Women changing men.

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Eureka: It's really frustrating, too, because I know I shouldn't assume that people are rational and reasonable, but damned if that isn't where my head goes whenever I'm surprised by something (and in general, as a default). So many bad things that have happened to me wouldn't have if I was able to be suspicious of others. I really wish I was.

Yep, if I hadn't assumed that about people, I wouldn't have married my ex-husband, and he wouldn't have spent all my money. I should have been able to retire a few years ago - as it is now, I'm looking at having to work another 10 years.

Trying to avoid something like that happening again when I go back out into the dating world - of course, it *can't* happen again, because I no longer have any money for someone to sucker me out of!

Name of Boo: Actually, I usually find them at my university. Several of the things on that list came out of the mouth of a math PhD, a few more from a fella in my program, some from dates with people I've met through student groups, etc.

These are young, upwardly mobile professional types. The sewers were not involved.

billiscool: Not necessarily. I'm very specifically talking about people who are either not being honest (they want a sex-only relationship but are pretending to want another kind of relationship) or don't know how to express what they want (they may think they want a relationship, but their interactions with me are all sh***y and/or sex-only focused.)

Next time you go on a date, talk to and listen to the person you're on the date with. That's really the bottom line I keep trying to express here. Talk to and listen to the person you're on the date with. Treat them like they're worth listening to. There really is no secret formula for getting laid and/or instantly finding a perfect relationship, but at least making a conscious effort to communicate and pay attention has a chance of being interpreted well.

billiscool: No, I date other people in my program or in other graduate school programs. I'm in grad school (for my second Master's degree.)

billiscool: No, 56% of my program is female.

billiscool: I date across the university's grad programs, meeting people through classes taken together/projects worked on together (I take classes in three departments and also tutor for several departments), employment (say, the IT guy where I work), student groups (I'm an atheist, and there are atheist meetups), and friends. I used to have a profile on OK Cupid and I met one person through it whom I still contact, and I was brutally honest on my profile.

Let me put it to you this way: how many times a day do you feel like no one listens to you or understands you? How excited would you be to be on a date or even just hanging out with someone who asks you questions about your interests, carries on a conversation about them or is interested in learning about them, listens to your bad day story and otherwise behaves like your ideas and opinions are worth listening to?

Hint: most people are VERY excited to be paid attention to, and I'm insatiably curious, so it works out for both of us.

Mouthyb: your an atheist,are you a feminist and liberal too.