Who are the Self Proclaimed Nice Guys here?

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What is the point of this?

I want to start a new list of all the WP members you think are actually unicorns.

The point of this thread was for someone to start naming names so that this thread could be scrapped. So since nobody else wanted to, I did exactly that. To answer your question salamandaqwerty, I think Moog is a unicorn. I've thought that for a few years, although I have no real proof other than my weapons grade detective skill insights which haven't failed me yet.

Your weapons grade detective skill insights are always on the ball, I will be keeping my eye on Moog

I always thought nice was a compliment,now I worry if I tell someone I think they are nice it will be perceived as some sort of subtle insult.

The point of this thread is to make members to confess!

It has been for some time that every while a member creates a thread to give a bash or give a lesson to Nice Guys™ ie. "Hey you Nice Guys™ of WP, you all suck!!". So I always wondered to whom they addressing all these speeches.

It's not an insult, Misslizard. Its only an insult to insecure men who feel inadequate around other men and don't think they can ever measure up. Nice guy is just a reference to how romantically self-aware someone is. If we didn't have a hyper-competitive value system with little assumed tolerance for mistakes and perceived weakness, it would be a compliment. There's no time to learn! We must move in now! Prepare for battle! All competent personnel, move in! Forward, march!

Yeah, it's weird how languages evolve.

For example, in French the verb "baiser" always meant "to kiss", now it means "To f**k!".

Are you guys ever gonna let this nice guy thing go?

It's all a bit silly though. I had no idea of all this 'nice guy tm' and white knight bollocks before joining this site. God I wish people would just chill the f**k out and stop assuming all this alpha male BS makes any sense at all.

Yeah, but alpha males outcompete beta males for the precious women!

Choice? Blast! Compete! Claim your prize for all that strife! She better be worth it!

This is the second thread in the past few days where I really have no clue what the subject is, and where it seems like everyone is talking about the same term but using different definitions.

Are you absolutely sure that everyone on this board who is considered a Nice Guy™ follow that pattern? I was describing a pattern that I've seen in L&D that I've observed for the last 6 years I've been here that the majority of them are not manipulative, nor do they actually hate women. Again, while a minority of them are actually nasty, most of them aren't and there at least 2 guys in this this thread alone who have been accused of being Nice Guys™ who do not deserve the label. So, some people are bitter, so what? People are bitter about the fact that others are more successful than them in all aspects of life. Take a look at the General Autism discussion forum, there are even a few people there who are bitter that some aspies have been more successful in life than they were and complain that the more successful people shouldn't be representing them if they did some self-advocacy work. It just get the same reaction as it does in th L&D forum. Getting older and continuously being unsuccessful in the dating arena (even you just have string of relationships, I still count having any relationships at all as success) is particularly painful because in a certain sense, having someone to love and who love's you is a human need and the combination of that with the fact aspies typically don't have many friends either just leads to more loneliness, as if being single doesn't cause loneliness already. People sometimes rant on the internet in a way that they wouldn't do in real life.

Being nice is functionally dishonest, eh? I guess we should all be jerks then because that's more honest and it reflects better how they really are, which apparently you know better than they do despite the fact that you've only met them on the internet and not in real life, how wonderful.

Alice Cooper doesn't seem very fond of them, and he's never led me astray before.

Jono: Did you... read what I wrote? I've repeatedly commented on this and other threads that people who behave that way call themselves nice or believe they are nice, but are actually not nice. The niceness they're referring to is dishonest because it is coupled with manipulative behavior, blame-shifting, and emotional dishonesty/antipathy. Nice was meant to be interpreted in the context of the sort of niceness I was talking about in the same paragraph.

Nevertheless, for the sake of clarity, please read the sentence in question as: It may not be intentionally dishonest, but being a "nice" person is functionally dishonest.

You will notice I have not named names, if you read my posts. This is for several reasons:

First, I disagree with some of the people characterized as "nice guys." Of course, I haven't been around long enough to know people as well as I might, so I may be missing something. I'm going to reserve judgement in most cases until I have more evidence.

Second, naming people is pointless. My discussion has been entirely focused on defining the term, for the express purpose of providing a guideline by which to know if your behavior makes you (or anyone reading) a "nice guy/girl".

If I tell someone I think they're being a nice guy/girl, they probably won't listen to me. I'm assuming that most of the people reading have the desire to self-improve and care about the topic. If they do, they'll read and they may find those characteristics useful. If they don't, nothing I could say would change that.

And finally, I am not mocking the need to be in a relationship. I have a lot of sympathy with the need to be loved. However, needing to be in a relationship and being that kind of a "nice person" are not related. You (the general you, not you specifically) do not have to be manipulative to be in a relationship, nor do you have to resent everyone else for being in a relationship. You (the general you, not you specifically) could opt to be genuinely nice, for instance, and it couldn't hurt your chances.

If the comment about just having a string of relationships was meant to be a dig, my response is that it is better to have a string of relationships than to stay in a miserable relationship for the company. Those were my choices. I don't regret them.

Jono, if you're going to take me to task for something you think I believe or am saying about people on the forum, take me to task for what I wrote. Essentially, corresponding on these "nice guy" threads gets me nothing, and is time I should probably spend on programming, chores or papers I have to write. The ONLY reason I do so is to provide a functional definition for the term, in the hope that someone reads the definition and finds it useful.

Before I can answer that question, there are too many variables here.

what is a 'nice guy' <-- this alone is very perceptive.
Nice as in:
good looking.. <perceptive
handsome, <--perceptive
nice manners <--- opens door, help you seat at the table :some women enjoy, others resent this
intelligent, <-- definition of this? I have a high IQ,does that make me intelligent.. with my aspie-traits I come over as clumsy, odd...
good in bed? <--- again perceptive.

So I like to be able to narrow the variables, before I can say if I am a 'nice guy'

It can be beneficial in some cases, like occasional early saturday/sunday mornings when you're too toasted to even stand up straight for more than 5 secs.

Although for me it's more like sporadical than occasional because you know how most aspies roll (or fail to roll).