Innocent things that can mistakeenly seen as creepy?

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I agree, it's still frustrating though.

Douchebags usually know whom to be douchebags to and whom not to.

Not based on things I have seen and heard....maybe some of them, but many are too full of themselves to realize when their being a douchebag to the wrong person. Like people who think they can come to a metal concert and get in the pit and start hitting or kicking people my brother has had to throw a couple of those out of mosh pits. I just hear of lots of douchebags getting their asses handed to them specifically because they got so full of themselves.

lol, things like mosh pits at those shows is one reason why rap-concerts are better in my opinion. They also tend to have less dorks that walk-in off the street for some reason.

Few months ago you were complaining of your dating struggles, lack of interest from men and how girls don't have it easier and now... after you got your bf you tell us you had hot fans after you?? :p :p

What you see as vile douchebag behavior in an average-looking guy, the girl that guy's with may well see as a hilarious guy with smarts and a quick wit who is pretty darn cute.

As an Aspie, pretty much everybody on this board isn't particularly skilled at picking up on a LOT of subtle and not-so-subtle communication. So the guys you don't know, who you see with a hot girl for ten minutes at a pub and decide he's a douche... that's a conclusion you may well be making based on incorrectly interpreted information. Why do you think your quick, casual observation of some random couple at a pub provides you with better intel than, say, the female half of that couple? How do you really know the guy's a skeevy jerkwad? Why are you so dismissive of that girl's judgement -- because thinking she's an idiot for being a guy you've instantly deemed a douche for is pretty judge-y? And the judge-y attitude may actually be something girls pick up on.

Looks matter, no one's saying they don't (for both guys and girls), but I think they matter a whole lot less than most seem to think they do -- particularly once you've met in IRL. A ten-minute conversation's enough to see if chemistry and smarts are there, but can also be undone by bad hygiene or bad behavior (being rude to or dismissive of the waitstaff, Starbucks staff or 7/11's a dealbreaker for me; how one treats those subordinate to them tells me a lot about your character) or an inability to keep up with the convo. Provided you aren't truly hideous-looking, are clean and turn up appropriately dressed for the occasion (not GQ-worthy), pure physical appearance is unlikely to be the reason you've no luck with women.

The cultural thing is also kind of a cop out -- you don't *have* to approach girls, sitting back and waiting for a *girl* to approach *you* instead is an option you are free to exercise at any time.

MissZaraha

I am waiting for someone to approach but I've waiting for years so maybe it doesn't really work that way for guys. Also the reason I know they are douche bags is because I've known a lot of these people, and not just from ten minute conversations. I grew up around these people went to school with them so I got a fairly good insight into their douchiness. It's it a snap judgement. I'm not saying that most girls have bad judgement, not in the least. What I am saying is that the girls who continually get used and abused by men and complain to everyone about how they can't find a nice guy are the ones with bad judgement.

That too.

they are bigger than me sure, but its not "tone" its beer guts on most of these guys... everyone had a beer gut at my college, infact don't remember anyone who didn't, hell, even the military guys had guts, that was part of the reason I did my own cooking, everything available in the cafeteria's had too much added sugar.

" Why do you think your quick, casual observation of some random couple at a pub provides you with better intel than, say, the female half of that couple? How do you really know the guy's a skeevy jerkwad?"

probably becasue I have roomed with these types of guys and know who they talk about girls behind their back...


"Why are you so dismissive of that girl's judgement"

probably because the guy is trying to get her drunk and succeeding....

"an inability to keep up with the convo."

that is the other problem, no one wanted to talk bout a subject that had any depth. Mind you, screaming over lady gaga in the bar to talk about how much Lil- Wayne sucks is not my idea of a fun/challenging conversation.

"Provided you aren't truly hideous-looking,"

should I just post pictures of myself so that this stops being brought up?

"you don't *have* to approach girls, sitting back and waiting for a *girl* to approach *you* instead is an option you are free to exercise at any time."

yeah, that only works with foreign girls, and that's becasue they are WAY more confident.

You can elect to wait to be approached or not. That's your, not "culture"'s call.

Knowing a guy well enough to know he *has* been a douche in previous relationships doesn't mean he's a douche in his *current* relationship (though he could well be)... but people tend to grow up. And those with terrific insight into people tend not to be on the spectrum. So you thinking a guy you don't know's a douche may or may not be an accurate assessment of his behavior.

The girls who continually pick and put up with men who treat them badly are the ones with the judgement probs (though men can be equally-judgement-challenged). I have had the occasional close friend b***h about how he/she picks awful partners or stays with or keeps going back to an awful* partner and after the 10th or 15th go-round my go-to line is "this is not new information. How about those Mets?". There are other things to talk about.

* not physically/psychologically abusive. That's a whole different ball game, requiring a different approach.

MissZahara
Why are you disagreeing with us? We're just saying that is sucks when douches get success. What's wrong with that? Are you saying douchbags don't exist or that they never have success with women? Because there are and they do. One thing about being a guy is that you hear the unvarnished opinions from other guys and they can be quite appalling. And the whole culture thing makes it less likely that girls will approach. It's a hold over from the past but it's still the way it is.

"the girls who continually pick and put up with men who treat them badly are the ones with the judgement probs "

yeah, that may in fact be the entire problem right there.

What I'm saying is the vast swathes of guys you seem to write off as douches -- whom you consider yourself vastly superior to, whom you think girls are totally stupid for being with instead of the vastly superior, supposedly non-douche-y you and your Aspie berethen -- might not actually be douches. That the guys you see as douches might have redeeming qualities that you are oblivious to and, conversely, that something in the way you approach women is off-putting or creepy to women.

Your starting point is that what you're doing is "right", what all the you-think-douches are wrong and thus somehow "wrecking" your chances with women. By extension, that it's unfair that women might interpret your advances as creepy because of what those other dudes did. That you are helpless, destined to be single because of what you think other guys, supposedly-douche-y-guys did to women and you're mad mad mad at the supposed injustice of it all.

That's the "entire problem" for the minority of women who have broken pickers and continually choose to date jerks.

That leaves the vast majority of women who don't have terrible taste in men for you to potentially date.