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smart women equal nice guys

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YourMajesty
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08 Jul 2013, 8:03 am

I'm considered smart as far as I know and for all I care I'm fine with it. I honestly wouldn't like a man who doesn't want a smart woman, that'd clash anyway and I guess he isn't much into broader and deeper subjects like I am, so what could we talk about then? (I mean, if he wants some dumb person, he isn't looking for a true companion or someone to have good conversations with, which is what I'm looking for)

By the way, what's wrong with nice guys? I like people who are just themselves.



Schneekugel
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08 Jul 2013, 10:38 am

billiscool wrote:
on looking around i've heard some women say ''I am too smart and succesful for men to date me''
that men ''don't like'' smart and successful women, and men ''only want dumb girls''

now this very similiar to the nice guys rant: ''women hate us nice guys,but love jerks''
are ''smart'' women just unattractive women, are they just full of it, or do men really not like
smart and successful women?

are these women truly scaring men off because they are smart, or do they have other issues
that scares men off.

just google. ''men don't like smart women'' ''why successful women single''
and similar terms


I wouldnt agree fully on that. So if a woman was really much smarter then a man, I think they could have issues, because traditionally most people want relationships, where the woman adores the man, looks up to him. (Adore is a bit to harsh word, but I dont know a fitting english one.) But that problem can hardly be in every relationship a woman has, because there are smart men as well, so its hardly possible that a smart woman has without purpose always dates with non-smart men. ^^

When it comes to smart and succesful, to be successful, according to capitalism rules, you often need to work much and have priority on your career. And I think there are much more men disturbed by not seeing their partner, because of their career, then woman. If a woman has a partner, thats never their because of his career, still there will be crowds that will look up to her, because of her "Oh so successfull partner." While a men that hardly ever sees his partner, because of her career, will get more sorrows I think. :(

Quote:
In regards to the quote, women are trained to feed the ego of the man? Is that what the quote means? That's what I got out of it.
I'll read the article later. Thank you
Yop. And the problem is: A smart woman is able to ask herself, what benefit she had from doing so. ^^



Schneekugel
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08 Jul 2013, 10:51 am

Kurgan wrote:

Neither can be blamed. If we should blame someone, it should be on an individual level; namely the woman who fails to realize that the hot, young girl who does not have a useless degree probably is as smart as she is, at the end of the day.


I wouldnt see it that way. At the end of the day, the hot young girl is rewarded with a dumb bastard, and the woman with the useless degree can do everything she want, because of not being depending on a dumb bastard for paying what she wants. ^^



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08 Jul 2013, 10:58 am

Schneekugel wrote:
Quote:
In regards to the quote, women are trained to feed the ego of the man? Is that what the quote means? That's what I got out of it.
I'll read the article later. Thank you
Yop. And the problem is: A smart woman is able to ask herself, what benefit she had from doing so. ^^


Well, let's be honest. Feeding ego is a violent way to say it, but face the truth: many men need to feel, at least, a bit 'admired' by their partner. Question: 'A smart woman is able to ask herself, what benefit she had from doing so.?'

Now let's turn the situation upside down: many women need to feel, on the other hand, supported by their partner. And when I say supported, I mean: no matter which is her mood, no matter she's behaving in a irrational way, no matter she's in 'one of these days', a woman needs to feel that her partner is with her and holds her back. Now imagine the question: 'A smart man is able to ask himself, what benefit he had from doing so.?'


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Schneekugel
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08 Jul 2013, 11:10 am

Greb wrote:
A smart man is able to ask himself, what benefit he had from doing so.?'


None. Thats why I dont force my partner to support me in my thoughts during my PMS, but I simply separate myself for two days and flee into the world of computers, where partner dont need to back me up while I am Gaga, and where noone cares for innocent dragons that have to face my emotional issues. ^^ After 14 years of experiences, we both agree, that this is the best working way to come by.

Sure I want my partner to support our relationship, as I do. But with things that count, with actions, not with empty words. Because of me being a pretty loner, its much more often him that needs comforting talk. I dont mean, that he needs more then other NT men need them, but you hardly can comfort me with talking to me, because normally I am fed up with talking and only do it in the opposite to comfort him.



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08 Jul 2013, 11:13 am

I don't know I am still stuck on wondering why nice guy doesn't actually refer to nice guys, but rather jerks who act nice just to get girls and then act like they are justified in treating the girl like sh*t and guilt tripping them into staying in the relationship.


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08 Jul 2013, 11:16 am

Greb wrote:
Well, let's be honest. Feeding ego is a violent way to say it, but face the truth: many men need to feel, at least, a bit 'admired' by their partner. Question: 'A smart woman is able to ask herself, what benefit she had from doing so.?'

Now let's turn the situation upside down: many women need to feel, on the other hand, supported by their partner. And when I say supported, I mean: no matter which is her mood, no matter she's behaving in a irrational way, no matter she's in 'one of these days', a woman needs to feel that her partner is with her and holds her back. Now imagine the question: 'A smart man is able to ask himself, what benefit he had from doing so.?'


Both the man and the woman would have to do a cost benefit analysis, to see if their partner is worth it. I noticed that you gave more examples of women's needs. With regard to behaving irrationally, I don't think that''s gender specific. I also think both would like to be admired by their partner.



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08 Jul 2013, 11:57 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
I don't know I am still stuck on wondering why nice guy doesn't actually refer to nice guys, but rather jerks who act nice just to get girls and then act like they are justified in treating the girl like sh*t and guilt tripping them into staying in the relationship.


Because many self-professed nice guys are actually more like what you described, and that kind of ruined the label. Or those who act nice and feel entitled to something in return. Or believe not standing up for oneself is a nice quality. I should refresh on my knowledge of nice guy theory one of these days :lol:


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Greb
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08 Jul 2013, 12:09 pm

Ann2011 wrote:
Greb wrote:
Well, let's be honest. Feeding ego is a violent way to say it, but face the truth: many men need to feel, at least, a bit 'admired' by their partner. Question: 'A smart woman is able to ask herself, what benefit she had from doing so.?'

Now let's turn the situation upside down: many women need to feel, on the other hand, supported by their partner. And when I say supported, I mean: no matter which is her mood, no matter she's behaving in a irrational way, no matter she's in 'one of these days', a woman needs to feel that her partner is with her and holds her back. Now imagine the question: 'A smart man is able to ask himself, what benefit he had from doing so.?'


Both the man and the woman would have to do a cost benefit analysis, to see if their partner is worth it. I noticed that you gave more examples of women's needs. With regard to behaving irrationally, I don't think that''s gender specific. I also think both would like to be admired by their partner.


Yeap, of course, it's not black and white. Everybody needs a bit of everything, what makes the difference is how much. But... I didn't give more examples of women's need. Indeed, I put one vs. one: need to feel 'admired' even if it's not deserved (men) vs need to be 'supported' even if it's not deserved (women). But as said, not b/w. And of course, when it's deserved if's not a need, it's just fair stuff.

Schneekugel wrote:
Sure I want my partner to support our relationship, as I do. But with things that count, with actions, not with empty words.


Yeap, naturally, why did you think that I meant 'empty words' with support? Anyway, words are important, but you have to hold them back when it comes to the moment.

Schneekugel wrote:
None. Thats why I dont force my partner to support me in my thoughts during my PMS, but I simply separate myself for two days and flee into the world of computers, where partner dont need to back me up while I am Gaga, and where noone cares for innocent dragons that have to face my emotional issues. ^^ After 14 years of experiences, we both agree, that this is the best working way to come by.


And do you make a economical balance in every aspect of the relationship? As 'hey, let's me value what I give and what I get... mmm... I need to increase what I get from this relationship a 15.32%, otherwise it doesn't work out. And let me check... yeap... definitely, I'm gonna need 1.27 more orgasms per week' :D

PS The orgasms story is not really a joke. A old gf from me stated a minimum quantity of orgasms per week as a dealbreaker. 8O


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08 Jul 2013, 1:52 pm

Shatbat wrote:
I'd say that while smart is a very desirable quality, being a stereotypical "nice guy" is not. Boo made a pretty good assessment; perhaps there is a difference between truly smart women and those who feel the need to tell everyone how smart they are, and the latter *could* be compared to guys who feel the need to tell everybody how nice they are.


Arrogance and pretentious attitude are two very unattractive traits, and both have nothing to do with intelligence.



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08 Jul 2013, 2:16 pm

As many posters noted, it is quite common for smart/succesful women to be married or in a relationship. For that matter, it's quite common for nice men to be married or in a relationship. So I think billiscool's thread title is correct. When men say, "Women don't like me because I'm too nice", they are wrong. And when women say "Men don't like me because I'm too smart/succesful", they are wrong in exactly the same way.



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09 Jul 2013, 8:39 am

MR_BOGAN wrote:
Cafeaulait wrote:
Thelibrarian wrote:
Cafeaulait wrote:
Don´t think so. Smart + Beautiful = jackpot.

The thing is, certain men's definition of smart is quite ridiculous.


Cafeaulait, I personally agree with you. I wouldn't have a woman who wasn't intelligent. But smart women do tend to intimidate a lot of men, which is hardly conducive to a fulfilling romantic relationship.

What happens when smart women are fifty, at the tops of their fields, and no longer beautiful in the eyes of most men?


Totally agree.

But the thing is, a lot of intelligent women are quite temperamental and critical. A lot of them WILL have a divergent opinion, are unconventional, or might say things that don't appeal to the majority of people. A lot of men unjustfully 'bash' the intelligent woman, because her attitudes/opinions are different from his or because she is very idealistic.

What I mean to say is that a lot of men say they like intelligent women, but I don't think this is quite true. Intelligent in their eyes = a woman that agrees with everything they say/think.


To me those two groups are the same. Like you saying it should be ok for a women to argue, but not a man.

If you don't think so you are a hypocrite. :silent:


I don´t see what this has to do with what I am saying at all.



Last edited by Cafeaulait on 09 Jul 2013, 8:44 am, edited 1 time in total.

MCalavera
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09 Jul 2013, 8:41 am

Argumentative does not equate to intelligent.



LunaOsa
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17 Dec 2013, 2:17 pm

billiscool wrote:
this whole smart,powerful women bring an interesting thing.
Men have no issues with shy,unpopular,social anxiety women.
but men have issues with smart,powerful women.

or maybe smart women just have bad attitude.


I have to disagree with the whole "men have no issues with shy, unpopular, social anxiety women"

I'm one of those types and I don't have men asking me out all the time. I know for a fact that I'm not ugly. However, I'll just assume you've only made a generalization that may not apply to every woman that's shy, unpopular, and has social anxiety.

Anyway, what about a mixture of both types? A smart, powerful woman who may be a bit shy at times and/or have some social anxiety and who may not be very popular?

Ultimately, I'm a mixture of both. I'm shy and have social anxiety. However, I am smart and when I really care about something, I do try to overcome my anxiety and be the "powerful woman" that you speak of. As for popularity, I am not usually a part of the popular crowd.

Just thought I would bring this up. If it was already mentioned, I'm sorry.



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17 Dec 2013, 6:34 pm

Bill threads equal pop-up ads.



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17 Dec 2013, 9:39 pm

billiscool wrote:
on looking around i've heard some women say ''I am too smart and succesful for men to date me''
that men ''don't like'' smart and successful women, and men ''only want dumb girls''

now this very similiar to the nice guys rant: ''women hate us nice guys,but love jerks''
are ''smart'' women just unattractive women, are they just full of it, or do men really not like
smart and successful women?

are these women truly scaring men off because they are smart, or do they have other issues
that scares men off.

just google. ''men don't like smart women'' ''why successful women single''
and similar terms


What those google results wont tell you is that smart and successful women are still looking for men who are more successful than they are, on a higher salary than they are, have a better car than them, oh and he better be a real bad boy too. Yes, they're full of it and will look down on men less successful than them. You've got no chance.

I do look for smart women but I will not look for a successful woman simply because I do not care how successful she is. How much money she has does not matter, and never should. Statistically It will matter to her though. They are not talking about having problems just getting any kind of suitable partner, they are talking about getting a suitable partner to their standards.