Would it be creepy to approach a hot stranger in the street?

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Even if it worked for him sometimes, it was making the worlds of all those other women even less friendly. Street harassment has measureable effects on people's psychological condition. Selfish way to get a date.

Did you ever say anything to him about it?

Helpful resource, btw: http://www.stopstreetharassment.org Oh, and about the "they didn't look unhappy" bit -- we learn pretty early on that looking upset only leads to more aggressive harassment. You play along even if it feels terrible.

^
Nah, I mean my coworkers and I were kind of embarrassed when he'd do it, like if your friend starts to do something incredibly stereotypical and you don't want to be associated with it, but we figured it was his business, and if it worked for him, who were we to judge? This was about 8 years ago now, when I was working at a sh***y wing joint in our University District, and it was just how things worked in that neighborhood, what with the drunken frat-boy population and all, and it's not like early 20's me is going to call out my mid 30's coworker who is actually getting dates because I think he's ridiculous. Like I said, it wasn't my style, not something I'd ever even think about doing, but it did work, and it's pretty hard to tell someone not to do something that works, especially if you're trying to prove a negative, like that all those smiling women really were just pretending to like the attention. I viewed it a lot like panhandling; I don't like it and it can be obnoxious and make some people feel bad, but how am I supposed to argue against something that is actually effective?

Because it makes people feel bad? I mean burglary's effective too, a lot of the time, but it leaves people feeling not only robbed but violated, freaks kids out, is overall a bad thing. If you know the thing you're doing is hurting people then, you know, stop.

As someone who's worked a lot of retail, I'm very much anti-panhandling and pro- having enough decent civic services in place to help people who can't get by without begging. I hear a lot of stuff about how it ought to be allowed because otherwise it's sweeping a social problem under the rug, but that sounds perfectly nuts to me: rather than have a street zoo of social problems for nice middle-class types to come edify themselves in, how about actually help the people out in some meaningful and permanent way. And if they're there as a scam, get 'em out, and if they're mentally ill, offer treatment and a safe place to stay.

And yeah, I'm saying that women smile and pretend they like it. Because it's not worth further harassment and being yelled at to smile, and it's a way of defusing the situation. But it doesn't mean it feels good. I've lost patience with that stuff, but I'm old. Last time I had guys in a truck staring at me -- I was out for a run -- I just got pissed and started running toward the truck, and I think something in how I did it must've indicated that unless they wanted a confrontation they'd be leaving. They did. But it's not something I'd recommend doing.

I've got a guy at work who's about 4392 years old and a real creep, and everyone pretends he's adorable but in private will admit that he's very creepy and that they're afraid one of these days he'll lay hands on an undergrad and all hell will break loose. I smile at him, too, because he's just that creepy -- I just want to get the hell away from him. But I think next time he even gets near physical creepiness I'm turning him in, I don't care how many feet he's got in the grave. Bleah.

I worked with a guy like that for a short time this past spring. We were doing some construction work in a rather well to do downtown neighbourhood and he was shouting from a 3rd floor balcony to a woman in the courtyard below.. asking her if she was bringing those bottles of wine up to have with him etc. He was a middle aged Irishman who was extremely forward and a bit embarrassing to be beside as he did it. BUT, he wasn't harassing her & she did respond and smile/laugh and say she was going to visit a friend in the neighbouring building etc vs. running away scared or anything. IMO he was quite low class, but didn't say anything that would have constituted harassment in the eyes of the law. Same kinda thing as your story.. I figure he's a bit of a loser, but whatever, if it works for him then go right ahead and talk to women like that all ya want. I did kind of wonder what kind of women that would attract, though. My guess is ones that are equally as low class as he was.

You're conflating shouting complements at strangers with breaking into their houses and stealing their possessions?

If I may digress for a moment, that's the kind of comparison that causes people outside of feminist circles to not take you seriously, as it's simply a ridiculous statement, like an overwrought Hitler analogy. Even if you argue that complimenting women in the street is harmful to some of them and just hand wave away the portion that is not bothered if not actively flattered, you're still not even in the same ballpark as a home invasion.



Personally, I'm for a guaranteed income and housing for chronic inebriates and such because it's cheaper than treating them in hospitals when they get really sick and/or locking them up, which requires more police and prison infrastructure, which I'd like to reduce, but I'm not sure I'd go so far as to outlaw it. I'm certainly annoyed by it, more than most when I recognize the panhandler in question because I went to high school with them and know that they're middle class and living with their parents and just doing it for weed money, which happens more than you might think.



What percentage? Like I said, I've seen hollering work, and I'm sure lots of other guys have too, so at least some women do like it, enough to come over and give their number to a stranger, and so it can be implied that a greater portion don't actually mind it either, but aren't intrigued enough to do anything beyond acknowledgment. That's the tough part, you're trying to tell guys to disregard signals and believe in something based on some academic study that may or may not be correct, when what they've been doing has been working, and to their perception has been well received, and that's not an easy sale to make, doubly so when you're on an AS board. I'm also not talking about anything rude or obnoxious here, just a shouted greeting/invitation.



One of my exes once had a guy run up and start rapping on her car window after honking at, flipping off, and following her for a while; she rapped back with a Glock 19, which cooled his enthusiasm considerably, as in a dead run back to his truck and a hurried burn out. Can't say I recommend that technique for all male aggression, but I can't argue with the efficacy...



When you say "creepy", what exactly do you mean? I've seen that word used to describe everything from awkwardness and social faux pas to stalking type behavior and trying to carry off drunk women, so I truly don't know what to make of that without more info.

Once again... the scenario you describe about your grandparents did not take place in the street between random strangers, which IS what the OP started this thread about.

Your grandparents met "at a friend's house".

TOTALLY different scenario. A friend's house.

The OP's question is about whether or not it's okay to find women to date by just walking up to someone he sees on the street. And it's not the compliment itself that anyone is objecting to, it's more the fact that the OP is thinking that the only way he wants to meet women is to pick up strangers on the streets.

That's not "a friend's house," nor a social occasion as detailed by vicky.

.

lmao

Cat-calling in the street. Wretched. Of course I always smiled back because to do anything else, even to ignore was to potentially 'invite' more aggressive comments like "Stuck up b***h"

Can people meet 'in the street' - well, I know of ONE story. A guy I dated briefly told me how his ex was actually pinched on the bottom by a guy behind her as she walked up the stairs into a train station and they ended up together. But it's so rare that it's 'story-able'. And I was told that the guy that did it apparently is as amazed by his own behaviour as anyone - he'd never done anything like that before and certainly didn't think it was appropriate behaviour. So, I guess it does sometimes pay off, but it's a high risk strategy and is very off-putting to many women. It can make us actually quite scared.

Also to the OP your general view on humanity is so low that I'm wondering how you'd know if a woman on the street was your type anyway, beyond a physical type.

You're one to talk *snort*

Wow. I just have to say I love that video. If that's for real (ie. the women were not actors) it's just amazing. Not a word. Just... wow.

Can't wait to try this out after I buy a Lamborghini!

Yup, and those are most likely the same type of women who would enjoy getting compliments on their looks from random strangers on the street. If that's the type of woman who interests you, go for it!

ETA: Also? That video looks (and sounds) totally scripted. If not, how many incidents were filmed to get these four or five really, really stupid women?

I just ignore people who yell things on the street.As long as it's not something nasty,I don't really care.I don't want to encourage it,I think it's juvenile.On the flip side in HS I had a female friend that yelled stuff at construction workers.Her favorite was,"Hey,nice jeans!! !"The men seemed to like it.If someone yelled that at me I'd think they were serious and tell them the brand.
When my daughter and I were standing in line at a coffee shop the man by us complimented her hairstyle.We didn't find it creepy.What I found creepy was in the grocery store later where a man was staring at her butt like a hungry dog does a hamburger.He was offensive and he never said a word.If I'm standing next to someone and they have a nice jacket on,or earrings,I'll say something to compliment them.If I blurted out,"nice coat,what's your phone number?"Now that would be creepy as all get out.
I'd be suspicious of anyone male or female that made advances on the street,I'd think they were up to some sort of scam.

that Lamborghini video has to be scripted.

Oh but tarantella, my stance regarding this matter is very obvious and regarding approaching strangers as well, I was clearly criticizing the victim's blaming, especially the clothing blaming.

I am not mocking birdflight's defensiveness but I was criticizing her thinking of correlating the way a woman dresses to the frequency of harassment - that's totally not true, an pua would harass/attempt to pick up any woman in certain circumstance regardless how she wears.

She said later:


So she would be less surprised if some jerk pua harasses a woman in the middle of the street in case she wears non-conservatively? This way of thinking is wrong, very wrong, this way of thinking is kinda normalizing this behavior toward "non-conservatively"-dressed women.
She should be subconsciously SURPRISED whenever any man does this to any woman regardless how she wears because this is a abnormal predator behavior- and not only just when she is wearing conservatively.
You got my point?

And yes, I know she didn't mention "asking for it" but...as it I said earlier, this mentality is one of the contributors to this thinking - it's conditioned into culture and it's not right.



I do this within the limitation of my physical strength, I have a little body stature of 163 cm height only - when someone for example whistles/catcalls at one of my female friends I would give him the "stop it" stare or verbally tell him to stop, I would rarely confront physically unless I get confronted first even though this is always very likely to happen because it's much probable for a male bully/offender to go physical when confronted by a physically weaker male.

I am also very vulnerable to harassment/bullying in my daily life.

Btw, I might have sounded joking/jeering but I was being very serious in replying to birdflight. I am gonna say it loud again: Her way of thinking regarding conservative/non-conservative clothing is WRONG.

Me shit-stirrer? How horrid!! I swear I was not trying to shit-stir.




Drawing Attention =/= to be harassed or approached in the middle of street.

Also wearing "in ways that are known to draw attention from men" might be simply a fashion sense, or seeking attention from a specific person or in a specific event - and not 24/7 attention seeking from plenty of strangers and everywhere.

You are assuming too much from dressing "in ways that are known to draw attention from men" - Your mentality is showing again here.



I know you don't, but you were somehow assuming that those who wear "in certain ways known to draw attention" are seeking or inviting attention from strangers in the middle of the street - this is where you completely get it wrong.






Stop insulting and calling me names just because I had criticized your earlier words/thinking, have some self-respect.


And:


The "she asking for it" false belief often comes from the seeds of the other false beliefs like "she dresses sexy to draw attention from strangers" or "if she wears conservatively she's less likely to get harassment" .

Please give it a thought about all what you said earlier before you go name-calling again.

Boo, I think there's a simple misunderstanding here.

Little girls get taught, from the time they're old enough to understand: Cover up! You're going to attract the wrong kind of attention! Even here, even in a liberal society, that damn message is around all the time. Dont wear revealing clothes, don't wear tight clothes, or everyone will think you're a slut! It's eased up in the last 40 years, but it's still very much alive, and it's a very loud command. And then there's a whole clothing/makeup industry that teaches girls and women that no man alive will notice her if she's not dressed and made up fetchingly.

So if a woman is surprised that a guy's harassed her when she's not even dressed "provocatively", is that surprising? Eh, I don't think so. Is it wrong, yeah. But again, think about it.

All the laws and social rules about hiding women away and covering up exist to blame women for men's bad behavior. It's just a dodge, a blame-shifting device. But we don't get taught that as girls and young women; we have to figure it out.You're right, guys on the hunt don't give a damn what you're wearing, that's not what they're looking at. If you teach a woman for 30 years that it's dress, and not the fact that she's female and breathing, that draws attention from creeps, odds are decent she's going to believe it.

So, again - wrong idea? Sure. Something to attack BirdInFlight for? I don't think so.