Have you ever changed your mind?

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You're missing an important part of this statement.

Aspies loathe change that they cannot control.

Right, NicoleG - I can relate to that. The kind of destabilizing changes I couldn't deal with were huge, scary things my Aspie would never do, or at least certainly not without extensive prior consultation. With my ex, I didn't care so much about the material items themselves. What bothered me was that (a) I was rarely informed beforehand, and (b) every decision was on a whim. He could skillfully rationalize anything, but there was never a genuinely good reason to do, or undo, anything. Everything was subject to the trash bin, including people and friendships, which created a sense of tremendous uncertainty and instability. The only thing that drove him was immediate gratification. He couldn't stick with anything long enough to feel a sense of accomplishment. The end result is that nothing in his life has any meaning or significance. His answer to frustration is always the same: give up and smash it to tiny bits. He once got angry and sold my car, and left me without the resources to buy another. I came to think of him as one of those locust alien races, sucking a planet's resources dry before moving on to the next.

My Aspie is nothing like that! Nothing is more important to him than keeping the people in his life - because, unlike my ex, he has so much trouble developing relationships to begin with. He also has genuinely good reasons for his decisions, and if they will impact another person, he is considerate enough to ask before making them. Now, he changed his mind on me a couple of months ago, and it really messed me up. But he was aware of that, felt awful, and did the best he could to soften the impact. I doubt he'll let that happen again.

I don't mean to derail the thread, ILMA! I just thought, since we're on the topic of changing one's mind, my ex is a good example of a compulsive mind-changer, and how that can be so incredibly destructive.

One of my roommates is dubbed The Queen of Chaos. Her life and the decisions she makes most times only ever make sense to her, yet she always expects everyone else to always agree with her. In her mind she never does wrong (and therefore never apologizes, but instead chastises when someone disagrees with her) and there's never an alternative to her way of thinking. She drives me bonkers.

I think, in a way, it's still all about level of control over one's environment, just expressed in different ways.

Last edited by NicoleG on 04 Jun 2012, 9:34 am, edited 2 times in total.

She sounds like a nightmare. I couldn't have her near me.

Even now, being in a relationship, I feel suffocated. I fall in love easy but living together is suffocating. I knew I would be ok by myself never getting married one day but I chose to be in a relationship.

A couple of my exes were all about control, and when they couldn't control me they blew fuses. I usually let them control me to a point, until I got tired of giving in and decided to stand up for myself, and when I decide to put my foot down, I WILL NOT be deterred. I'm now in self-defense classes because standing up to someone bigger or stronger or better armed has some pretty bad consequences if you don't know how to defend against that.

I've learned that as much as it may cause some guys to back away from me, I'm better off exerting my true self up front. Letting them have their way for a little while only has worse results later when I finally get tired of it. It's my way of weeding out the weaklings that think mentally or physically abusing their significant other is okay.

This is why I'm looking for my own place now. I made the stupid mistake of spending money on games and movies over the past 5 years, so I'm having to bite the bullet and see what kind of savings I have scrounged up before moving out, but I seriously need to get out of there soon. Our friendship is starting to feel the strain as I'm starting to feel more like a caged animal, as she's also the landlord and our heads are starting to butt against one another. I need to get out of there before I really lose it and end up losing a friend or two.

Last edited by NicoleG on 04 Jun 2012, 10:13 am, edited 1 time in total.

Delusional people just irritate the hell out of me.

My problem is that I can be ridiculously tolerant and patient for quite a long time, but not forever.

And it would also depend on the things that are being changed.

What made you chose to be in a relationship?

From experience I am guessing that's only the tip of the iceberg, right?

It's just incredibly frustrating to have someone pick arguments with you over stuff that makes no sense when they're being totally irrational. No one wins. I actually began to think I was losing my mind, and began to question if I was actually right.
She's completely out of control. She actually thinks that when she's depressed she's at her most normal and in control. She somehow has got it into her head that when she's not depressed she's weak, when in actual fact that's her at her most 'normal' and 'with it'. Nothing's based in logic anymore.
It's such a shame and it just makes me so unhappy thinking about her. She's on her way to a serious fall and she just cannot see it and pull up. I tried and tried. I saw her begin to slide over a period of three years, I stuck with her until it just exploded.

I'd love to hear how things are with you.