The main reason why women don't date us

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Yes lack of confidence is a big reason but that is not the only issue. I find that personally I am unable to form emotional connections to girls. I also have no social value (lack of friends). Finally a lot of Aspies have virginity which is another red flag for girls.

Because were aspies! No explanation needed there!

What encounters? They don't leave their rooms to have any.

Do you do this a lot? Writing off other women's opinions as crap and touting yours as the only good one?

You're doing it again.

Its actually pretty common to find people doing this on the spectrum.

Not with every woman but with every aspie, every male, every person from my country...


I had to check if she was a returning member(dismissing other´s opinions and stating hers as the only valid one+ using nt as an attack is something that someone we recently banned did quite a frequently)

If there's anything you can say about women here (or primarily, me) not wanting to date aspie men it was them making an informed choice not to do so. Just because that choice was made with reference to what they see from aspie guys here doesn't make it invalid.

Of all the things "wrong" with aspie guys mentioned so far when it comes to dating, nobody has yet mentioned negativity and bad attitudes, which repel women more than poor social skills and lack of confidence put together.

Here is my analogy about aspies and NTs in relationships.

There is this river and and the two interested in each other. they are from opposite sides of the river. how they noticed each other was through observation of body language, personality, common interests all leads to their attractiveness in each other's eyes.

In the first instance the man is the Aspie and the woman is the NT. They need to cross the river to get to each other. As the Aspie in this case starts to build on his side, expecting the other side to also start building. But that doesn't happen because the NT adheres to gender rules of society and expects the man to build the bridge. The Aspie complains about why he has to do everything when it would be more efficient for both of them to build the bridge from both sides. And so the trouble starts between the two.

The 2nd instance, is where the Aspie is the woman and the NT is the man. This time the Aspie starts to build the bridge, no questions asked, like the Aspie man, but now the NT man sees it and tries to build faster because, after all, he is the NT man and wants to adhere to society's gender rules. Of course... all sorts of trouble comes from him competing with the Aspie woman and she tries to work harder too because she thinks she is slacking...

This doesn't include LGBT society rules, I'm sorry I just don't know much about it. But I think as you can see, this is one reason why Aspie men think that Aspie women have it "easier" because of the effort that they have to put in at first vs Aspie women. So there are differences because of society's rules but definitely not easier from both Aspie women and men.

You know, Mags wasn't totally wrong regarding this thread, female responses in this very thread so far were geek-stereotypes and crap.

You said crap things like "aspie men never leave their rooms to have any encounters" - you know this how? Tell that to spongy, Geeko, JanuaryMan, Aspie1, Tyrion, MXH me!..etc and all the aspies here who put themselves out there despite their limitations (social skills, nb of friends, limited social circle, money...etc), they're all struggling still and they don't have negative attitudes (you can exclude in this if you think I am jerk).

Saying that, I have a date there this evening : http://sogoselection.com/images/Maps/habtoor.jpg

It's not in my room.

The only answer that can englobes all aspie males is: Asperger's syndrome, their innate social ineptness.
All other reasons are individual.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 28 Jun 2013, 5:10 am, edited 4 times in total.

Is usually the result when a woman finds out Im an aspie.

^ Aww

They only want women who are one size as well. Thin. There is a lot of fat bashing in this sub-forum. I've been wanting to say this for a long time. I get it. Most guys don't want a woman who can dominate them. That makes me even more proud that I look like the largest, strongest member of the original Kinks line-up.

^ and NT men like fat women so much, right?

Wow. I wasn't expecting that, of all things.
Okie, here we go:

blue_bean, as I stated at the end of my post in this thread, it is just my opinion. For a refresher, here's what was at the end of my post:
"That's just my opinion and experience; but I don't think I know many Aspie men in person. This is theory and conjecture."

My opinion isn't best, but it is my opinion. I never said I was right, or that mine was the only valid one.

Being that I could only give my own opinion, not someone else's, by the very nature of what an opinion is, I don't see how anyone could have possibly taken offense to what I said OR assumed that I was telling anyone they were wrong. Frankly, it seems as though what I wrote, you know the stuff that was pertinent to the issue - like, everything blue, sponge, and boo DIDN'T talk about, was almost wholly disregarded and glossed over because one person jumped to conclusions and attacked me immediately; thus, apparently, spurring another to assume the worst of me and so on.

Also, blue_bean; since it seems it was my first line with which you take issue, it wasn't the opinions of other women I took to be uninteresting. "Crap" is, perhaps, a strong word to use for those topics I found in the forum. Perhaps I should have said "filler" instead. I was looking for something specific, I did not find it. I felt uncomfortable with many of the topics, even finding some of them offensive. Instead of going into those forums and ATTACKING PEOPLE (as I feel you and Spongy have just attacked me, isn't that sort of funny) I simply left in search of other topics I found less irritating.

And spongy, or anyone else, my intent is not to bash anyone. As I said, I have trouble identifying with other women. That includes most women's interests. I was hoping that, perhaps, other women with Asperger's may have interests a little more like my own and I may be able to find kindred spirits and discussion about relationships between an Aspie woman and an NT man (like my own marriage) but there really wasn't anything like that to read about in these forums. I'm thinking of starting one, as there DO seem to be other women on here with NT male partners who may benefit from mutual discussion of the issues involved in our relationships. Maybe not. I wouldn't know. There doesn't appear to be any discussion of it thus far, and if there were it has long since been buried in the forum so perhaps, there is no measurable interest.

I didn't go through all that before because it's personal and off-topic as all get out.

However, in light of the responses to my post, and subsequently being painted as some sort of instigator of ill winds, I feel I owe some explanation of my thoughts. I would have preferred, of course, that any confusion I had caused had resulted in someone simply ASKING me what I meant by it; but as the time for that has long since passed I offer my explanation freely in the hopes that certain members of this forum will realize their mistake in assuming I am a twat and allow me to take part in this conversation as the supportive and interested member I am.

Also, spongy, not that anyone asked, but it is not my habit to dismiss anyone's opinion, or to state that mine is correct. Ironically, I typically do not give my opinion at all, nor do I give advice. In this one case where I DID give my opinion I was very careful to state that it was simply that, MY opinion.

It was, and is, also my OPINION that the women's threads here are surprisingly shallow, and I merely made the observation that this is very much consistent with other female discussion. I am not using NT as an insult, as suggested by you, spongy. I'm sure what I think of as being uninteresting is very interesting to someone else. Just as I'm sure I would find interest in something another person would find to be very dull.

That was not my point. I was annoyed, and it showed in my typing. That is all. I am even further annoyed now, which does me no credit. Isn't that just peachy. And yes, I have Asperger's so I can come on a little strong if you don't know me, which none of you does so I can understand the defensiveness. I'm also hyperlexic and I know my writing and speech is highly stilted. I'm sorry if I read as being an a**hole but I'm really very cheerful and bubbly. I just SOUND like an old English jerk. lol

Regardless, this remains an interesting topic and if even a few of you can overlook this simple misunderstanding in communication, then perhaps we can talk about it!




And thank you, Vectorspace, for your response.

My point was, and still is, that there's nothing wrong with Aspie men or anyone. I don't think that being shy or reclusive is a reason to not be loved. Sure, you may have some problems meeting folks to date, but I don't think most Aspies are shut ins.

What do you mean, Vector, that they are "plainly incapable of dating?" I would very much like to hear more about this aspect as I suspect I am wholly unaware of it. Do you have examples? Or perhaps somebody else has a specific example of why male Aspies cannot date? I don't know any Aspie shut-ins. All the ones I know have friends and take part in social activities, so I may not be arriving at the same conclusion you are regarding why they are ineligible.

Perhaps I have too sunny an outlook on Aspies and dating. :/

Most female here are in relationship with NT males.




It simply mean that they are plainly incapable of dating , meaning that they can't get a "yes" for a date for decade or even never, a lot die virgins or extremely few encounters in a lifetime; and those are probably the largest category of aspie males on this website.

You, as an aspie female, you might find this too alien or abnormal, and honestly it really is, but sadly it's very common among your male counterparts.

I see. I thought that, perhaps, there was some aspect of the Aspergian mind that Vector (or others here) have identified as being unsuited to having a partnership. If that were the case, I would have found that very hard to accept.

Is it meeting people, then, that is so difficult initially? Or is it the sexual pressure? I really aim to understand, although I know no two experiences will be alike.