When is it over?

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It's worth a try. I was reflecting on my history of romance related things so far, and the track record for me isn't good. Very few relationships in my 20s, get married 6 years behind average, when I do get married my wife has a below average sex drive and finds affection uncomfortable.

I just can't seem to catch a break in this area. I don't know if this other woman is finally my chance at normalcy, or if it will end up with the same type of problems.

I had a couple of different friends talk last yesterday about the problems of divorce, how no one wins in it, and how it is best to stay married if possible, and that was without me ever bringing up this situation. Somehow there own cases just came up in the normal flow of conversation. They have no idea I have thought about it. Maybe that means it is something I am meant to hear.

I wish life wasn't so confusing.

Look, Dude ... there is no point having these discussions with your wife. They are not going to change anything. You are not going to be able to change how she feels. Frankly, I think long term relationships often lose this "spark" (for lack of a better term.) Do you really think she will tell you that she finds you unattractive. It's to her credit that she cares enough about your feelings to lie to you. But, if I were in your shoes, I would not divorce her because of this. Marriage is about more than physical connection. You guys have built a life together and I think that's worth more than physical attraction. If you want to have an affair with this woman, do it. Why not? But don't tell your wife. And don't assume it's the end of the relationship. Sometimes people aren't as bothered as you think they might be.

Don't listen to her, cheating on your partner is not a good option. You should just stop worrying that you are less of a man just because you've been with less women than the average guy. So what? Imho it could even mean that you were more stable emotionally and was less shallow.

Him: older, aspie, makes way more than she does, somewhat insecure
Her: younger, hot, works in what sounds like a low-paid job, compliments him a lot - and that's pretty much all we know about her.

Hmmmmm....
Man, whatever you do, make sure your gold-digger-detector is in good working order and well calibrated. The way you're describing it just sounds like a classic
scenario.

Also, I see a lot of wisdom and truth in the posts above.

That was definitely NOT the case. I was an emotional mess, and probably still am to a degree.

Still better than a guy who keeps jumping from a woman to another, don't you think?

I suppose i can be happy that my life doesn't suck to the point where I want a divorce no matter what.

I just can't really imagine a married life without sex and affection, I just haven't found a good substitute for it yet. I know, there is that one substitute, but I said a good one.

I can't really see myself ever thinking "I am glad we are not having sex tonight, I would rather watch the OU-Texas game." Guess I am not a big enough Sooners fan.

Fortunately I am not there yet. Maybe it can be headed off at the pass by some good therapy. I had an appointment with the therapist who both my wife and myself see separately, and she definitely thought she would help my wife work through her intimacy issues if she wanted to. Hope she wants to.

I don't know. I don't know what the emotional issues are with guys like that. Also don't know how their emotional issues compare to those guys who no woman wants.

If you've already decided that your wife has intimacy issues then she's gonna have to approach this from the defensive. It is you that is dissatisfied. Perhaps the problems are yours.

You've been deceptively flirting with another woman, while not wearing your wedding ring...is your therapist willing to help you with your issues?

Could be. It's also possible that he's simply misinterpreting her interest in him.

Seems to me too that the problem is he. It's obvious that he doesn't love his wife at all. It's also confusing because in the beginning he said sex was ok and she was not calling him hot enough, now he complains about sex.

I am worried about what sex might become in the future. My wife is the one who stated that she has intimacy issues and that she needs to work on them. The sex we have now is pretty good when it happens, which is a little below the average rate for our age.

This in particular makes me vomit. Man you have much bigger issues than your wife, and it's obvious that you don't love her at all. Perhaps she noticed.

I think marriage is about more than sex too. If she's not into it, she's not into it.

You're still in pretty good shape, John. Forget about the "below average"--if you both climax, and both feel satisfied at least once a week, then you're both fine and dandy.

Does she have nice hair? If so, I would make flirtations comments about it....and if she uses Herbal Essence shampoo, MAN O MAN!! !! !! You've got it made in the shade!