OkCupid experiences?

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So...you wouldn't have replied to the most recent OkC message I received, which said simply "Go away!"?

For me, "casual dating" is a heinous thing. I'd really like to know someone pretty well online (and maybe phone conversations) before meeting in person. So I'm likely to invest a lot of time in messaging back and forth before even considering meeting someone in person. Even if it goes well, it's going to be horrendously stressful for me, so I'd like to know there's at least some genuine attraction (beyond just looks) before taking that step. I think maybe Aspie men feel the same way?

Someone (maybe you, Buff?) said that one should not spend too much time messaging before setting up an in person meeting, as the other person tends to lose interest in the back-and-forth before too long? I seem to recall there was usually a kind of an apex in the online communications somewhere between a few days and a couple weeks, where the interest seemed to be the most intense. Would that be the time to get together?

LOL! No, I wouldn't have. I do remember that the vast majority of messages I received were along the lines of "hi how r u" or "ur beautifull" [sic].

BTW, I'm not and never have been classically beautiful - maybe *slightly* more attractive than average....my avatar is a fair-to-middling cartoon representation of my actual looks. So a) they're illiterate, and b) they're lying.

At the risk of sounding repetitive, on the one hand I'm embarrassed for my gender by the stupid things other men write to women online, but on the other I'm grateful that they make it so easy to stand out.

I was repeating information I read elsewhere. It basically said to have an "ask out" by message 5 and to drop the thread if they weren't interested. The main theory behind this goes back to my other point about emotional needs and sex: if they aren't willing to actually meet than they have substantial emotional needs / trust issues and just move on since dates are supposed to be just casual distractions anyways you don't need all that much info to commit to one.

That is, of course, advice for NT - NT relationships I think. On the other hand, as an aspie, you probably DO have more emotional needs than others. Not nessesarily a bad thing.

I think I am going to stick to the ask out at msg 5, because (again, same as sex) girls who are not interested will stop messaging me and those who are, but just want more info, will keep talking to me. Some may even say yes.

The thing I'm worried about now is getting too sappy, but idk. I also realized that what I called flattery was just flirting... I kinda need to work on those because that means whatever I considered flirting before was probobly not even in the right realm.

This also sounds like an approach with merit. I am soooo tempted to go ahead and put a profile back up, just so I can participate in these threads with a better knowledge base. Will have to think about that.....

Here's my perspective on it (a guy in his mid 20's) although I'm mainly sort of echoing what other people have said.
I've used it a while after I was introduced to online dating a few years ago by a cousin. I've put a lot of effort into it and getting dates on it isn't the easiest of tasks, but it seems to happen once in a while. I've met some cool people over the years. Nothing long-term yet though. There doesn't seem to be many people left in my area.

Should have spent an extra 12,000 on the ring instead! That way, if she said no, he'd get to keep the ring.

But yeah, I don't understand how such marriages work out, either and yet they sometimes do... for a given definition of "work out".



I'd really like to believe this, but what about all the other aspie guys here who haven't been as successful as you? I've never seen anyone post "I send heaps of messages telling women 'u r hot, mary me?' and I get no responses. What could the problem be?" Everyone says they write thoughtful, polite messages - and still get nowhere. So there must be quite a bit more to it than that.

well, duh. It's their thought processes and misconceptions of what is and isn't polite that are skewed by ASD. That's what the "quite a bit more to it," is.

I can't imagine some one would want to date some one like me , in fact I think I would lose respect for them if they did !
Am I alone here

no offense just stating a opinion .

you confuse me (again) so why do you post those jerk faces responses here on wp ? you enjoy a laugh so deep down you enjoy it

I'm not allowed to repeat it last time I did I got edited out glad sad aspie caught it before it did , it shant be repeated

ps not sure how boiled alive sea cockroach with deadly metals and poisons embedded in it is seen as "romantic" . I've become more self righteous as I age

Nobody ever messages or responds on that site. It doesn't matter what they say on their profile, or how similar you are to them in interests. It's pretty ridiculous. I've had more social encounters on Tumblr and Tastebuds.

I get some responses.

Here's an interesting link about female vs. male messaging and responses.

http://www.businessinsider.com/online-d ... ics-2013-7

^^^

good grief we men are a pathetic and desperate lot

I wouldn't mind a gf though I have to much self respect than go for the "chase"