I'm probably going to be more focused on that than making sure to set my status to away or whatever. If someone started giving me crap for my thing not saying away or whatever, I'd get pissed at them to for thinking my first priority should be making sure my status is always correct.

Also its kind of manipulative to try and corner someone into talking...but maybe you don't mean it the way it sounds?

What Boo described is simply being assertive. Often women will ignore men if they feel that he just wants validation. Since Boo was assertive, that changed things. "Oh, perhaps I misjudged him" Don't be afraid to be honest. Honesty works better than lying does. Lying works better in a broader sense, but honesty is much more impressive and takes you much farther.

For example, I asked my friends sister for her number after I saw her naked by accident, and she gave it to me. We talked a few times a week. She was probably impressed by the fact that I was honest (implicitly) about wanting her number because she looks good sans clothes. Another time I told a girl that she seemed interesting, but I conceded that being pretty makes her a little more interesting (wink) and that I would like to get coffee with her sometime. She asked where, and I said that I don't know because I don't drink coffee. I then said that I like hot chocolate and we should go to Starbucks. She said OK, but skipped out a day later. But I was honest about why I was talking to her, and so it worked.

Another thing I don't respond to messeges that say things like 'hey, sexy.' I usually just delete those....should I be obligated to respond to them or am I in the right in just deleting it.

I mean thing is I don't want some dude who's just about sex, and now that I've come to the conclusion I don't even like sex I probably don't want a guy interested in it period. I suppose I ought to update my profile and make that very clear......but yeah I only respond if someone has something intresting to say and I like what I see on their profile.

Well, there's assertive, and then there's creepy. These (bolded) are just plain creepy to me. Just my opinion, but I do think it's important not to lump all women under one roof as all behaving the same.

I don't think it is ever good to lie to a female about your intentions at all.....it really feels bad for the female when they realize you where just trying to get in their pants after all by saying things they wanted to hear or whatever.

I know what the whole wink thing feels like, happened to me on another site. I recieved a wink and sent a message. got ignored. then later got another sent (both without looking at my profile). Its not just a girl thing

Those are fine to ignore completely. Its the ones that take time to read your profile, find something interesting to talk about and TRY to have a good first appearance that I believe should be given at minimum a closing response.

Heres a wild thought:
If someone ignores you, you shoud just ignore them back.

I mean yes you could try to shame her and blahblahblah but its my experience that eventually they´ll go back to ignoring you.

Think about this: Would you put up with this behaviour from someone that you arent interested in dating?. The answer is most than likely no, and guess what by calling the other person out on their sh*t theres no chance of things working out between you two. There wasnt one priorly either but at least you didnt waste time writing a message to someone that has shown that they have little to no respect to you.


I understand that some people can be busy and that happens to everyone but you know what? every single person thats worth having in my life has this tendency to let me know that they are busy with a short message instead of just keeping me expecting an answer forever and getting madder at them.

Yes it sucks to be ignored but Id rather do something productive with my time like finding someone worth talking to .

Im quite sure that someone doing this isnt expecting the person doing the ignoring to magically start talking and fall in love.