Loneliness

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05 Oct 2015, 1:04 am

Kuraudo777 wrote:

Sometimes I wonder whether many Aspergians delve into sci-fi and fantasy and all sorts of magical, weird, and crazy things because they are lonely. Just like the title of this site, I often feel like I'm on the wrong planet, but I have recently come to the conclusion that I can find escapism in other ways than just wishing for a Vulcan space craft to beam me up. In fact, one of the reasons why I write my books is because of my loneliness. Even though a have a few good friends, I still feel lonely a lot and feel happy for yet just a tiny bit jealous of the couples who seem to be perfect for each other.
I confess that I feel like little Sarjenka from that Season 2 episode of Star Trek: TNG: "Is there anyone out there?"

Yeah, I can definitely say that part of my love of Fiction in general is because of escapism, especially Middle Earth. Growing up whenever I got depressed I'd always start thinking about some day just waking up on the shores of some distant sea, maybe in Valinor. I still want that from time to time.

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Sci-Fi and cute animals the best remedies for loneliness - and when you mix them together....

I just died of laughter :lol:

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05 Oct 2015, 1:20 am

^^ The funniest part is "You underestimate my power!"

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05 Oct 2015, 10:22 am

I've been having severe emotional problems lately, and I can't really fathom why. I actually cried myself to sleep last night but I'm so frustrated because there didn't seem to be anything to get upset about, so now I'm confused. :cry:

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A memory is something that has to be consciously recalled, right? That's why sometimes it can be mistaken and a different thing. But it's different from a memory locked deep within your heart. Words aren't the only way to tell someone how you feel.” Tifa Lockheart, Final Fantasy VII

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05 Oct 2015, 10:23 am

I'm sorry you feel this way. I'm sorry you cried yourself to sleep. You don't deserve that.

You should do something which you fine pleasurable right before you got to sleep: like listening to a favorite song.

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05 Oct 2015, 10:38 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

^^ The funniest part is "You underestimate my power!"

What's even better is I've actually seen the documentary that clip is from. They're fighting over a stash of nuts.

Kuraudo777 wrote:

kraftiekortie wrote:

Yes, music always helps. Whenever I'm feeling particularly down late at night I listen to this.

Last edited by Feyokien on 05 Oct 2015, 2:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Kuraudo777
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05 Oct 2015, 11:26 am

My emotions often go all over the place, but my emotional stability has been kind of shaken by the fact that I don't like my high school nor the house that I've been currently living in for four years. I guess I feel trapped.

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05 Oct 2015, 2:16 pm

Kuraudo777 wrote:

I had a pretty similar experience in high school. My parents got divorced the summer before my freshman year. My mom got a new house and my dads fell into utter decay, my siblings and I tried to take care of it, but it couldn't be saved. I hated both places, my dads because it was just unbearable staying there and my moms because it just felt wrong, it was a symbol of the split I was constantly being torn back and forth between the two places. School was just a wasteland, I was tired of it and actually started trying to take control of my life. I definitely felt more and more trapped the closer I got to the end. It does get better though after you get out of grade school if you apply yourself and get into college, New Zealand sounds nice I always wanted to go there, I dunno about a non college post high school life.

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05 Oct 2015, 2:31 pm

Well, I guess we have a lot in common, then, Feyokien. At least my dad lives close by and I do try to like my new stepmother and new step-siblings. Oh, and now I'm an aunt because of all of that, which is both bizarre for me and excellent for my little nephew. Yep, school is a wasteland for me, but at least it's not taking over my life so much like last year. It still wears me out even though I'm usually only there for half a day every other week. I'm split between staying in Canada and getting a job/taking an online creative writing university course or just saying 'it's a Hobbit life for me' and asking my mum if she's really serious about the possibility of moving to New Zealand.

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05 Oct 2015, 2:37 pm

marshall
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05 Oct 2015, 2:44 pm

Outrider wrote:

I think deeply myself and enjoy philosophy and psychology. I've used my solitude to develop my own views of the world. Philosophically I am an existentialist. I also am interested in politics, Socialist-Democratic views, environmental issues,conspiracy theories, Anonymous, etc. I use the internet to research things (philo- and psycho- especially) as well when bored instead of just 'killing time'. Never have anyone to talk to about this stuff.

Even my friends, they just don't value deep conversation like I do. My best friend is capable of deep conversation however I am the much more talkative one and 99% of the time I 'lead' all of our conversations. He is short responses and brief type of guy (not because he isn't interested, that's just how he is due to also being an aspie) I am detailed and verbose (as if anyone couldn't already tell in the first place. XD).

Is it weird you make a 'career' out of it? No, I'd say not. Solitude and isolation seems to encourage us to think deeply and introspectively; it's natural. I mean if you don't have many people to talk to about 'interesting things' with that deviate from societies usual boring, generic 'small talk' and the few friends you do have aren't capable of it, then of course you'd be keeping these thoughts to yourself.

It's hard though, I know. It's like some...some sort of energy within you. I believe many people in this world are opinionated and like to hear their own opinions and are confident in them that they are right or correct. Even now I'm going into detail with this., because it;'s true. It feels good to express your inner thoughts, to get them off your chest. Just keeping everything inside negatively affects you when you want people to talk to about this stuff to.

You sound a lot like me. I never stop thinking. I get in trouble with small talk. I start thinking about other (more interesting) things and then drift out of the conversation completely. I need intellectual stimulation but it's hard to find others I can share my thoughts with. I find most people's thoughts and opinions kind of trivial and not very interesting. If I do open my mouth about something in my head I don't communicate it clearly enough and it goes right over people. Its annoying.

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05 Oct 2015, 8:07 pm

Kuraudo777 wrote:

New Zealand would be a nice place to live, it's on my list of places I'd consider living someday once I'm a fully established adult and can afford to leave the United States. Ireland, England, Canada, and any of the Scandinavian countries are also on my list. That'd be cool if you could actually make it to New Zealand, but I know the actual citizenship process would take at least 5 years although you'd be living there for those five years on visas. My fathers still alone, but my mother has a boyfriend that I'm only lukewarm with at the most, I'm 21, at this point I'm never going to really see him as anything to me. It's nice that you don't have to go in for school very often, what you're experiencing right now is basically what college is like.

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06 Oct 2015, 2:52 am

marshall wrote:

Outrider wrote:

In groups I seem 'shy' when the truth is I am not shy, just quiet. I prefer to aproach others and usually only socialize if the topic interests me, in which the majority do not. I often just sit there staring into the distance, thinking deeply to myself while others might talk and socialize. I would rather actually speak to others in deep conversation but that's rarely possible.

It;s the only reason I do come across as shy - by comparison to the people I hang around.

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06 Oct 2015, 11:05 am

I'm having a better day than yesterday, thankfully. I'm glad that there's only two more days of school before the long weekend! I guess my loneliness kind of comes and goes in terms of intensity, but it's always there. I just have to keep smiling and hope for the best. I'm kind of afraid to ask my mum if we actually could move to NZ because I would kind of be crushed if she said no.

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06 Oct 2015, 2:25 pm

For feyokien

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06 Oct 2015, 3:21 pm

Only in our darkest dreams.....you've probably seen this one by now

Good to hear you're feeling better Kuraudo

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06 Oct 2015, 6:28 pm

Argh! It's Jar Jar Abrams! The next thing you know there'll be Kingdom Hearts Star Wars!
I think I'll do some research about what part of New Zealand would be the best place to live in. My mum keeps asking me about joining social groups at school, but I'm really not that kind of person. Whenever I tell her about the new friends I've made on this forum, she goes on about how I can make new friends that are actually near me. The thing is, this forum is kind of perfect for me in terms of making new friends, and it's not that I want more friends since I've kind of got enough for any Aspie, it's that my loneliness makes me reflective and pensive about finding someone who can love me. I don't know if that's just because I'm a young adult, but I have actually been wondering about things like that for most of my life.
Oh well. I'm sure I'll find someone some day [or they'll find me or both].

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