Afraid of being alone forever?

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^^^^^

This is BETTER!! !!

This is what you need-- not a special someone that will love you.

You may very well find a special someone that will love you, and spend the rest of their life with you, and make joyful little babies with you (if that's what would bring you both joy) or not (if both of you see kids as a burden, an irresponsible act given the state of the world, and/or a pain in the sensory input).

It's not impossible. It might not even be improbable.

My marriage might have been a terrible mistake (for both of us), but it did take place and still survives.

Here's the deal: Desperately lonely, fervently seeking someone who will love you, from a place of abject terror that you will never find that person, you're a lot more likely to pursue, be pursued by, and/or choose the wrong person.

Maybe somebody that's "just" a tragic mismatch, like my situation (bad enough)...

Maybe somebody who has many more, and much more severe, issues than you have and neither the capacity nor the will to work on them and who will therefore be abusive (not willfully, maliciously, and intentionally-- but an abusive relationship is an abusive relationship is an abusive relationship, and the scars look a lot the same regardless of how it happened)...

Maybe an OUT AND OUT PREDATOR. Someone who is actively, consciously, volitionally, intentionally seeking someone they can use, abuse, manipulate, rob, rape, destroy, and then discard (only to come back and do it again if you should ever get back on your feet enough to have resources of any kind worth taking).

From a place of being terrified that you'll be alone forever, DON'T EVEN LOOK for someone to love you for the rest of your life.

Look for friends-- people that you can hang with on a pretty frequent basis and not feel lonely while you're there. Who don't spew platitudes or reject you when you're fresh out of "smile and laugh" and end up showing them that, in addition to being pretty and smart and kind and funny, you're also confused and wounded and needy and afraid. Who, if you're really lucky, sometimes show you that in addition to also being attractive and smart and kind and funny and whatever else makes you laugh when you're with them, they're also confused and wounded and needy and afraid (because everyone is sometimes-- if, by their late teens, they haven't struggled with it, they're either potential psychopaths or in for one hell of a fall in their 20s).

Look for friends-- because they're a hell of a lot easier to find than someone who's all that, and so much more.

Look for friends-- because picking the wrong ones has, on the whole, a lower potential cost than getting into a committed relationship with the wrong one.

Look for friends-- because they can help you figure out what "the right one" would be like, possibly even help you find "the right one," but most importantly of all, help you identify the wrong ones as you run across them (and run across them you will; everyone has a lot more potential wrong mates than potential right ones).

And please, please, please believe me-- I DO know how you feel. I DO. I swear. It hurts like bloody blue f**k (and that's an understatement). It's HORRIBLE. I was there, I remember. In autistically vivid detail. I DO know...

...and I swear, building a life with the wrong one (even if that wrong one is a really wonderful person and you just happen to be tragically mismatched), and then realizing that you can't reverse the choice without destroying the world of several innocents (or can't reverse it at all, at any cost) hurts even more.

It is a fear I know only too well, I'd wager most people here would say the same. I'm 22, never had a girlfriend, I've had sex before but only by paying for it.

I will not lie to you, the outlook is pretty bleak for people like us from what I've seen. Society cares very little for men who don't conform to their gender role, regardless of whether or not they do it by choice. It doesn't seem to make much of a difference.

I am slowly trying to come to terms with the fact that I will very likely be alone for the rest of my days, but it hasn't been easy and I've made little progress. I wish I had better news for you, but the truth is I don't, and I will not insult you by offering the same mindless platitudes about how "it gets better" or how you just need to "believe in yourself" that I'm sure you've heard a million times by now. Those are nonsense, and we all know it. As the old saying goes "Hope for the best, expect the worst".

Shalom.

Wow this is so me sans gender. I know exactly how you feel and I'm still trying to figure out myself why it seems no female has ever been attracted to me in 23 years and why it seems it will never happen.

I have some friends but not a lot, so when those friends are busy or are with their significant others *shudders* I look to some of my hobbies to get my through the lonely times. I go to the gym, play guitar, watch sports, catch up on my shows, even clean around the house. Anything to keep myself occupied.

But there are times when you just don't have anything to do and that's when you think. I feel that way right now and with each passing day I feel having a future with someone is getting bleaker and bleaker. It's tough.

I guess the only thing I can say that would contribute to this is good luck. Hopefully we can figure this out.

Afraid of being alone forever? Who isn't?

You're afraid that you won't find someone because you believe you have flaws about yourself which makes you unappealing to men. Maybe its your belief about your apparent flaws which is holding you back. Ever heard of a self-fulfilling prophesy. You believe you're going to going to be forever alone therefore you eventually become forever alone. Look up self-fulfilling prophesy.

Maybe its the fact you want a boyfriend so bad is the reason you can't get one. The irony.


You're 19. A lot can happen in 10 years. There are still people who are 22 and have never been in a relationship. I would only start to begin worrying if you're 27 and older.

Also one more thing. Assuming you're not trolling, it seems to me you have some difficulty regulating emotions. What I mean is that you may feel emotions especially negative ones more powerfully than others and have difficulty to keep them in check. You need to find ways to combat this, no one is healthy being depressed and lonely all the time.

Sly, a lot can happen even in six months. When I turned 27, I was unemployed and thought the odds of me ever getting a girlfriend were pretty slim. Now I'm 27 & 1/2 and I have a well paid job and a girlfriend who adores me.

Just because someone has never been in a relationship at 27, that doesn't mean it's too late. There are tons of people here on WP who had their first serious relationship after 27. kraftiekortie , Proffessorjohn and auntblabby to name a few.

You remind me so much of me only six months ago. Just hang in there buddy. Even for six months. Your life can change in only six months. I know because it happened to me. If a dork like me can get a girlfriend there's hope for anyone.

Like I said, the outlook is bleak and I don't think anyone can blame you for feeling desperate.

Sad part is that in a not-so-distant past, there was a place for men like us; the plain, average Joes who, while lacking in charisma and social graces, were at least competent and functional enough to follow orders and perform relatively simple tasks. We'd get a decent job, a home, and an average-looking, but dedicated wife to keep us company and warm our beds at night. Now look at us...

Look. It's not as bad as you think. It's really not. Depression has a funny way of twisting things around and making it all seem like it's something it's really not. Trust me. The way you're perceiving this isn't the way it really is.

Do you know how many guys have this very same problem? It's a lot. I personally know at least a dozen, including even myself. There are so many people out there, and you're not the only one going through this experience. I'm not going to say that someone may one day give you the affection you so desire as a way to lessen the pain. I'll say it because I personally know several guys who are just as lonely as you are, and would jump at the opportunity to be with someone, no matter their faults.

You're not going to be alone forever, provided that you don't choose to be alone forever. There are actions you can take to increase your chances of quelling this loneliness, and I'm sure you know what those are. You just have to be open, socially active, and willing to take risks. Easier said than done, I know... but that's just it. That's where the problem lies.

The problem isn't that you're going to be alone forever. The problem is that someone will want to date you, love you, and someday marry you, but you haven't found that person. That's all this is. You just haven't found someone yet. If you want to find someone, you just have to look.

Keep in mind these are the words of a heterosexual male who just happens to be a single, 20 year old university student who would be more than willing to buy a girl lunch if she happened to be interested in me in even the slightest bit.

someone asked me how I would make myself happy if women disn't exist. THATS what I work on.

positivity won't only attract people it will keep good people into your life.

Meetups awesome for practice