"You killed the mood by asking."

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*facepalm*

I did NOT make any personal attacks against you.

You are taking this the wrong way! What I am trying to say is that your proclivities in this arena are going to require a woman who has a lot of patience and understanding and that Many women won't be able to offer this so you'll need to be PATIENT.

I cannot read body language very well either and in these types of situations, I usually make a move and take my chances. I have been told to stop and in one case she said "_____ I don't wanna be kissing". It feels pretty embarrassing and even makes me rather irate and frustrated afterwards but I just move along. If it's not in your nature to cope well with being rebuffed or making contact when you're unsure, then do what you need to do and find the type of woman who is *okay* with being asked. They're out there and some of them have even posted in this thread. But you also might wanna try dating a woman who is more sexually assertive and will make the first move on you if she finds you attractive. This seems to be a lot easier for Aspies because there actually ARE women who are extremely obvious in terms of their body language and will make the first move face to face if they really like you.


There was an occasion where I did ask permission because I was unsure about it and she said "____, I just met you. But thank you for asking!" and of course her tone was extremely sarcastic and we never kissed let alone held hands.

I guess I just need to get over the idea that "mainstream isn't for me" equals "hopeless." Much of my life, I was told that those kind of people who will actually communicate with me verbally (or make the first move which I have responded to physically, albeit cautiously) don't exist.

I absolutely refuse to play the games of trying to "get the hint." Unfortunately, especially where I live, a lot of people still expect that due to too many romantic comedies and movies, slut-shaming and other ways of suppressing female sexual agency so they become afraid to say anything out loud. For this reason, I don't "kiss and tell."

I tried to find a way to un-report you, but this is the best I can do: Your post was not a personal attack. I just felt hurt and frustrated by mainstream dating culture and harbored a lot of fear of being labeled a creep or rapist to begin with - so I read it into that post which wasn't there. I am so sorry for the attack on you, really.

However this thing that originated from movies is a reality now, did you see the numbers in the poll? Go and do your personal research: most women don't want to be asked first when it comes to kissing.

Aspie men don't often have women throwing themselves on them, therefore every lost opportunity is significant.

Leaning slowly for a kiss is the safest approach, taking anything slowly without exerting any physical force is the safest - it would only go wrong if the guy is bad and uses force (or anything that renders her incapable to refuse, such as spike pills).

Sexual assault doesn't happen by coincidence or by body-misreading.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 05 Nov 2015, 2:42 am, edited 1 time in total.

You will never be a rapist if you don't have the mentality/morals that makes you a potential rapist.

Read my previous advices.

If you still don't find the slow leaning approach is safe enough, you can use a verbal declaration before starting to lean slowly; like 'I want to kiss you' (instead of asking) with a slight strike on her side hair - it would make you sound more confident and you are giving her plenty of room to refuse in case she doesn't want it.

For anything sexual, you can use something like "I really desire you" or even "I want to sleep with you" and see what she would verbally react. In that way, you're making your intentions verbally very clear without sounding insecure.

For some reason a female is laughing hysterically at this comment here.

These expectations of this one woman, is like the expectations of the majority of women.

Go ask women around.

The polls don't matter. The fact that most women hold these opinions doesn't matter. And I disagree about movies being made to reflect real life. They're not. They're made to reflect what one specific culture wants and expects. Even other countries do not use the same approaches for dating, which means that we aren't specifically wired a certain way due to gender.

What truly matters is what we can handle for ourselves. We tend to treat ourselves as if we don't deserve to have what we want, because we aren't as secure as most other people.

Reading his posts, it seems that he can't handle being with someone who expects this. I can't handle that, either. The popular dynamics of dating in our culture.. It just comes off as a bunch of lies and games. I refuse to participate. Fortunately, there are others who also reject these games. They might be the minority, but they are out there.

I'd rather be alone than be with someone who holds those expectations again. It isn't good for me to be stressed out all the time, while trying to do something that should be making me feel good.

That's rude of her.

Why is she laughing?

Aww...Were you hurt? Pls don't be..
She found the part "I really desire you" somewhat hilarious...really sorry about that Boo....

Yes, I was hurt.

Hug me tightly .

Hehehe Nuuu...

(Crawling back to cave to cry).