How to choose between two girls?

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That's an excellent point Jono. I shouldn't hate on people who are bipolar though whether or not I can live with a manic-depressive is something I must think about. I've known them before but not all of them are the same.

As for hypocrisy, calling the other girl out for being obsessive? Obsessive? That's hypocrisy supreme! We wrote the book on obsessive.

I don't think she was that obsessive anyway. It's just that after I found out she had an interest in Canada I talked about her trip because I wanted to engage her by talking about something I knew she was interested in. It worked. I kept her engaged in the conversation. So really she only talked about her interest at my tromping so, she wasn't obsessed.

Is that really hypocritical? Im not sure I would be able to deal with that either. You should try tolerate it and not just refuse outright, but if you can't deal with it, then you can't deal with it. I am an aspie and if I should ever get a girlfriend she will have to deal with that. A lot of girls won't be able to, wether they be NT, aspie, OCD or whatever. And thats fine. You need to understand what kind of issues you are capable of having in your life.
Im not quite sure what meaning you were trying to convey, however it could easily be understood as statement saying that because you are autistic, you should be able to deal with whatever issues everybody else has, which is very untrue.
An aspie should show understanding, but you are not obliged to do anything more.
I have issues, and if I were someone else, im not sure I would be able to deal with me. I still hope to find a girl that will be able to. Im not expecting anyone to, im not entitled to, i am merely hoping to find some accepting enought.
I'd say you are being hypocritical if you can't deal with other peoples problems, while still EXPECTING them to tolerate yours.

^^ I agree it's not hypocritical if you can't handle someone's issues. I think it only enters that realm if you call that person out for the same issues that you may have. Tolerance varies from individual to individual.

Nothing wrong *if* they are aware of these issues, taking necessary steps to recovery (i.e. counseling, medication, etc) and do not pose a threat to your well being. Unfortunately, my BPD ex (who sounds identical to this Sydney girl) flew into violent rages that would have eventually landed *me* in jail, especially since she was small, sweet looking and could calm down by the time the cops showed up. You might think it's great to have a girl shower you with attention especially as a fellow lonely Aspie but wait until you try to "abandon" them even for a night. In my case, I got 18 phone calls and 25 texts within 2 hours. It might not entirely be their fault but that doesn't mean you won't suffer serious consequences.

It took me a long time to realize that normal women don't act like this. I have been in a relationship for 3 months now and have not had a single argument nor has she ever raised her voice at me. Quite a change of pace from a wild, mentally unstable girl!

Yeah, my ex said I was hard to deal with. She said something about "you should think before you speak" and "don't say things that hurt me". Her exboyfriend of two years was an aspie and she had problems with him too.

As for whether or not I can deal with her problem, I don't know. I shouldn't hold it against her if she's flawed, I shouldn't expect anyone to be perfect but if it should turn out that I really can't deal with it than it would be irresponsible of me to persist. If I can deal with it than I deal with it. I'm sure there are plenty of people who have partners that are somehow imperfect.Sydney girl hasn't shown any signs of being violent. She rarely raises her voice but unfortunately, she will sometimes lower her voice before laying a guilt trip on me.OK, we don't get on that well.

Generally speaking, this is true, but this girl took it a couple steps further, when she decided that "they" were going to move into a new place, and get new furniture, as well...and she isn't even with him yet. This girl is moving way too fast, and she's attempting to rearrange his life around her desires, which I consider as being totally selfish and inconsiderate of his wishes.

Yes she is, though I can sort of understand her wanting her own computer room. I was relieved when she said this because it indicated to me that she's not going to turn into the overly attached girlfriend meme.

My social worker wants me to get new furniture as well. I told him to wait, so I can give her the illusion that she's in control. Then I pick out the furniture I want and let her think it was her idea.

In most cases mine did the quiet passive aggressive thing too.... at first. The violent acts didn't start until about 5 months in and only got worse. I don't really blame her: I blame myself for not having her removed or arrested the first time and permanently getting rid of her.


I really have to stop looking at this coming train wreck.

Good God, you want to form a relationship with someone you already view as an adversary? Do you really think any healthy couples refer to their significant other as "flawed"? I love my girlfriend and consider her "flaws" to be an imperfect reflection of her perfection and would never want to "correct" them. I want her help pick my new place and furniture because I care about her and want her to be comfortable and happy as we are probably going to end up merging our lives. As a told her last night, she is my teammate and I want us to win. Together.

Fine, I'll kick her out if she gets violent. Though she's physically weak so I doubt she could do much harm.

Actually, one of the flaws I see in her is that she's too weak. She walks slowly, she can't pick up heavy objects. Is it weird that I like strong women? Like that girl from work, the one who plays hockey. She's built like a tank and she really could beat me up. I find that strangely attractive somehow, at least I know she's not a weakling. It's funny how she manages to be both cute and mature at the same time. Both muscular and girlish at the same time. But I digress.

If the girl from Sydney gets violent I will not attempt to have her arrested because the cops will laugh at me. Also, they won't arrest her.I view everyone as an adversary. I keep thinking of ways I can trick her but lately I've been thinking of actually being honest with her for a change. Partly because she can tell when I'm lying.I find that confusing. Is she flawed or perfect?Yes and I want to help gf pick out furniture because left to her own devices, she might pick out something I don't like (especially since there's this type of bed I want, also I'm particular about couches).

I have to admit though, some of her ideas weren't too bad but I want to make sure she doesn't put any girly stuff around the place. I'm sure she wants to put her Hello Kitty doll on the cabinet and that would look out of place next to my vintage retro Lego Technic truck.

LOL, that is exactly what I said. Physically I was unharmed but mentally I was f*$&ed up from the experience as in borderline suicidal. Guess you have to experience it for yourself to understand. It's almost as idiotic as me saying "if I lose my job I will just move to Australia". FAR easier said than done!



If I were Sydney girl's brother I would want to punch your lights out right now. Even if she is BPD that is no way to talk about her.


The fact you would say such a thing should be a giant red flag. If I thought my current GF had ANY violent tendencies, I would dump her immediately. I'm sure in my case the police would have wanted to arrest me for being so bloody stupid and staying with someone who is abusive but we are going off topic.





I'm trying to get you to think a little deeper but apparently that sailed over your head. Bottom line is that healthy couples don't act like this. Ever.


Ugh, you sound just like my former friend Jonathan. Needless to say, all his girlfriends (and friends like me) all got rid of him because they were sick of his OCD "my-way-or-the-highway" point of view. He would lose his mind if you even looked at his controller or sat on his chair to the point I said "f*** it I would rather be lonely".

If you keep thinking like that, you will NEVER be able to live with any woman. You sound like another friend of mine: I want a girlfriend, but only on MY terms and MY conditions and on MY turf and then whine constantly about how not finding anyone. No wonder your "choices" are so limited!! ! I am really starting to believe you are deliberately trolling because I can't see how you can possibly be this dense, especially after all the responses you have received over both threads.

Leave him be Giant, you're wasting your time.

He's desperate for any girl.

OK maybe I should stop thinking like that. Just last week ex was saying I should think before I speak. I guess it wouldn't hurt for home decorating to be a colaberative effort. It's just that I still wanted some say in which furniture we get. If I took my social worker's advice and bought furniture now, she would have no input because she's in Sydney and it might not be a good fit for whichever house we end up in. I will stop being a Sheldon.

As for the other girl, I read this thing on Yahoo. Some girls there were chatting and they said if a guy likes a girl, he will ask her out. Always. They make a good point. I should just ask her out instead of spending too much time overthinking it or waiting for some unspecified "opportunity". How can I know when the right time is if it doesn't have a clear definition. Sun Tzu said to win a war, the victory conditions must be clearly defined or you won't know what you're driving for.

Yeah, there is no 'right moment' - you gotta make the moment.

Just be confident and go for it!

Hopefully you won't bring along the war drums when you ask her out.

Good advice to be sure.

But I still have feelings for the girl in Sydney. That's why I feel so conflicted.

Retro, your ex became your ex for a reason, keep this in mind. I don't think you need one extra voice telling you that she doesn't sound like anyone you should even be in touch with.

As for girl #2 I kind of feel bad for her. She probably just sees you as a pleasant friend and you're making all of these machinations concerning her, including how to force your way into physical territory when she has a major barrier in place that you should be quite familiar with as an aspie yourself.

... What the hell, man? Nevermind feeling bad for Girl #2, I feel afraid for her now.