Female single perspective

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Agreed. Women like sex as much as men do; it's not something they do as a "favour" to get loved in return. Men don't like spending money just like that unless the money is spent on something we enjoy.



If someone at least gets sex, then said person get's a lot more than the guy who's made into an emotional tampon after the first date.

I've been used for sex many times by women who had no interest in a relationship with me (I think that my most recent ex was just trying to get pregnant); it hurts to have your feelings stepped on, but it's still better than leaving empty handed and it still made listening to the crap these women said worth it. Women who rant about being used for sex (i.e. they take sex for granted) don't know who lucky they are.

The bottom line is, a f*ck buddy gives you 90% of the benefits of a relationship without any of the bad parts.

Didn't ask you to, so why are you bothering?
Unless you've actually got any productive input...

Because there are people besides you who have feelings on this board. The OP was being genuine about how she felt, and you have no right to call her a troll because of that.

I think a lot of things you said are right, but I think you are wrong about how relationships should be started. I don't think waiting around for something to "click" is a good way of doing it. Even if you're neurotypical and you have all the necessary social constructs in your head to make spontaneous interaction possible (I'm guessing that if you're posting here then you're not), I don't think that allows for very deep interaction and closes you off to a lot of good opportunities that would develop if you gave people a chance. Just because an initial, accidental interaction with somebody doesn't trigger some sort of romantic feeling doesn't mean that you wouldn't go well with him. I always thought (this is how it is with me) that serious romantic attraction wasn't possible unless I thought hard about whether I wanted somebody and made a decision to give it a try. For me romantic attraction is almost a conscious decision.

I think you're right about how guys who hit on you don't really care. I always thought it was strange because obviously when you first start flirting with somebody you don't know anything about him/her other than what he/she looks like, so I can't imagine what you'd want apart from sex. But most women seem to expect a lot of effort from men from the very start. But they also don't want to be seen as sluts, which seems incongruous because they are encouraging men to go after them that they know just want sex.

Also for me part of the bonding process is sex.

They are just bitter because they can't get what they want and they haven't figured out how to control their feelings yet. I think both are related to aspergers.

What he means is that all single women are supposed to be insulted and criticized, and expecting otherwise is expecting preferential treatment. Cause you know, every woman is in on a secret conspiracy to keep every poor, nice guy like him single, so by having the audacity to come on here and put on a charade of innocence is patronizing and deserves a barrage of insults and criticism.

For the most part though, they don't seem to even make an effort. I think a lot of the guys forget that the women here, by and large, aren't the neurotypical she-bitches they keep running into. The women here have our own problems, some of them related to not being diagnosed, so we end up with reputations of being "silly", "weird" or "too detached". Please note, I said a lot of the guys, not all of them. Just like a lot of the girls try to be understanding, but we get tired of reading the same thing over and over.

I don't believe she is genuine.
I've read her post and for the first seventy words, I'm like "Ok, fair enough" and then wham, the real content comes shining through...


Oh and Civrev, just
So brilliantly totally wide of the barn door you might as well call it a boomerang bullet, but f*****g hilarious post to read.

I don't agree with everything in there, but the general premise seems to be sound, both in theory and from experience.

I'm curious as to what you object to?

What are the implications that you have pulled from her post that lead you to believe that?

Thankyou for you reply. I have tried giving people a chance though; I don't reject them outright. I think that's my problem - I don't seem capable of the relationships/feelings that come naturally to other people (and hence my diagnosis and why I'm here - I'm sure it's got to be related to that). Also, sometimes I do feel attraction to people and love people, whether as friends or potentially something more, but those people never seem interested in me. Even if I can get an aquaintance going, it never becomes meaningful. It's like the workings of being close to another human are beyond my capabilities and understanding. And that goes for friendships and other types of relationships too. It's the lack of a long-term, meaningful bond that is depressing.

Like I said, I don't get asked out very often at all. Some of the comments in this thread seem to make generalisations in which women get to do lots of rejecting. Maybe pretty, healthy girls are constantly rejecting men. I have a physical disability (which, though it doesn't stop many people forming relationships, does make things more complicated for me: for one thing being sick all the time makes it really hard to be a fun, energetic person - meeting people can be exhausting and you have to be dealing with problems thrown at you by your physical body when you're trying to concentrate on your social skills). And I have the social problems of Asperger's. I don't want to sound like I'm making excuses, but getting asked out a lot is really not something I've experienced! It's been very occasional. I get that even once is more than some people, but I'm not exactly inundated with offers.

I'm not against being hit on for sex: if you go to certain places, it's expected. In fact in some ways there's something more honest about it when a guy just wants a one-night stand - if he makes it clear he's not asking for anything more, and he's not claiming you're particularly special, at least both sides understand what he's asking for. As long as he accepts if you say no, that's fine. It's more honest than a guy who claims to want a girl to be his long term partner - which should be saying he's chosen her over others, and is asking for a lot of her dedication and her feelings - when really all he wants is to boost his own social status by getting any girl to go out with him. But getting hit on doesn't take the edge of the lack of a meaningful relationship, which is a seperate problem.

Thank you to everyone who's defended me in this thread. I can only say I'm genuine and I never intended my post to upset anyone. I was simply saying there's an issue I'm suffering from that I haven't seen aired on this forum much at all. Not denying other people have their own problems - just saying that the issues I've tried to express here are problems too and wanting to hear from people who felt the same way.

Last edited by Withdrawal on 23 Oct 2012, 4:50 am, edited 1 time in total.

Yes! This is exactly how I feel; I'd rather have a relationship than sex, and I'm a man. It goes both ways though - some women seem to assume that every guy who asks them out is only after sex and not a relationship (this hasn't happened to me, just having read what has happened to others) and that's not a helpful attitude either.

Ahh, I get it now!

EXACTLY.
Oh, by the way, Kjas, had posted a reply but it got deleted without authorization. No point trying with one arm clearly strung up firmly behind me. Funny how that happened by random chance...or some other users

Well that is strange, and sucks.
I have had posts lost before when they glitch, but I have never seen the mods be that fast - if you are correct in your assumption.
Sorry - I just wanted to understand your reasoning.

I agree that the "every guy is out for sex" attitude is not helpful. Although someone looking for sex and a relationship is not mutually exclusive either, which can complicates matters in terms of reading intentions. I wonder how many are in that category after both or either and get labelled incorrectly because of it - it's probably substantial.

Any reply insulting another member that is reported gets deleted.
(Its on the rules)
This one was.


Word of advice avoid attacking other members and your replies will remain untouched

Political Correctness. Call a spade a spade and a troll a troll. Insulted? That's how I felt when I first read the OP...