We have ourselves to blame

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but you are presuming upon your topics being interesting...

socializing is about enduring those things about others that make us puke - now go off and tattoo that upon your forearm

What's the point then if as an aspie that isn't reciprocated? It strikes me your time is better spent with computers, books and dogs.

Yeah, maybe I have a bad attitude, but I really don't see why my free time should be devoted to humouring other people's interests.

cats. It's cats, mate.


only if you want to have company do you have to humour other people's interests. if you are happy on your own then, obviously, there is no need.

I sense bitterness and unhappiness from Ferrus's posts. I think Ferrus is upset about the lack of connection, and resents other people for it.

Note here, I'm not making you out to be a bad person. Just very unhappy.

That may or may not be the case, but the interesting fallacy to my mind is that by somehow putting on a false persona you make yourself any less unhappy by 'being around' people, or acting in such a way that people want to be around you. In my experience, you don't get anything out of that, unless you're using them for some reason which requires Machiavellian social skills beyond an aspie. You just feel as much alone, but in addition you have your time wasted - time where whatever dissatisfaction you have could be better dealt with by immersing yourself in those things that allow you to concentrate to the point where you don't think or ask existential questions.

you beat me to the punch it's ringneck doves girlie though a dog or cat will do at a pinch

There's more to valuing a person's company than just the words that come out of their mouth. No-one is suggesting that you have to fake interest to talk to people, but when people do start talking about stuff you're not interested in, its probably because they think you care. Whether you like them enough to humour that is down to you.

For example, my best friend often goes into tangents about stuff in his physics degree (no, he is NOT autistic, he just really loves physics). Most of the stuff he goes on about I have only an inkling of understanding, but I humour him because I know he really wants someone to share it with (and he also tries to keep it short for my sake), and we spend more than enough time talking to know that our conversations amount to more varied subjects than just physics. On the other hand, I occasionally prattle on about (arguably more mundane) subjects that he has limited experience/interest in, for exactly the same reasons, and on those occasions the roles are reversed. Its never a one way conversation, but we have respect for each other to let ourselves express our interests openly without telling ourselves we're wasting the others time. That's how friendship works. You give some, you take some.

Perhaps let people earn your respect. A person is more than the sum of their interests- morals are damn important too. Certain people I would perhaps never talk to if I didn't think they were good characters. Certain people who seemed awesome at first glance because they liked Zelda or what-have-you turned out to be tossers (or just not as excellent as I thought they were).

I can safely tell you though, not dealing with your issues towards people and social interaction is a far more fallacious choice than pretending they don't exist. A solved problem always trumps an ignored one, as far as comfortable living goes.

For me the challenge starts at the very beginning, the process of meeting a girl and expressing interest in her. Apparently the very act of walking up to an attractive woman is considered creepy in this paranoid age, never mind actually trying to talk to her. Even if I get past that and manage to start the rudiments of a conversation with her, it usually turns out that she's too busy with school, work, or her existing friendships to spend time with me, and these are the single ladies.

hmm
I don't have that problem, people don't really see me as a jerk, more as kind, nice, shy, sweet, and funny. I say and do funny things and it makes people laugh. sometimes i mean to others i don't either way i don't know why but i won't complain. most of the time people think i'm normal its not until they stick around long enough to notice things and usually after i tell them what i have.

I have problems sometimes of getting stuck on topics(though i've gotten better on letting it go) but i do need someone to tell me sometimes that i've told them that or keep talking about it. I also sometimes forget to communicate things and instead just go do it and people find that rude, not that i mean to be this partly stems from my feeling i shouldn't talk to people even though i love to .

I'm old fashioned(opening doors, removing hate, greetings, saying excuse me(when i talk) etc. I try my best to listen to people(sometimes i love it like hearing about the day of someone i love) i find it hard to remember/pay attention to stuff i don't like but texting is nice cause i can reread it. I care about them but i also have add. when it comes to a romantic relationship though i found i can remember alot of stuff. not that i've had a relationship but i felt greatly for a girl once(long story)

i have grown to where i can approach guys i don't know, but women no um way to shy especially if i think they out of my league. I'm on dating sites and after 24 years of life i was actually able to message women but being either ignored or rejected by 200+ women in 3 months fixed that so now i'm mostly too scared though i do occasionally message, but i weed out any women i think are out of my league(think, gorgeous women, women with long list of requirements)

the problem i have is its hard to get a full time job, and i'm not the best looking(though some women have said i am o.O but idk if they lying or not) and i'm larger thought not obese thanks to being 6'4" so no job(get ssi), not super attractive, not athletic, i don't get a chance with women so idk what problems my disorder would cause except getting stuck on a topic which is what happen with one girl i got the closest to but that was the end of that no chance to fix it, i hadn't realized i was stuck on it i don't think i'll tell a girl i have aspergers though i will cause i am a tell all and everything trust person >.< it just comes out stupid honesty

I've had women friends i tend to liked them more then guy friends. women tended to be nicer and more understanding then guys. but they don't want to be gf/bf

I think i could be a good bf that requires some patience and work. I'm romantic, funny, caring, passionate (i rememeber important dates ie birthday anniversary) I like to make people happy. but with online dating most people look at your picture before they look at the messages (3 paragraphs custom written adressing our common interests(i got pretty tired spending the time to just get rejected)) or profile. and i can't just approach random women at the mall. Aslo surposealy some women flirt with me(says my sister or friends) but i don't see it >.< i mean what is non verbal flirting anyways. wheres the line between flirt and just being nice. like is getting a free coffee at a place a flirt or nice idk

probably should have made my own post but i'm too shy too its easier to reply to stuff similar to mine so like my other post feel free to delete i guess.

Ps how many women like men to open/hold open doors for them, cause i've got some mean respones to doing it and then also some that don't thank you for it.

So do we have any ladies who are willing to put their hands up and start a thread like this ? i wanna be entertained

yahoo answer you might find some.

aspie girlies i get the impression here they think their perfect

I deleted my last comment because it would have been more appropriate to Bill's response.

I would find it entertaining as well, especially through Yahoo answers. A lot of girls I have dated in the past have blamed me for decisions they made on their own... or at least made me feel that way

^^

it's called being a women I get it from my mom all the time .

agreed. Kind of learning it from "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus."

and where are we

Answer here !