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This is why we have to stop being shy little wimps

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WantToHaveALife
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25 Feb 2013, 7:39 pm

AspieOtaku wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
wtfid2 wrote:
As aspies it is clear that for a lot of us, our condition makes finding a gf/bf impossible. We may be attractive but those of us who are too shy to ask a girl for her number will miss out on a potential relationship due to gendered norms! In my 23 years of life, I have never had a gf because any girl I was interested in I had never pursued(well this isnt totally true but i never asked them out), and the ones who liked me I wasn't attracted to(fair enough imo)....well I go to costco every weekend to eat samples and talk to my friends there(ive made friends with the workers there since im a regular freeloader lol) There has been this girl I had been interested in for the past year, and she and I would always talk every time we saw eachother. I always wanted to ask her out but never had the nerve. She wasnt a model or anything; slightly chubby, cute face, and nice personality. Anyway, because of my aspergers/shyness, I never asked her out. This would be fine if she still worked there, but I havent seen her in there for a few weeks. I think she quit.

so il never see her again!

sad thing is, I bet if I saw her tomorrow at costco, at the mall, or at the supermarket I still would not ask her out.

Now dont confuse this post for me being upset about this specific girl..there are others out there..my point is that this will always happy with all girls unfortunately...unless one i am attracted to comes on to me very strongly.


hate how us guys have to get labeled, wimps, p*****s, for being passive with women, frustrating on how life, society, the world expect us guys to toughen it up all the damn time! :x
Better that then being labled as a creep.


yeah unfortuneately, i know i said in the past about instigating violence, well the only people that i feel like instigating a fight with are with guys if they tell me to "Man Up, Be a Man, Grow a Pair" in person, like they are trying to talk all Macho or be like a Marine Drill Sergeant with me, thats what life is like for us guys, it is like a Marine Boot camp



JacobV
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01 Mar 2014, 11:06 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
Yes, if one is interested in someone and never mentions it, its likely they will lose their opportunity. But I don't exactly see what being to shy to ask someone out has anything to do with being a wimp.......Its not like asking someone out is a show of strength or something. I've missed plenty of opportunities with guys by being totally oblivious to their interest in me or simply never mentioning it so I never knew if they liked me or not.


I think few terms explain aspies better than "wimp".

Nobody wants to think of oneself as a wimp, but we look at our behaviors I think most of us will see that we fit the bill. We are afraid of change, afraid of confrontations, afraid of new things (like different jobs or moving).. many of us are even afraid of absurd things like noises, lights, and some smells.

I don't believe in feeling sorry for yourself but I also don't believe in BS-ing yourself. We are wimps.. let's face it. Some of us are ok with being wimps because our parents raised us to be wimps as a way to avoid us growing up as a bunch of noisy dopey looking disabled people with no self control.. they were right, but they went to the extreme opposite and turned us into complete helpless wimps... followers. who don't try to change or take control of life, but let others dictate life to us.. bosses, neighbors, relatives, etc. The FIRST STEP to changing ourselves is to admit to ourselves who and what we really are.

Take the first step.



Kurgan
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01 Mar 2014, 11:57 am

I'm not afraid of the sound of people picking their nails or old fluorescent lamps, I just don't like them and find them (and the former in particular) annoying. I'm not afraid of change in routines either, but I hate it, and I'll defend my routines vigorously.



jerry00
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01 Mar 2014, 12:04 pm

I don't mind changing routines I just lack the motivation to do so. But when I am motivated to pick up a habit, or drop a habit, I can do it as effectively as any NT, maybe even more effectively, because there's an element of obsessiveness in my thinking, that combined with the right motivation, allows me to just get things done. But finding the motivation is hard. Generally I need to be in a rut for years before I bite the bullet and make the change.



accountinglad
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01 Mar 2014, 12:56 pm

Man up and ask her out or you'll never know if there was anything there. I hate the way girls pretend to be interestedaand are nit really interestedin the slightest



GiantHockeyFan
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01 Mar 2014, 3:58 pm

JacobV wrote:
I think few terms explain aspies better than "wimp".

Nobody wants to think of oneself as a wimp, but we look at our behaviors I think most of us will see that we fit the bill. We are afraid of change, afraid of confrontations, afraid of new things (like different jobs or moving).. many of us are even afraid of absurd things like noises, lights, and some smells.

I don't believe in feeling sorry for yourself but I also don't believe in BS-ing yourself. We are wimps.. let's face it. Some of us are ok with being wimps because our parents raised us to be wimps as a way to avoid us growing up as a bunch of noisy dopey looking disabled people with no self control.. they were right, but they went to the extreme opposite and turned us into complete helpless wimps... followers. who don't try to change or take control of life, but let others dictate life to us.. bosses, neighbors, relatives, etc. The FIRST STEP to changing ourselves is to admit to ourselves who and what we really are.

Take the first step.


/\ QFT /\

Yes, I might physically be a giant and might have a semi-arrogant tone in my voice, but I accept that I am, deep down a complete and utter wimp. I could not have expressed my scrambled thoughts more clearly than this. The reason I struggled so much in life was that I was afraid of failure, afraid of embarrassment and afraid of rejection. I'm practically afraid of my own shadow and like most Aspies, cannot hide that fact. I'm in the middle of step one at age 31. Late to the party, but I'm on my way.

My parents really did mean well and wanted to protect me, but they made me into someone afraid to grow up. No wonder I feel, dress and act like a teenager!