19 May 2012, 11:17 pm
There are three things this thread seems to be missing which are key to friendships:
Sincerity
Modesty
Consistency
Sincerity:
As hyperlexian says, if you aren't looking for love, this is not a love and dating thing it's a social thing. You have made a case for you being heterosexual and your demands as such being a heterosexual. There also seems to be this push for getting females to advise you rather than guys. This intensity regarding female interaction is most likely not exclusive to this board (see modesty). I know it would be very helpful to get their perspective but remember some of us guys have had the same problems and are simply wanting you not to repeat some of the mistakes we made. It might help to listen to us now and again even if our advice sounds harsh. We're guys, we can be harsh. And sorry for that 
plus if women see you ignoring fairly identical advice to what the guy is giving you simply because they don't have boobs they might also see your plea as insincere and not advise you at all.
Modesty:
Throughout there are various defences to character and actions. I too had a fragile ego. Sometimes it's best to break it and rebuild. At the end of the day it helps to be modest especially here. We are all here because we aren't perfect by NT definition and we can't pretend to each other that we are and it's the world at fault. We may be on the wrong planet, but that doesn't mean anyone on it that doesn't bend to our will isn't a right minded person end of the day, if you didn't have any social problems to tackle, this thread wouldn't exist and even those immature girls would have friended you by now.
Consistency:
You either want a girlfriend or you don't. And no girl is a mind reader. If you're single and want a girlfriend and look at girls a lot and your friends know this, it will get around. The girls will not know if they are the one you are going to try and make a pass at, friend with an alternate agenda, or simply just want to be friends with. That's why the "I have a bf" defence kicks in. This is where you make it clear you also want friends cos you're fairly new to the uni still. But if you sort of fumble when they say this, then move on to other women it only feeds their assumptions and this will be gossiped about. Women talk. And you don't want to be "that funny guy in class that keeps trying to talk to all the women". This was once my friend, and while he was a cool guy when with the guys, you really don't want to be him lol. If you want to know what happened to him, he eventually found a gf after like 8 years of constant trying and doing/thinking what you did and that's also his first time, and will probably be his only girlfriend. And there's no time for us any more even when there's days without anything going on. Not cool.
I hope it all goes well for you at the new uni, Matt, but remember the three things above will help you.
If you take that on board you're getting there. If your instant reaction is "but i am super modest! the girls are hot but i only want to be their friend..for now..cos im not looking for a gf but i am" then it might be time to think of putting the friends with women thing on the backburner for a little bit and have fun with the friends you have already.
19 May 2012, 11:49 pm
Sincerity
Modesty
Consistency
Sincerity:
As hyperlexian says, if you aren't looking for love, this is not a love and dating thing it's a social thing. You have made a case for you being heterosexual and your demands as such being a heterosexual. There also seems to be this push for getting females to advise you rather than guys. This intensity regarding female interaction is most likely not exclusive to this board (see modesty). I know it would be very helpful to get their perspective but remember some of us guys have had the same problems and are simply wanting you not to repeat some of the mistakes we made. It might help to listen to us now and again even if our advice sounds harsh. We're guys, we can be harsh. And sorry for that
plus if women see you ignoring fairly identical advice to what the guy is giving you simply because they don't have boobs they might also see your plea as insincere and not advise you at all.Modesty:
Throughout there are various defences to character and actions. I too had a fragile ego. Sometimes it's best to break it and rebuild. At the end of the day it helps to be modest especially here. We are all here because we aren't perfect by NT definition and we can't pretend to each other that we are and it's the world at fault. We may be on the wrong planet, but that doesn't mean anyone on it that doesn't bend to our will isn't a right minded person
end of the day, if you didn't have any social problems to tackle, this thread wouldn't exist and even those immature girls would have friended you by now.Consistency:
You either want a girlfriend or you don't. And no girl is a mind reader. If you're single and want a girlfriend and look at girls a lot and your friends know this, it will get around. The girls will not know if they are the one you are going to try and make a pass at, friend with an alternate agenda, or simply just want to be friends with. That's why the "I have a bf" defence kicks in. This is where you make it clear you also want friends cos you're fairly new to the uni still. But if you sort of fumble when they say this, then move on to other women it only feeds their assumptions and this will be gossiped about. Women talk. And you don't want to be "that funny guy in class that keeps trying to talk to all the women". This was once my friend, and while he was a cool guy when with the guys, you really don't want to be him lol. If you want to know what happened to him, he eventually found a gf after like 8 years of constant trying and doing/thinking what you did and that's also his first time, and will probably be his only girlfriend. And there's no time for us any more even when there's days without anything going on. Not cool.
I hope it all goes well for you at the new uni, Matt, but remember the three things above will help you.
If you take that on board you're getting there. If your instant reaction is "but i am super modest! the girls are hot but i only want to be their friend..for now..cos im not looking for a gf but i am" then it might be time to think of putting the friends with women thing on the backburner for a little bit and have fun with the friends you have already.
holy hades, yes!! !
AussieMatty
Velociraptor
Joined: 21 Mar 2012
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 404
Location: Townsville, Queensland
20 May 2012, 2:06 am
20 May 2012, 2:33 am
Didn't realised that I am so dumb. I can't stop jealously of seeing other people spend good quality time. Why wouldn't work to me? Well because I am dumb.
Does women with AS would see past my 'dumbness' compared to normal women in general?
Sorry, my mistake about uni
but hey you can still be in a position where you need friends right?
And nah you're not dumb.
I think an aspie might help though.
AussieMatty
Velociraptor
Joined: 21 Mar 2012
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 404
Location: Townsville, Queensland
20 May 2012, 2:51 am
Didn't realised that I am so dumb. I can't stop jealously of seeing other people spend good quality time. Why wouldn't work to me? Well because I am dumb.
Does women with AS would see past my 'dumbness' compared to normal women in general?
Sorry, my mistake about uni
but hey you can still be in a position where you need friends right?And nah you're not dumb.
I think an aspie might help though.I thought I really had friends in past few years here. I get people hang out with me, but nothing return in favour. I always the one get left out and behind on the right centre of the social circle. Is the world missing me too much or just don't care too much?
I used to make friends with aspie women before, they always not interested in me. It makes me feel too limited and crunched in between to brick walls. Again, the exclusion comes from them as well. No one ever ever ever understand me at all. Not one slight person does. They just run away and try to kill me in wrong world. No wonder why suicidal rates so high for aspies because the way of people approach and attitude towards me.
I learnt that in population demography classes, they mentioned in the census results as a research saying that if the person is unmarried or single for rest of his or her life. The less healthier the person is, life expectancy reduced by 65% of average age of 82. This is because marriages and couples look after each others and stuff.
So, why I am still single and have no friends including guys. Because they all always see me as hard working person try to communicate with. I am hearing impaired, not all speech out of the people's mouth is clear to me. This is because everyone speech is usually not clear enough for me, or even not loud enough as well. That is why people don't want me to be involved, or in relationship with a women because of bad communication and that etc.
Don't you get it how hard my life is really? You don't want me to kill myself because of how sh***y people gives me?
Why I talk about women? Well why not? Why I wouldn't be friends with them? Why they would not being friends with me? Why they would not marry me? Well one perfect solution that is I HAVE AN UNCUREABLE PROBLEM....I used capital letters because it highlights the solution. Don't you want me to waste my life living with an awesome 110k/year job, single bedroom/household, one car, no friends, no marriage certificates, no generations and that etc?
What I am trying to do is, getting out of the cursed world position. Thought that this uni is giving me too hard times. Culture up here is alcohol and hippies. The more people socializing in alcohol world is the more they get into delayed position of not understanding me. Hence I could not understand them at all, because they kept mixing situations up too much.
So what worries me so much, for going to US for working holiday (as everyone does know about it here on WP) is having no friends. I wouldn't be surprised that they would be shocked for my poor communication and social skills. Which that is going to turn them off, hence giving me repetitive hard times like being at uni.
I am not being negative here. I just know it what is going on.
20 May 2012, 8:49 am
AussieMatty
Velociraptor
Joined: 21 Mar 2012
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 404
Location: Townsville, Queensland
20 May 2012, 6:29 pm
20 May 2012, 8:24 pm
AussieMatty
Velociraptor
Joined: 21 Mar 2012
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 404
Location: Townsville, Queensland
20 May 2012, 9:31 pm
20 May 2012, 10:03 pm
AussieMatty
Velociraptor
Joined: 21 Mar 2012
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 404
Location: Townsville, Queensland
21 May 2012, 12:08 am
| Similar Topics | |
|---|---|
| Hello Wrong Planet! |
03 Jul 2026, 1:53 pm |
| wrong planet is back! |
07 Aug 2026, 6:54 pm |
| Is it wrong to talk about personal issues at work? |
Yesterday, 2:15 pm |
