To all females: What if your BF/husband cries?

Post Reply New Topic

you bring a good point. Some men rather be alone at tough times.

So true I rather be alone when having a melt down I usually shut myelf off from everyone out of fear of going off on somebody and saying things I would regret in the future.

The question is not complete.

Should be more like "what if you make him cry?".

Big difference.

My dad cried a few weeks ago and it freaked the s**t out of me. My mum sorted him out, I just hid away until it was over.

Being serious?

Sorry, can't tell. Some people, a lot of people, really do believe exactly this. And it does men and boys serious damage.

Crying was highly discouraged when I was a kid. My dad hit me once for crying too much. In my face. I was crying 'cause my dog had died the day before.

It depends on the situation and the man. I mean, some people might want to be coddled or comforted when they're crying, but I for one (a woman) don't. I like to be left alone, given privacy in which to work through my feelings. I usually assume my spouse wants the same, unless he indicates that he wants to talk or have a hug, etc.

My reaction to a man crying, internally, is THANK GOODNESS he feels that he can let his feelings flow. I think it's awful that a lot of men my age were taught to never show any vulnerability. We're all human.

Ahhh - the infamous "Man Box".

So tempted to post that video here, but it would derail the topic.
(It's on TEDtalks if you want to look it up)

i am a guy...if i feel like crying...i cry....you HAVE to let it out.....bottling up emotions is unhealthy

The Tony Porter one?

Just watched it. There's a lot he gets exactly right. But a few things he misses that I think might alter his conclusions somewhat. I kinda want to start a thread about it, if I can get my thoughts in order.

Tony Porter's - "A Call to Men".

Feel free to start one but expect to take a lot of heat for it.
He covers a lot of great stuff in there, but in some places he only skims the correlation and does not go into the true underlying causes - in which case would alter conclusion dramatically.

I totally-agree. And I'm so sorry.

I never understood why me are not allowed to cry and why it's so frowned upon. I used to think men didn't cry and only women and kids did.

I just think it's a stupid social rule.

Yeah, you're right about that. There's some interesting stuff there, very worthy of discussion. But lately the gender wars around here have been a bit too intense for my taste. It'll just end up another excuse for people to be sh***y to each other.



Thank you.

I just realized how much I'm still affected by the expectation that men don't cry. I should have been able to just say what happened. But I had to mention my dog. Had to make sure everyone knew I had a valid reason for crying. Thought I was past being embarassed by stuff like that. Guess not.

Oh, look, a member of the gender police force.

*big hugs* for mds_02.

I think that's the problem with it. When you're raised with it, even if you try to let it go, it's incredibly hard to let contructs that are constantly shoved down our throats from the day we are born and think that it will somehow not affect us. From the moment that babies have just been born, the parents treat them differently based on gender. It's hard to let go of all of it when you absorb it at such a young age that you have no skills to combat it and therefore seriously affects the way we think, and on top of that is enforced by the majority.

Vigilans comments are almost always joking or satirical in nature, especially in L&D, hence the use of the emoticon at the end of his sentence.

Last edited by Kjas on 28 Oct 2012, 7:41 am, edited 1 time in total.

Just watched it. I agreed with everything he said, but of course, my mood went downhill when I saw all the gender police in the comments.