why doesn't anybody ever want me?

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auntblabby
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04 Oct 2013, 5:16 pm

nobody wanted me for over 5 decades.



newageretrohippie
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05 Oct 2013, 12:17 am

Okay, say I create a new OKCupid profile. How should I go about it? What should I say & how?


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zxy8
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05 Oct 2013, 5:05 am

newageretrohippie wrote:
Okay, say I create a new OKCupid profile. How should I go about it? What should I say & how?


Whatever didn't work the last time, don't do that I would presume.



Codyrules37
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05 Oct 2013, 9:37 am

nobody wants me. shes pretty hot



lost561
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05 Oct 2013, 9:53 am

newageretrohippie wrote:
Okay, say I create a new OKCupid profile. How should I go about it? What should I say & how?


I'm just being honest with you here, given your circumstances, you might want to work on those first.

Get a job, a car, get your own place, and then we can talk. At this point, you have nothing to offer a woman, unless she is in the same boat as you- living at home, on disability, with no car and not able to drive. Those are huge factors.

I'm sorry to break the news to you. I would work on improving your situation though.



newageretrohippie
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05 Oct 2013, 10:34 am

lost561 wrote:
newageretrohippie wrote:
Okay, say I create a new OKCupid profile. How should I go about it? What should I say & how?


I'm just being honest with you here, given your circumstances, you might want to work on those first.

Get a job, a car, get your own place, and then we can talk. At this point, you have nothing to offer a woman, unless she is in the same boat as you- living at home, on disability, with no car and not able to drive. Those are huge factors.

I'm sorry to break the news to you. I would work on improving your situation though.


in other words, I'm going to die alone unless I can somehow get cyber-brain implants a la Ghost in the Shell so I can turn my AS off at will in order to work and possibly win the frakking lottery to afford a car & my own place....not everybody actually CAN "get a job" due to various circumstances, unless Nintendo wants to hire me as an idea guy or I somehow start making money doing Let's Plays as that's all I'm capable of.


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Stargazer43
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05 Oct 2013, 10:44 am

lost561 wrote:
I'm just being honest with you here, given your circumstances, you might want to work on those first.

Get a job, a car, get your own place, and then we can talk. At this point, you have nothing to offer a woman, unless she is in the same boat as you- living at home, on disability, with no car and not able to drive. Those are huge factors.

I'm sorry to break the news to you. I would work on improving your situation though.


Hate to say it, but I have to agree here. Dating will be incredibly difficult for you in your current situation, and I think that your effort would be far better spent on improving your current circumstances. Not to say it would be impossible, but like the previous poster mentioned, you would probably have to find someone in similar life circumstances to have much success with it.

There is nothing wrong with being on disability if you do have a genuine disability that prevents you from being able to function in the workplace. But if that is not the case, then I would recommend trying to get a job, or at least some way to support yourself, so that you can gain greater independence from your parents. I say this because some people get on disability simply because they can, and not because they have to. So if your disability does not limit your ability to hold a job, then I'd make that a #1 priority.

Living at home is a greater challenge. In your early to mid twenties, most people will be pretty forgiving if you live at home, many do nowadays. But being in your 30s, it will send off red flags to potential dating prospects, and significantly lessen your chances. Depending on where you live, there may be some efficiency apartments that go for a really cheap rate.

Not having a car isn't an issue if you live in an area with a lot of public transportation. If not, then it can be a pretty major factor. A woman you've just met isn't going to want to be your chauffeur, and it isn't the best idea to have your parents drop you off/pick you up from a date. It basically boils down to: if you do meet someone, how are you going to transport yourself to see them and do things with them?

I don't know what disability you have, but it may be worthwhile to try to join some sort of disability support group in your area and meet people through that. Someone with a similar disability will be far more understanding than someone who has never experienced it, and may be more understanding of your current circumstances.



lost561
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05 Oct 2013, 10:48 am

newageretrohippie wrote:
lost561 wrote:
newageretrohippie wrote:
Okay, say I create a new OKCupid profile. How should I go about it? What should I say & how?


I'm just being honest with you here, given your circumstances, you might want to work on those first.

Get a job, a car, get your own place, and then we can talk. At this point, you have nothing to offer a woman, unless she is in the same boat as you- living at home, on disability, with no car and not able to drive. Those are huge factors.

I'm sorry to break the news to you. I would work on improving your situation though.


in other words, I'm going to die alone unless I can somehow get cyber-brain implants a la Ghost in the Shell so I can turn my AS off at will in order to work and possibly win the frakking lottery to afford a car & my own place....not everybody actually CAN "get a job" due to various circumstances, unless Nintendo wants to hire me as an idea guy or I somehow start making money doing Let's Plays as that's all I'm capable of.



Yes, that is pretty much the case. Unless you can find a woman that wants to babysit you, but generally women want to feel like they are the ones being taken care of.

Why are you not capable of getting a job? Have you taken medications to help you out?

You can try to attack the problem or if you already have , than retreat.



Codyrules37
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05 Oct 2013, 10:52 am

yah you can move out and get an apartment. This video might give you some inspiration.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UzJIrtw8WZE[/youtube]



Stargazer43
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05 Oct 2013, 10:58 am

[quote="newageretrohippie"in other words, I'm going to die alone unless I can somehow get cyber-brain implants a la Ghost in the Shell so I can turn my AS off at will in order to work and possibly win the frakking lottery to afford a car & my own place....not everybody actually CAN "get a job" due to various circumstances, unless Nintendo wants to hire me as an idea guy or I somehow start making money doing Let's Plays as that's all I'm capable of.[/quote]

I don't think that at all. I just think that you will have to put in more effort than the average person. As they say, nothing worth having comes easily. And as I mentioned, none of the factors in your life exclude you from dating, they just significantly limit your prospects. And even if you can't change your lack of a job, car, or place of your own, there are still ways that you can greatly improve your chances in dating. But like I said, it will probably take a significant amount of effort on your part.



auntblabby
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05 Oct 2013, 2:34 pm

Stargazer43 wrote:
I don't think that at all. I just think that you will have to put in more effort than the average person. As they say, nothing worth having comes easily. And as I mentioned, none of the factors in your life exclude you from dating, they just significantly limit your prospects. And even if you can't change your lack of a job, car, or place of your own, there are still ways that you can greatly improve your chances in dating. But like I said, it will probably take a significant amount of effort on your part.

that is the rub, many of us are incapable of sustained extreme effort- frontal lobes fallen down on the job and all. will power requires one's frontal lobes to be functioning at peak efficiency.



ThetaIn3D
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05 Oct 2013, 2:49 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
I feel the same, personally, like I'm not really worth knowing and loving.


Everyone has these low moments where nothing's coming to them or it's just not working out, and they think the problem must be they themselves. But for the record HB, you've got charm and attractiveness coming out your ears. And you're smart as a whip, so if your thinking truly reflects what others are thinking about you at all, then they must be crazy.



FunkMasterMike
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08 Oct 2013, 4:22 am

Lol I'm in-shape and have only had 1 date from OKcupid and PoF combined! She was crazy, and hated her own race. Weird right?

You have to understand that the system of those dating websites allows people to reject, hand pick, and respond to who they want without being labeled as "weird" or "awkward." Since you can view many profiles in a short amount of time, people can be super-duper-picky.

Today I actually just cancelled both of my free dating memberships, they were a frickin' waste of time.



Tequila
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08 Oct 2013, 4:42 am

FunkMasterMike wrote:
Today I actually just cancelled both of my free dating memberships, they were a frickin' waste of time.


I think the only way is into that scary place called the real world.

But I don't have much success there either.

So it goes.



newageretrohippie
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10 Oct 2013, 11:03 pm

Okay, so I'm working on my new OKCupid profile with help from my best friend ( I know that sounds crazy considering my feelings for her, but she knows me better than anybody )...only need to figure out what to say in the "Self Summary" and "You should message me if" sections and get some pics up. Only pics I have of myself atm are from like 5 or 6 years ago, but she's an amazing photographer and will be giving me something of a photo shoot soon ( she needs to figure out her schedule a bit and find out if she can use her dad's high-end Nikon )

Obviously, I know not to mention my Asperger's this time....and we realized I can spin my living situation as my parents needing me around to help out with stuff ( which is somewhat true ). Any good advice for pics? I was thinking a couple fun ones & 1 of me holding my cat...


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RetroGamer87
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11 Oct 2013, 5:53 am

newageretrohippie wrote:
Any good advice for pics? I was thinking a couple fun ones & 1 of me holding my cat...


Sounds good but have some pictures of you with your male friends. Woman like to feel that in getting a man their expanding their network of friends. Only include female friends in a group shot with other men included. You don't want it to look like you already have a girlfriend. Spam a few dozen women everynight. Over your life time that would add up to thousands so your odds increase. Consider trying some other dating sites as well. Why does everyone on Wrong Planet just use OKCupid? Is it the most popular one in America? I don't think they even have it in my country.

In addition to online dating, just get out more. I know it might seem like even when you're surrounded by women that it's impossible to make any of them into your girlfriend so what's the point and how can you even find out if they're single but the other night a woman started flirting with me and this was after she already knew I lived at home.

I could count my friends without taking my socks off but I also try to get out in public a few times a week. I do stuff at a couple of community centers, I play the keyboard in their music group, I frequent three different churches even though I'm an atheist (because churches do things besides just hold mass). So do stuff like that. Just go outside and meet people and then you'll improve your odds because now there's a one in a thousand chance a desperate 30 year old will start flirting with you like what happened with me.

Also remember that when a woman is attracted to you it may be based on subconscious factors that aren't related to your social status such as if she's ovulating, pheromones, whether she can detect you immune differs from yours, etc if all these factors add up and she's desperate she's yours. Remember most of these are things that don't work with online dating. You have to meet in person.

Can't get your own place? Once your going steady move in with her. If your long term plan is to cohabitate then one of you will eventually have to give up your house anyway so this will save you the trouble of having to get one in the first place. Don't have anything to say but want to fill up your profile? Learn the art of writing much and saying nothing. I did that in school and still got a passing grade. Or you could just talk about your interests. Anime for example. Talk about where you would like to go for a date instead of where you live.

If you can't get a job try volunteering and you get asked what you do you can say you do that. Some women are pretty impressed when they here men volunteer. It makes them seem altruistic. Your not just working to get paid but out of the kindness of your heart. Also try learning a musical instrument. People light up when you tell them you play an instrument and it's a fun thing to do. Also something that can be done in groups. Don't think learning a musical instrument is just for children. I didn't get a piano tutor until I was in my teens and I didn't start teaching myself the glockenspiel until the last couple of years.

Remember you can't do anything to guarantee success, only improve your odds so go do that. Good luck.