Who else here would feel kinda awkward dating another aspie?

Page 4 of 5 [ 77 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5  Next

scubasteve
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Dec 2009
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,001
Location: San Francisco

26 Sep 2012, 6:33 pm

It does feel awkward. But it's a shared awkwardness. We're perfectly comfortable being awkward together.



JanuaryMan
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jan 2012
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,359

26 Sep 2012, 6:36 pm

scubasteve wrote:
It does feel awkward. But it's a shared awkwardness. We're perfectly comfortable being awkward together.


This covers my thoughts on the matter, as well. Pair the right 2 aspies together and the awkwardtivity of it is shared peacefully, and not a sole burden :)



ayla
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 3 Aug 2010
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 165
Location: Argentina

27 Sep 2012, 6:11 pm

I've been dating an aspie for almost 2 years and I think it's great. We get each other and there is no need for weird explanations.



nick007
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 28,552
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in capitalistic military dictatorship called USA

27 Sep 2012, 7:20 pm

My 2nd girlfriend thought she was an Aspie & my current one thinks she might could be one too but she's not sure. It never felt awkward to me with either. I had met both on these forums & had gotten to know each other awhile before we met up. It didn't work out with my 2nd girlfriend because our relationship personalities were incomparable. She was very independent, liked doing her own thing a lot & had problems with emotional closeness; I'm dependent & kind of clingy & needy thou I am somewhat better now than what I was partly because I'm on anxiety & OCD medication. My current girlfriend's kind of the opposite of my 2nd one in those ways so we're more on the same level. I think I would have major problems with an NT girl because I'm very direct & straightforward & am oblivious to subtlety so a typical NT would find me rude & offensive & misinterpret a lot of what I say


_________________
"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"
~King Of The Hill


"Hear all, trust nothing"
~Ferengi Rule Of Acquisition #190
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition


WantToHaveALife
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Sep 2012
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,214
Location: California, United States

10 Oct 2012, 3:07 pm

I don't think I would



Stalk
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Jul 2012
Age: 47
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,157

10 Oct 2012, 3:25 pm

I don't know I haven't met a aspie woman yet. I don't think all the women on WP represents aspie woman in general. So if I was to make the assumption based of WP I would say maybe. I'm indecisive, which isn't helping :P
A lot of these women, are still coming into adulthood, they might be fully developed but I guess they are still finding themselves.



DogsWithoutHorses
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Apr 2012
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,146
Location: New York

10 Oct 2012, 5:46 pm

It's been pretty good for me so far. heck, just having the freedom to stim has been awesome


_________________
If your success is defined as being well adjusted to injustice and well adapted to indifference, then we don?t want successful leaders. We want great leaders- who are unbought, unbound, unafraid, and unintimidated to tell the truth.


WantToHaveALife
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Sep 2012
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,214
Location: California, United States

11 Oct 2012, 3:32 pm

DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
It's been pretty good for me so far. heck, just having the freedom to stim has been awesome


it sucks there are more male aspies than female aspies



ALguy1957
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 6 Sep 2012
Age: 68
Gender: Male
Posts: 105
Location: Alabama USA

12 Oct 2012, 2:38 am

yellowtamarin wrote:
BigBossMSF wrote:
I have mor ea desire to be normal than just be complacent with being segregated to dating aspies.

I don't think of it as a segregation. I wouldn't actively search for an aspie, specifically, to date. For me it is about finding someone who I have a common bond with, like you said in your original post, and I think I would tend to feel more connected with people who are in a similar place on the spectrum as me. By "spectrum" I mean the entire thing, including NTs. A lot of the things that I value in a partner are things that people at the more AS end tend to have, so by default I may end up with an aspie, and that wouldn't worry me.

Actually I tend to get along best with "cuspies", a term I learnt a couple of months ago which refers to those who are near the borderline, if there was such a thing. Who coined that term anyway? Hats off to you :D


That term may describe me too. I managed a few dates in the past 2 years already off of regular sites, so I don't have to find an aspie woman, but it may work better if I do (preferably borderline). Just don't see too many over 40 on these forums.



ValentineWiggin
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 May 2011
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,907
Location: Beneath my cat's paw

12 Oct 2012, 4:27 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:
DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
It's been pretty good for me so far. heck, just having the freedom to stim has been awesome


it sucks there are more male aspies than female aspies


Diagnosed, there are. :wink:


_________________
"Such is the Frailty
of the human Heart, that very few Men, who have no Property, have any Judgment of their own.
They talk and vote as they are directed by Some Man of Property, who has attached their Minds
to his Interest."


DogsWithoutHorses
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Apr 2012
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,146
Location: New York

12 Oct 2012, 5:10 pm

ValentineWiggin wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
It's been pretty good for me so far. heck, just having the freedom to stim has been awesome


it sucks there are more male aspies than female aspies


Diagnosed, there are. :wink:


It does suck that women are so underdiagnosed


_________________
If your success is defined as being well adjusted to injustice and well adapted to indifference, then we don?t want successful leaders. We want great leaders- who are unbought, unbound, unafraid, and unintimidated to tell the truth.


Tim_Tex
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Jul 2004
Age: 46
Gender: Male
Posts: 46,687
Location: Houston, Texas

12 Oct 2012, 6:45 pm

ValentineWiggin wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
It's been pretty good for me so far. heck, just having the freedom to stim has been awesome


it sucks there are more male aspies than female aspies


Diagnosed, there are. :wink:


And the diagnosis itself is going to be phased out when the DSM-5 is released in a few months.


_________________
Who’s better at math than a robot? They’re made of math!


DogsWithoutHorses
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Apr 2012
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,146
Location: New York

12 Oct 2012, 7:51 pm

Tim_Tex wrote:
ValentineWiggin wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
It's been pretty good for me so far. heck, just having the freedom to stim has been awesome


it sucks there are more male aspies than female aspies


Diagnosed, there are. :wink:


And the diagnosis itself is going to be phased out when the DSM-5 is released in a few months.


tangent:

well they're removing the distinction, since the only quantitative diagnostic difference had been age of first speech, I don't think that's a bad choice
they do need to do a better job id-ing non-typical presentations, but they already weren't doing that before the change
I ID as autistic anyway for political reasons so I admittedly don't really have a stake in it


_________________
If your success is defined as being well adjusted to injustice and well adapted to indifference, then we don?t want successful leaders. We want great leaders- who are unbought, unbound, unafraid, and unintimidated to tell the truth.


BlueMax
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Aug 2007
Age: 52
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,285

12 Oct 2012, 7:58 pm

DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
ValentineWiggin wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
It's been pretty good for me so far. heck, just having the freedom to stim has been awesome


it sucks there are more male aspies than female aspies


Diagnosed, there are. :wink:


It does suck that women are so underdiagnosed


You think it might be because women are generally considered the more social gender? In the same way men don't want to report being abused by their wives because they're supposed to be the stronger gender? Generalizations, I know, but common enough to be of consideration. Would women be MORE embarassed about social difficulties when they're expected to be all super-social n' stuff?



DogsWithoutHorses
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Apr 2012
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,146
Location: New York

12 Oct 2012, 8:11 pm

BlueMax wrote:
DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
ValentineWiggin wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
It's been pretty good for me so far. heck, just having the freedom to stim has been awesome


it sucks there are more male aspies than female aspies


Diagnosed, there are. :wink:


It does suck that women are so underdiagnosed


You think it might be because women are generally considered the more social gender? In the same way men don't want to report being abused by their wives because they're supposed to be the stronger gender? Generalizations, I know, but common enough to be of consideration. Would women be MORE embarassed about social difficulties when they're expected to be all super-social n' stuff?


There are a lot of reasons girls are underdiagnosed, the big one in my estimation, which is based just on research and a couple classes is that autism specturm disorder studies almost never include female participants. So information about autism and the DSM is all based on male presentation of the disorder.
We're more likely to have different kinds of special interests, to work harder to mimic social behaviour (because I think of the higher price of bad social skills for girls), our stims are likely to be different etc. so when looking for male coded autism, female autistics slip through the cracks.
Also some on the symptoms that are common are more likely to raise alarm in boys than girls. A girl who is quiet and not into sports or aggressive is normal, a boy clearly has an issue if he's not a rowdy boys will be boys type (right? pshh). Girls who don't make eye-contact are shy and docile, boy's aren't expected to be those things.

I don't think the rate of diagnosis has anything to do with women being less likely to self report due to embarrassment as this is most commonly a juvenile diagnosis (if handled properly), or for some people and many girls an adolescent diagnosis. So it has a lot to do with what teachers and parents see and expect.
I do anecdotally notice this phenomenon with women getting diagnosed after their young sons are, but I don't think that is the norm or particularly common.


_________________
If your success is defined as being well adjusted to injustice and well adapted to indifference, then we don?t want successful leaders. We want great leaders- who are unbought, unbound, unafraid, and unintimidated to tell the truth.


Jaden
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 May 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,867

12 Oct 2012, 9:27 pm

BigBossMSF wrote:
I dunno, I would just kinda look at it as being way too chaotic, or maybe I just wouldn't like to see my bad traits reflected like looking in a mirror. I guess it could be argued that you would feel more connected to a person through a common bond. But to me I feel like It would be accepting that I'm not normal and saying that I have no choice but to date other aspies cause I am too "weird".

Just watching videos of higher spectrum aspies makes me extremely uncomfortable and self conscious. As I think i'm pretty low spectrum...just not low enough to be completely "normal".


Interestingly, my mother has mentioned a few times that I should date someone who has AS because we'd be similar. But I already know that those similarities would conflict and cause problems in such a relationship. I have a hard enough time communicating with people face to face, it would be impossible with someone who has the same communication problems that I do, there'd be frustration and god only knows what else.

It's less of a headache if I just don't bother with that.
The ironic thing is, there aren't many women out there, that's "normal", that would date someone with AS, nor would I wish that on anyone (because I have AS, I know what it's like to live around me, it's not good).


_________________
Writer. Author.