confessions of a former Nice Guy(tm)

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I do agree that one should accept yourself, warts and all.




How do you derive this as so? How do you derive that I have control over others in this way? What you're telling me and others is I have control over the thoughts of other people. How is this so? How do my thoughts control what other people do and think? I do not understand how you derive this.

This has been my experience. Just because you love, accept, and like yourself does not mean others will like you or accept you. I do not have control over other people's thoughts and feelings.

Like Winston Wu says at http://www.happierabroad.com/Attitude_Fanatics.htm everyone has their preferences and their tastes. I am not going to change that with my thoughts of being happy with myself and accepting myself.

To me, one does have to love himself and accept himself but be grounded in reality.

^^^^no, my sentence was awkward. i said that others will be tolerable to you, not the reverse. there is a lot of misanthropy on this forum, and it's interesting that some of those same members are also hard on themselves. if they have a great deal of self-disgust or self-flogging going on, they are likely viewing others through the same lens. it's logical, really.

Last edited by hyperlexian on 14 Jan 2013, 8:57 am, edited 1 time in total.

Can you please tell me how my thoughts control another woman's thoughts, feelings, and actions?



What led to the lack of self-confidence in the first place? Did the lack of failures cause lack of self-confidence or did the lack of confidence cause the failures? If this is a cycle then how did this start? I had major problems driving because I had issues switching lanes. I did not know how to do it correctly. Other people kept saying I lacked confidence and it was my attitude that was the problem. It was not my attitude nor my lack of self-confidence. I lacked a vital piece of information. This was my problem. How do you derive success starts with self-confidence.

Another thing, I can have all the self-confidence I want. This does not mean others will like you or want to deal with you. By what you write, you make it seem like all one has to do is just change his thoughts and emotions and outside reality will automatically bend to one's emotions, thoughts, desires, and feelings. Let's take this to its conclusion. Let's say I see a pretty woman who lacks this self-confidence. I have self-confidence though. By your logic I will succeed with this woman because of my self-confident thoughts. By your logic, she won't succeed with me. If we can have control over each other's thoughts like you seem to imply then how would this contradiction be resolved. Her thoughts should influence me to be repulsed by her and my thoughts should get her to like me. How would this work? I don't follow.

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I should've used your exact words. Let's say you're right and others will be tolerable. You claim this is logical and maybe it is. I don't grasp the logic in it. This presupposes that I have control over other people's thoughts and feelings. I do not. I don't control what others do, believe, or say. I don't have control over their thoughts or feelings. If your logic stands then why hasn't misanthropy gone away? By your own reasoning has misanthropy gone away? Why haven't you changed their thoughts and feelings?

From my point of view, people would have to choose to be tolerable.

Last edited by cubedemon6073 on 14 Jan 2013, 9:10 am, edited 1 time in total.

you're still missing the point. it has nothing to do with anyone else, only to do with your own feelings. the word i am using is tolerable not tolerant. i make no claims as to how people will react to you, only how you will react to them.

Hyperlexian, now I am really confused. I thought this was your claim right here

You have stated that "others will be tolerable" towards me if I do certain conditions x, y, and z. What I was asking is how is this so? This presupposed that I had control over other's thoughts and they had control over mine. Now it seems like you're claiming that you said the converse. Again, I don't understand and I am very confused.

If you're not making this claim then what claim are you making? Maybe I am missing your point and you're correct on this? What is your point that I am missing? Can you give me your conclusion and the premises the conclusion entails from if you do not mind? I think we have had a major breakdown in communication.

What is the difference between tolerable and tolerant?

Last edited by cubedemon6073 on 14 Jan 2013, 9:31 am, edited 1 time in total.

"tolerable to you" does not mean the same thing as "tolerant towards you".

A. tolerable to you: people seem better from your own eyes, they seem less like wastes of skin and more like decent humans, you are more patient with them

B. tolerant towards you: people are nicer to you and kinder, more patient with you


if people learn to care about themselves and find happiness within, they are more likely to have A. i make no promises about B. hopefully this is clear now.

Yes, it is very clear now. I get what you are saying now. I had to take some time to really read what you said over from this context It was my error and my boo boo. I misunderstood the pragmatics of what you were saying. You're using tolerable in the sense of how I would feel about others not how others feel about me. You're using it in the sense that Gulliver, the main character, in Jonathan Swift's Gulliver's Travels towards his fellow man at the end. He has disgust for his fellow man because of his encounters and experiences.

This means I inadvertently set up a strawman argument based upon my misunderstanding of the pragmatic usage of the English language. I agree with what you are saying now. Your logic makes sense now and it is sound. I am grateful though that you were tolerant towards me and had patience with me to take time to show me where my logic was off. Other people would've just cursed me out and called me a stupid idiot and moron.

One thing that I did do was I made the assumption that I was misunderstanding you somewhere. I assumed my logic and my rationale was off somewhere and a premise was missing or was wrong which turned out to be the case. This is called taking ownership of the problem and I believe it is a conflict resolution skill.

One thing I have learned about living in this world is you have to be very humble.

Last edited by cubedemon6073 on 14 Jan 2013, 9:52 am, edited 1 time in total.

nah, it's ok, i misunderstand what people mean all the time.