why can't more women be like my ex gf

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Okay, so she doesn't like fruit, so she doesn't like apples, but the reason she won't eat apples is because she doesn't like applies, not because she doesn't like fruit.

That's your logic in a nutshell.

Leaving all the work and responsibility in a relationship up to your partner is exactly the same as not appreciating them.

Even if he had told her, it wouldn't have been enough. Words without actions are empty and meaningless.

One shows appreciation by taking responsibility and sharing the lead.

If you leave your partner to take the lead all of the time, they will tire of it, because leaving it to them communicates a lack of appreciation. It's not that complicated.

Yeah, she left because he didn't show appreciation for her, and that is exactly the same as leaving because she got tired of carrying the weight.

To clarify things.

Using the apple and orange and fruit simplifier example, she doesn't likes apple but she likes oranges. But just because she doesn't like apples, that doesn't mean she doesn't like oranges.



No, not necessarily so.

So even though both "letting the partner lead all the way in every aspect of the relationship" and "not showing appreciation and love" are both passive "activities", they are still two different things.

MCalavera, what is the real reason you are continuing to post in this thread at the moment?

What you're doing right now is so transparent it's ridiculous.

Correcting your logic. Nothing ridiculous about it.

MCalavera, I have to tend to agree with you, *if* I think I am seeing the logic here. But I am not taking sides, because I really respect and admire MRXxx and I have to say I get where he is coming from, and he has given me sound advice that I am grateful for.

But MCalavera has a point. Using myself as an example, I don't mind doing a multitude of things to please a partner, to make them happy. But, if those things are taken for granted, and not shown appreciation, I will not wish to continue carrying on doing them, because it makes me feel like a doormat, and I don't know if the other person is enjoying it truly, or just taking advantage of a situation.

Resuming: I don't mind taking the lead of a situation, but I *do* mind not being shown appreciation and love. Yes, two different things. Ideally? Shared responsibilities and mutual love and appreciation.

All due respect (and I know you know I do respect you ), you "don't mind doing a multitude of things to please..." and don't mind "taking the lead of a situation..."

The OP however, stated that she "did everything" as well as replied when asked what he did that caused her to leave, that he didn't show any appreciation.

That is the picture the OP painted of his relationship. I mean, they are his impressions written down, not ours. I, and most of the other responders are calling the situation as he wrote it. Taking it at face value.

In your post, doing a multitude of things, and taking the lead in "a situation" isn't exactly doing it all of the time.

I don't mean to nit pick, but the terms you chose seem to indicate that if that were the default situation day to day, hour by hour all of the time, you may get at least a little sick of it after a while.

Would you really be able to put up with doing everything, all of the time? Maybe you would. I'm just asking for clarification.

If your answer is yes, you would, I would still counter that It's awfully hard to not believe that some resentment would build up over time. I may as well say it now, that I've also been in the same sort of situation. On both sides of it in different relationships. If there's one thing I learned being on both sides of it, it's that such a situation is not healthy and won't last no matter how you cut it.

The one doing it all can become resentful (though it can be subconscious), and the one doing all the taking doesn't respect the one who is doing it all. That's the basic nature of a relationship like that. Even if to all appearances everything seems fine and dandy, under the surface all is not well. No way is it going to last.

well,Im back now. Ok. when I was with her. She never complain about being the ''lead'' role. For example I did pay for her a couple time near the start of our relationship but she paid me back, I didn't even tell her too, she just did.

Now few are saying she left me because I was too passive and she was doing all the work, um no, we got along fine until the last couple months of our relationship. Never once she told me, she did too much, in fact we never once talk about who has to do what in a relationship.
The only rule we really had was we couldn't date another person (no cheating)

My ex gf is pretty much what ever shy aspie guy wish he had. A good looking girl who is willing to put in the effort and not force the man to do everything. and she was a year younger than me.

How long were you two together?

I probaly on the few non-alpha good looking male that got ask out by a woman
I meet her at work, better yet she meet me. At first all she did was flirt with me. She just followed me around and was always talking to me, and she said ''hey want to hang out'' and so I did. Then a few months later when we were walking she goes ''hey, want to have sex tomorrow''
Im like ok. and the day came and we had our fun.

the whole relationship was mainly her talking to me about her adventures, when we went to eat out, only twice did she pay for her stuff, after that she pay for her food and stuff. and we would lay on my bed. I like to snuggle with her, and love when she was on ''top''.. boy, that was great.
and she really loved my boy part (hope Im not too nasty) we did alot of fun stuff on my bed.

we walked or rode our bikes to many places. when she was with me, she was full of energy, super happy, and I was her ''man'' she was ''glued'' to me.
I did ask her sometimes if I could kiss her but alot of time, she just did it herself. I be lying there and she just went over kissed me right on the lips.
it was awesome. To bad more women aren't like her, there be alot of happy shy asperger men out there.

Independence is great, but by the sound of it you weren't very yourself, you weren't making any decisions for yourself.

She might have supported you for a number of reasons, but it is not healthy to be so far in that direction, where you aren't making any decision, you need to work on that.

Would you want the woman to be a passenger and for you to decide everything? Then it is hypocritical to expect that she do that for you. it also likely to put a strain on things, practically it is not always possible.

I suppose in one way you lack the ego, that would have a problem with someone else making all the decisions. But the other side of it is not supporting the relationship, which has give and take.

You are probably not making decisions because you are analytical and anxious, and you are unsure about getting off the roundabout so to speak, so it is just easier to have someone else do that for you. Really is decision making always has a subjective side, judgement is an assessment of logic which concludes in part subjectively (as there is almost always more deduction to be made)

Your post made me sad. It seems like you had something great but you f**ked it up big time.
It reminded me of that Weezer song...

The world has turned and left me here
Just where I was before you appeared
And in your place an empty space
has filled the void behind my face

I just made love with your sweet memory
One thousand times in my head
You said you loved it more than ever
You said
You remain, turned away
Turning further every day

Next time you meet someone like her you should hang on to her like grim death.

Someone who gets it.

If more women were like my ex and was willing to ask out men and put in alot of effort in the relationship and not expecting the man to carry on the conversation we would have alot less single and dateless depress men out there.

too bad these women are very rare.

If he can't see the problem, point it out to him. Don't just say "There is a problem, but you can't see it" and walk away. If he can't see the problem, how is he supposed to solve it?

That's like saying that someone who can't paint doesn't appreciate art.