Not having your life in order.

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i also hate how guys have to focus on other things in life

Seems all women have to do is like, exist. Of course the flip side is the women who just exist without having a job, etc, end up getting taken advantage of much of the time by guys who can offer them a place to stay, rides places, etc. Then again, I've heard of guys getting taken advantage of by girls who stay with a guy because they have such things. I knew someone who had a newer Ford Thunderbird he just paid off (like the 2004 one) with only liability insurance. He had his girl who was staying at his house drive it, she crashed it, totalled it, then left him because he didn't have a car. So it works both ways. And my sister had a deadbeat a**hole boyfriend staying at my house for like 3-4 months.

Looking at it now, I wouldn't be THAT bad, actually, at least my parents aren't kicking me out and I have a license. I even got a GED, which is an improvement over some guys. And I don't even do drugs! Thinking of those positives...

But yeah, it seems the standards for girl's "readiness' to date and guys are much different.

I feel this is my biggest barrier to dating. My house is full of fleas. It smells bad from my cats. The car I drive is cluttered to all hell and beat up looking. My room is a mess like it normally is. I've got no job, I'm not in school. I found out much to my dismay I actually do have NVLD/Aspergers, and there is mental things wrong with me afterall, though not what the psychs initially told me. Let's see, I currently wake up at like noon or later, too.

My life is literally and figuratively a complete mess. And my thought process is, why should I bring a girl into my mess of a life? I denied myself to one girl I really liked, and she married someone else and I felt bad about it, but my logical thought process during this time was basically this. My life is too screwed up to allow a romantic relationship. And so, in my dealings with females, despite my normal NVLD/Aspergers dumbness I have with everyone (which I guess to some people is charming in a strange way) I sorta purposely set myself up to like, not get into romantic relationships for the reason of me not being like, perfect yet. I don't know really. I don't like the idea of like, hmm, how do I put this....being a loser boyfriend? A girl bringing me home to her parents and "So what do you do..." "uh....well, I....." Things like that. Like I can't see it like, logical, for a girl to like me. I can't think of really anything positive I'd add to the girl's life, and I'd feel like a leech, if you would. Maybe this is my like, old fashioned imagery of a man being a "provider" so to speak for the woman, too.

Logically, in my mind, I say "now isn't a good time for a girlfriend, fix things up and go back to it" but then in the rest of my life, I start things completely at "wrong" times. For example, I decided I was going to learn figure skating just through sheer brute force and effort, without a coach, etc, just all by myself. It's a pretty asinine thing to do, but somehow my "faith" in it made it work somewhat. Same with lots of things. At the same time, I've had lots of failures and slow progress due to not having, well, proper equipment and things "in order." But if I wait for a good time, there could never be a good time? I've been waiting for a good time since middle school, really, and the times seem to only get worse for the most part.

Maybe this is an error in perceptions on my part, too. Like, perfectionism. Like I can't consider myself a "good" figure skater, or a "good" weightlifter or a "good" mechanic, simply because I'm not at a high level in either of them. Compared to an average person, I'm better, but compared to like, a "professional" at them, I'm bad. But I compare myself to the "professionals." Instead of saying "Wow, you can do 3 turns and waltz jumps figure skating" I think "Why can't you do an axel yet? Why can't you spin, you have bad left backward crossovers." People even compliment me on these things, and I'm sorta confused, as I don't see myself as "good" at them, and see every error I make. In things like cars, many times I can pull off repairing other people's cars, but my own stay in my garage broken. But people still hire me as a mechanic? Why? And it makes me so mad when things aren't, well, some people would say this is perfectionism, but...when things aren't as they should. I did some brakes, bled them like 3 times, still a sort of soft pedal at the end. The guy's wife said she didn't like the brakes, he said they were fine for him. For me, I would have literally stayed up til midnight or 1am bleeding brakes until they felt perfect to me. I feel like this is the only way to succeed in life, to be endlessly self critical, because if you're not, you're just basically being lazy.

Like, I'm around a fair amount of girls, due to my hobbies, but I don't allow myself to get close to any of them, due to my insecurities, which I perceive as being, well, logical insecurities. The problem is less a matter of all girls hating me or whatever, and more just me not feeling like I should even be in a relationship at all because of all my problems. Does anyone else deal with anything like this?

I feel this is my biggest barrier to dating. My house is full of fleas. It smells bad from my cats. The car I drive is cluttered to all hell and beat up looking. My room is a mess like it normally is. I've got no job, I'm not in school. I found out much to my dismay I actually do have NVLD/Aspergers, and there is mental things wrong with me afterall, though not what the psychs initially told me. Let's see, I currently wake up at like noon or later, too.

My life is literally and figuratively a complete mess. And my thought process is, why should I bring a girl into my mess of a life? I denied myself to one girl I really liked, and she married someone else and I felt bad about it, but my logical thought process during this time was basically this. My life is too screwed up to allow a romantic relationship. And so, in my dealings with females, despite my normal NVLD/Aspergers dumbness I have with everyone (which I guess to some people is charming in a strange way) I sorta purposely set myself up to like, not get into romantic relationships for the reason of me not being like, perfect yet. I don't know really. I don't like the idea of like, hmm, how do I put this....being a loser boyfriend? A girl bringing me home to her parents and "So what do you do..." "uh....well, I....." Things like that. Like I can't see it like, logical, for a girl to like me. I can't think of really anything positive I'd add to the girl's life, and I'd feel like a leech, if you would. Maybe this is my like, old fashioned imagery of a man being a "provider" so to speak for the woman, too.

Logically, in my mind, I say "now isn't a good time for a girlfriend, fix things up and go back to it" but then in the rest of my life, I start things completely at "wrong" times. For example, I decided I was going to learn figure skating just through sheer brute force and effort, without a coach, etc, just all by myself. It's a pretty asinine thing to do, but somehow my "faith" in it made it work somewhat. Same with lots of things. At the same time, I've had lots of failures and slow progress due to not having, well, proper equipment and things "in order." But if I wait for a good time, there could never be a good time? I've been waiting for a good time since middle school, really, and the times seem to only get worse for the most part.

Maybe this is an error in perceptions on my part, too. Like, perfectionism. Like I can't consider myself a "good" figure skater, or a "good" weightlifter or a "good" mechanic, simply because I'm not at a high level in either of them. Compared to an average person, I'm better, but compared to like, a "professional" at them, I'm bad. But I compare myself to the "professionals." Instead of saying "Wow, you can do 3 turns and waltz jumps figure skating" I think "Why can't you do an axel yet? Why can't you spin, you have bad left backward crossovers." People even compliment me on these things, and I'm sorta confused, as I don't see myself as "good" at them, and see every error I make. In things like cars, many times I can pull off repairing other people's cars, but my own stay in my garage broken. But people still hire me as a mechanic? Why? And it makes me so mad when things aren't, well, some people would say this is perfectionism, but...when things aren't as they should. I did some brakes, bled them like 3 times, still a sort of soft pedal at the end. The guy's wife said she didn't like the brakes, he said they were fine for him. For me, I would have literally stayed up til midnight or 1am bleeding brakes until they felt perfect to me. I feel like this is the only way to succeed in life, to be endlessly self critical, because if you're not, you're just basically being lazy.

Like, I'm around a fair amount of girls, due to my hobbies, but I don't allow myself to get close to any of them, due to my insecurities, which I perceive as being, well, logical insecurities. The problem is less a matter of all girls hating me or whatever, and more just me not feeling like I should even be in a relationship at all because of all my problems. Does anyone else deal with anything like this?